When you impose “tax culture” on already taxed people

Forever in your debt, TAX. (Photo: Threshold.ie)

So what do these new taxes that we keep hearing about mean to the common man? Death. Let me give you an insight. Over the last 6 months, the prices of essential foodstuff have risen more than 600%. The prices of electricity have been raised by more than 150%. The price of CNG has gone from Rs 44 to Rs 55. The school fees, where the school’s have been left intact and not closed down, have also gone up by more than 50%. But the minimum wage has only been raised by 16%; from Rs 6000, to Rs 7000.

Now normally in this land also known as the sanctuary of Islam, we are only too happy to bash the capitalistic, Zionist-Jew run world economy that has sucked the blood from all developing economies and left them with crinkled and frail with the passage of time. But a closer look on our own apathy, or lack of thereof, reveals quite a different story. While we love to keep feeding our white elephants (PIA, Pakistan Railways, Pakistan Steel Mills etc) public money to keep afloat, we never realize the grave consequence that these public owned enterprises are having on our national resources.

In the case of the Pakistan Steel Mills, the Supreme Court of Pakistan terminated its sale in 2007 on the basis of lack of transparency. Fair enough. But as soon as the PPP government took over a profitable organization miraculously turned into a huge loss making machine. And as if right on cue, the Prime Minister authorized turning 5000 daily wage employees into permanent employees of the Pakistan Steel Mills.

What most of us fail to realize is that in a capitalistic economy, we are basically defining a playground where there is equal opportunity for all. The Pakistan telecom sector is a perfect example. The other thing is that you only sell a public enterprise when it is profitable so that you can make maximum profit out of its sale; but you also sell them when you know they are financially bleeding you so bad, you have been put on life support, which is basically our case.

My point of bringing this whole rhetoric up was to point out that billions of rupees a month are wasted simply because the MD PIA, or the PR Chairman decided to fart one day. So why should the poor salaried class pay for the misdemeanors of some jackasses who cannot distinguish left from right?

And then, right there, is our second dilemma. The salaried class is burdened with the task of paying for the mundane atrocities of those people who are too rich to pay their taxes. There is no agriculture tax. Why? Why isn’t there one? There is no wealth tax. Again, why? Why shouldn’t Nawaz Sharif and Asif Zardari pay taxes that are compatible with their statuses in society? I’m sure they weren’t born with golden wings even if they were born with gold spoons in their mouths.

And then there is the army. All this talk of imposing the reformed GST (which I want to be implemented because it means taxing those who do not pay their taxes), the urban property tax (8 – 15%), and the flood tax (10% of income exceeding Rs 300,000 per annum) is basically a way of fulfilling the new budgetary commitment made to the army where it’s budget has been increased by Rs 100 billion. So basically, we’re going to be paying more yet get nothing in return. The electricity will still play hide and seek, the roads will still have potholes, the flood affected will still live under the starry skies, but know that the generals will grow even fatter and wealthier than they are now.

And you know what the really sad part is? The PPP government has all but cancelled the education grants and budget for the HEC. Neither do they have the capacity, or the brain expertise needed to correct the primary education system. But I suppose that does appear to be a lot for a government that has Fauzia Wahab as its media liaison.

The common population will keep paying for the shenanigans of the morally indecent and corrupt people who rule us. It will suffer in silence because that is what it knows best. Its money will be spent on wherever the whims of the rulers’ dictate. All that the common population can do is pray; pray for deliverance. 

Turning Her into a Hero

Clamoring for justice, Aafia Siddiqui.
(Photo: Tribune.com.pk)

While I am not a judge of who Aafia Siddiqui really is or isn’t, some of her case’s parameters do make me raise my eyebrows. By the US prosecution’s own admission, there are a lot of discrepancies to her case; and besides, the principal charge on which we all assumed she was being tried (relating to terrorism) wasn’t even called into question by the prosecution. So in essence, she has been sentenced to 86 years in prison on the charge of attempt to murder.

So the logical question that follows next is: Where in the world do you charge people for 3 life sentences for attempt to murder? More importantly, how is it even possible for a US judge to charge a third country’s citizen in US courts when the purported act committed was not on the United States’ soil?

All I know is that the US hasn’t been forthcoming with the answers that would have led to an early dispensation of the case, and the surrounding hype. Instead, they’ve only ended up stoking the sentiments of the political bandwagon that has become very active since the sentencing of Aafia Siddiqui.

The moral brigade amongst us has assumed that Aafia Siddiqui is innocent and that she was a gullible kid sold to the Americans. However, that is equal to negating the very concept of the whole judicial process. Strong circumstantial evidence connects Aafia Siddiqui to terrorist outfits and for what it’s worth, she hasn’t denied the pretence either. So for all those who think that Aafia Siddiqui is the daughter of the soil, I’m assuming you think Faisal Shehzad is the son of the soil then?

The inconvenient truth is, and one which we will have to accept sooner or later is that, as far as the United States is concerned, Aafia Siddiqui is a closed case. She was implicated and then charged and for all we know, she will spend the rest of her life in a prison cell in the United States. Maybe it was a gross miscarriage of justice, or maybe it was a spot-on, just decision; all we know is, Aafia Siddiqui has been lost to the US prison system forever now.

For quite a few many days, the Aafia Brigade will hold vigils, organize protests, chant anti-US slogans, and then they will all disperse and get on with their lives. Aafia Siddiqui will be forgotten just like the hundreds and thousands of men, women and children before her. She will just become another statistic. What is important to note here is that once again the Pakistani political arena is ringing with clemency pleas to Barack Hussain Obama, because that means garnering the support of the public; and the political parties are doing quite a good job of it too.

Over here I would also like to point out that contrary to what the majority of Pakistanis believe, Aafia Siddiqui is NOT a neuroscientist, and nor does she have ‘144 honorary degrees from different universities of the world’. She has a PhD in education and that is why she is called a doctor. Fauzia Siddiqui (Aafia Siddiqui’s sister) herself has stated this fact on national television.

Whatever the case, there are other things that are happening here, right now, at this very instance, that we have the power and ability to stop. Maybe it’s time now to start focusing on our shortcomings at home rather that chant the mantra of Aafia Siddiqui over and over again.

I dissed a Policeman

They are just trying to do their jobs, and yet getting stick
 for it. (Photo: Smh.com.au)

I dissed a policeman a couple of days ago. I dissed him because he was doing his job. I dissed him because by doing his job, he was inconveniencing me. I know he was doing his job. I knew there was nothing he could do about it and even then I dissed him. I dissed him for being a petty traffic policeman. And you know what he did? He just stood and stared, with an unfathomable expression on his face. He knew that he was being forced to do a job which is simply impossible to do. He knew that when he’s in uniform, he’s the punching bag of everyone.

I haven’t been able to sleep that well knowing what I had done. Who am I to treat a police officer with such disdain? Who am I to look at him arrogantly, and then tell him he doesn’t even know how to do his job? Do I think I know it better than him? Or by humiliating him with utter contempt I thought I had achieved something? Yeah, I think that would be it. Because ever since I’ve been born, the environment around has me taught me to diss rules and cops, and every form of authority. It gives us a kind of morbid pleasure to not let the very people, who we claim do not do their jobs, not do their jobs. Does that make the traffic police pathetic? Or does that make me pathetic? The educated, burger kid who cannot even think in Urdu properly? Yeah, I know it’s me who’s pathetic.

But so is it you. You know how you always get late from work when the traffic’s bad? It’s because some idiot did not follow the lane markings, made an extra lane, and then jammed the whole traffic. And you know sometime’s it’s you (I’ve done it on several occasions). And you also know that when some policeman walks up to your window and asks you to show him your license and car registration, you whip out your phone, tell the helpless soul he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with, and then call your dad. Or your uncle. Or your friend who’s father is a general. How many of us ever have the decency to admit what we did was wrong, and the police officer who spends his entire day wilting under the sun is right? Very few of us. We take a pleasure in bragging in our social circles about how we ‘fixed’ the ‘pulsia’ who was trying to act like a ‘hot-shot’. We take pride in reminding him of his place in this society.

You know how the traffic on our roads will never get better? It’s because we won’t let it get better. Because we cannot be belittled at the hands of a lowly policeman wearing a reflective jersey who’s trying to regulate the very traffic that we curse day in and day out. And this phenomenon straddles all affairs of our daily life. Only two days ago, a friend of mine bragged to me about how he had reminded a security guard at his housing complex about his status in the social chain when he stopped the car for checking, because he was irritated that the guard had stopped him. How dare he stop me he said? What my friend failed to recognize was that the guard was only doing his job, not belittling his precious heaven, or even encroaching upon it some way. It makes me sad to think there are people like these prevalent in majority in Pakistan and it makes me sick to know that I’m one of them.

As for me, I went back to find that policeman and to apologize to him. I said sorry. I was sorry. I am sorry. How can I possibly have thought that I was somehow greater than the man who takes abuse 10 straight hours every day of his life? I’m trying to change myself. I’m trying to respect the people around me regardless of their social status because I am not worthy of judging someone simply by the job that he or she does. It is unacceptable to me. And so it should be to you.  

The British Press’s Screws are Loose

Guilty until proven innocent. And guilty even then, 

according to the biased British press. (Photo: 

Tribune.com.pk)

Most of us do not read up on the news appearing in the foreign newspapers. However, today due to my bad luck I was subjected to the news reports appearing on The Sun’s (English newspaper) website. One has to only sift through the content of the report to know that the English dailies are out there minting their profits on the back of issuing derogatory, appalling and sickening slurs on everything Pakistani.

Now this is not a post about absolving the Pakistani cricket trio of blame, if they’ve done wrong. However, as it so happens, despite weeks having passed, no formal charge sheet has yet been brought against them. I’ve always thought the British were a just nation, and having only been exposed to the Pakistani standard of journalism, where even the names of those people who are directly responsible for major misdemeanors are hidden from the public, it was with a bit of a shock that I read how the British press has maligned everyone from Ijaz Butt and Asif Zardari, to common Pakistanis by labeling us as ‘terrorists’, and calling Pakistan a ‘terrorist tinder-box’. I take very strong exception to this piece of abhorrent journalism where on the basis of mere allegations a whole nation has been reviled.

The British fourth estate has been particularly vehement in bashing the Pakistani cricket team, and understandably so. But what is unfathomable is the utterly slow reflexes (or lack of balls) of the Pakistani cricket administration. When Jonathan Trott had an altercation with Wahab Riaz, the PCB should have sued him right there and then. Instead, Shahid Afridi handed over the advantage to the British on a silver platter by saying “we showed a big heart.” The British do not need a big heart, they need a severe bashing to bring them down to their senses.

Consider the language that has been used in the British press. “Shameless Pakistan sink to a new low”, “Good bye and Good riddance” etc. The interesting thing about the first article was that it admitted that Jonathan Trott had called Wahab Riaz a “match-fixer”, and yet oddly enough the article called the Pakistanis farcical and shameless. It just goes onto show the lack of depth and maturity in British journalism.

But having said that, there isn’t a very clear distinction about what is ethical or unethical in our part of the world either. Everywhere we are made to hang our heads in shame, sometimes because of our cricketers and sometimes because of our shameless leaders. No wonder the world doesn’t take us seriously; no wonder we don’t take ourselves seriously. The resulting chaos is that we are steadily sliding back into primitive times where legal redress and recourse is unheard of, and people seek retribution by wanting to hear the sickening crunch of bones breaking in their rival’s body. It’s a national tragedy, what is happening to us; but then, we don’t even have a choice of breaking free from our shackles of enslavement because no sane man has entered politics yet, and those who try to find it impossible to break through the dynastic monopolies prevalent in Pakistani politics.

With the corrupt corrupting everything that they touch absolutely, it is no wonder that the level of governance has plummeted to abysmal levels, affecting every tiny detail in our lives. The one thing that really hurt the most is the sorry state of affairs of our cricket management that has ruined the image perception and credibility of the Pakistanis absolutely. It is no wonder that the world treats us like toothless cats, and continues to humiliate us with on every possible front.

Recuperating from all of the calamities that have struck us in rapid succession will take a long time; and on the way, we will find out that some scars never heal properly.

The curious case of Pakistan Army

General Kayani owes an explanation to the people.
(Photo: Dawn.com)

As if my rant the other day wasn't enough, the Pakistan Army has decided there is yet more misery that it can heap onto a hapless nation. With a purported increase of 25% in their allotted defence budget, the total estimated expenditure for the army now stands at Rs. 550 billion.

Just sit back for a second and consider the ramifications of this act; this Rs. 110 billion increase in the defence budget is tantamount to bankrupting the economy. Why? Well let's see. The 110 billion with which the army has attempted to fulfill its insatiable appetite for public money is roughly equal to the money that the government hopes to make with the reformed GST. So in totality, the net effect of implementing the new GST is a big fat zero. Consider also, that the common people are once again being forced to pay for the scheming theatrics of the army, without even knowing why the army is demanding so much more money!

But this is Pakistan. A country ranked the 139^th most corrupt nation on earth. One of the biggest reasons for this status is the utter lack of accountability. Only last week the Public Accounts Committee demanded to know what became of the 5.5 billion PKR that was given to the ISI. 5 and a half billion is a substantial quantity of money and in a real democracy, people who paid that money would have been told what became of it. But here, as usual, the PAC was told to mind its own business.

While demanding money from the US and other Western states, it would've been prudent if the government had tried to set its own house in order first. The addiction of gaining capital at the expense of the future of an entire country should be declared high treason. The 110 billion spared for the army should have been used for the rehabilitation of the flood affectees. Why wasn't it allocated for them? What is so important that the army decided to take not 10, not 20, but 110 billion rupees from the national kitty?

No wonder the Pakistan Army's name is sullied in the world media and no wonder it has indeed become an entire independent state. Considering the consortium of corporate entities that is maintained by the army, it could've raised the required expense amount from its own coffers in a jiffy. But in the defensive state of Pakistan, where ideological borders need protection, no one dares question the army's dubious charades; not even the people mandated to solely check out the irregularities in the public institutions. 

I Will Not Pay My Taxes

The House of the Shameless. (Photo: Tribune.com.pk)

Why should I? Why should I pay even a paisa to a state that is only intent on depriving me of the ability to live? Why should I pay my money to a state that will use it to finance Defence Housing Authorities, Askaris built on disputed lands, build bakeries and open new Askari Banks? Now I know why these bastards who rule over us are so chummy with the fucking army generals who rule over us. It’s because they take away chunks of our money and then divide them equally with the other party. But what about us?

Why should I give any money to a state that is run by millionaires. No; that is run by BILLIONAIRES. Literally. Why should I pay any money to the taxation department when all it does is harass me day in and day out, but treats horseshit (billionaire politicians) like royalty? For the love of God they don’t even pay their goddamn taxes! I do and yet I’m treated like scum!

Why should I pay any money to anyone, let alone the state, when the states“men” (fucking ass-kissers) don’t bother paying any taxes themselves but pull the nationalism card on us poor ‘awam’ that despite not wanting to pay anything still has to pay? Why does that bald knucklehead with the name of Nawaz Sharif not pay crores in taxes when his Raiwind farm alone is worth billions? Why did he not pay any income tax from 2004-2007? Why does Rehman Malik the sick bastard pay only Rs. 194 in land revenue? Why is Zardari exempt from taxes? Is he god? Even God will have to pay taxes if He decides to come down here. So what makes the Black Lord of Gypsies, aka Asif Zardari, exempt from paying taxes on his billions and billions worth of property? I bet he pays taxes to the French, UAE, UK and the US governments for his palaces in those countries. What makes his black ass defy the tax laws of this country?

Why should I pay any taxes when Qaim Ali Shah only pays 8000 in tax? Why should I pay taxes when Nawab Aslam Raisani, the bloody drunkard pays only 16000 in tax? Why should I pay any taxes when the self-professed mother of all righteous buffoons Chaudry Nisar Ali Khan pay only Rs 200,000 as income tax? Please note that all of them have declared assets amounting to billions of rupees.

Yusuf Raza Gillani’s wife can get Rs. 500 million loans waived but that scrummy SoB only pays Rs. 82000 in annual tax. The interest that he earns on his money in the bank is worth millions. He has trouble parting with the money that is lawfully our right. The nation’s right. How dare the state demand any taxes from me? Who the hell are they to do so anyway? I will pay my taxes when these two timing sleazebag scum ruling over us like Pharaohs will pay their taxes. Till then, the Federal Board of Revenue can go fuck itself.

They want to levy Rs. 22 billion worth of new taxes on the salary class. They want to increase the defence budget by Rs. 100 billion. Yet, they spend Rs 11.5 million on food in 20 days when the parliament is in session. No wonder we only get farts from the National Assembly instead of good governance. Why should I pay money to finance the culinary tastes of these diseased gumballs? Why?

I will not pay my taxes. The government is full of sick farm animals that need to be put down. They want to build a Rs. 1 billion monument for Benazir. I’ll do them one better. Just shoot them all in the head, dump them in front of the National Assembly on top of one another and pour concrete over them. Yes. I’m a sadist and I would love to see that. This country has gone to the dogs. Unfortunately for the dogs, I still think they’re ‘paleed’ and undeserving of my money. So suck it douche bags, but you’re not getting anything from me.

The government can harass me, burn me, throw me in jail, kill me but I am not going to let them take my money to finance their palaces; I am not going to let them take my money to gloat at me; I will not let them take my money to treat me like a second grade citizen in my OWN country. Sorry, but that just doesn’t cut it with me. 

Why the PPP Government should stay

Jarring democracy for personal benefit?
(Photo: Dawn.com)

While Pakistan continues to undergo tremendous pressures both at home and abroad, some ‘political’ elements have jumped onto the bandwagon calling for change. This call for change originated in London by Altaf Hussain, and culminated in Lahore with Nawaz Sharif reportedly telling Prime Minister Yusuf Raza Gilani to not expect any more help from them.

This whole paradigm shift needs to be understood in the larger context. On the face of it, it appears as if the increasing calls for change are directly dependent on the highly farcical performance of the government on all possible fronts, internal and external. Apart from that, it has also taken a serious moral whooping ever since its chairman (Asif Ali Zardari) decided to become President. With pending graft cases in international courts, and severe controversy surrounding his spouse’s (Benazir Bhutto) assassination, the idea of him taking charge as head of state was an unwise one. It also severely compromised his already battered image and led to a combine attack by all political elements of Pakistan onto his party.

But that’s not all. The dubious and ignominious pariahs that have somehow made themselves essential components of the PPP including Babar Awan, Firdaus Ashiq Awan, Fauzia Wahab etc have done irreparable harm to the goodwill of the People’s Party. Despite its negative image, the steps taken by the premier were the right ones. However, when it comes to intricacies, it has been badly let down by its party cadres.

But there’s more. You would imagine that the single largest political entity in Pakistan would have faced the onslaught from a position of power but that hasn’t been the case. The government has very meekly and quietly surrendered most of its power to the army and is now effectively under its command in matters pertaining to interior policy, foreign policy, and the defence policy. Even then, it was expected that those critics and intellectuals who profess to be the harbingers of democracy would negate this confluence between anti-democratic elements but surprisingly, they have discreetly and quietly appreciated rival parties of the government. It appears that the PML – N is being touted as being the next in line to the throne.

Now, I’ve never been a supporter of the PPP and the current government has substantiated my arguments against the PPP without a shred of doubt. But what parochial geniuses who call for change refuse to acknowledge or see is that, rocking the infantile ship of democracy in Pakistan will be tantamount to creating anarchy and chaos in this country. Just look at the events unfolding in Karachi everyday to draw up a generalized conclusion of what will happen to Pakistan if the little semblance of an authoritative structure (government) is compromised. Yes the PPP might have failed; yes it might be corrupt; yes it might be incompetent, but nothing and I mean absolutely nothing gives anyone the right to topple it, or ask army generals to descend upon it like judicious warriors. Those of us who criticize it to no end did not get our asses off from our comfortable couches to go and vote against the PPP. Nothing gives us the right to call for their removal now.

The other problem of course is that impatience and shortcuts are ingrained into our very natures. Nawaz Sharif is probably at the end of his patience limit now, having been out of power for so long and now eyes Islamabad with lust in his eyes. Backed with discreet encouragement from various quarters (army, columnists, intellectuals, civil society?), he is in the mood for the kill. However, being a part of any attempt to overthrow this government will probably seal his fate too. People have literally run out of patience with the political theatrics that are the order of the day. It has to be made abundantly clear that even if the people have run out of patience with the PPP, they are equally disillusioned with the PML – N.

What is needed is a clean break, and cutting the PPP government some slack. No doubt it has made some humongous oversights and errors of judgment, but it needs to complete its mandated five years to let democracy take root. At the end of five years, the people will decide for themselves as to who they want. Right now, politics of confrontation need to put aside in the best interest of the nation.

The Myth of the Dams

Tarbela Dam

You know when I was a little kid, who got scared by the thoughts of the boogeyman, I was taught how to hate India. It was a systematic incubation of the hate-India gene that was then left to grow in a relatively sterile environment. I was given all the right elements to let this virus inside of me grow and nurture until I was completely consumed by it. I still am if I’m honest. Nothing gives me more exhilaration than a good dose of India bashing.

But in reality, what this perception of India-is-the-greatest-threat-to-our-existence mixed with the Islamic political dogma did was isolate me, just like the rest of us from reality. We have believed fiction over reality because a) we cannot stand the reality, b) we have twisted reality around in incredible proportions, c) most of us don’t even know what the reality is and d) those of us who are well versed and well acquainted with reality would not like us to change our perception about India because that would mean hurting them in the nuts because they have vested interests involved in keeping the nation addicted to this India-bashing-syndrome.

The scope of this systematic decimation of the thinking power of the Pakistani nation goes well beyond what this article can cover. So let me just pick one point which has been pointed out to me by my friend Asfandyar Asif: Dams. We all know India has built dams on our rivers and has blocked our water. We also know that under the 1960 Indus Water Treaty, India has no right to do that and it is simply a gross violation of the terms that were agreed to under the watchful eye of the World Bank in 1960. But wait; is it all that simple and straightforward?

As has been the case with us for the greater part of almost 6 and a half decades now, we have believed every word that the state has told us without verifying it from anywhere despite the deep rooted notion inside of us that inspires us to curse the government and its lackeys because they are chain-liars. Professionals. What then made us believe the government on this point that India has stopped our waters? Was it because the media said so? But then, you would be an incorrigible buffoon to have so readily believed it.

Let me lay out some technical facts for you. We start with the fact that out of the 180 million people in Pakistan, less than a 100 will have actually read the Indus Water Treaty of 1960. According to the treaty’s clauses, India has up till now done absolutely nothing wrong. Don’t take my word for it. For once verify my source. Read the treaty yourself. Once you read it, you will come to know that the genius (pun intended) man Ayub Khan sold three of our rivers to the Indians at the behest of the World Bank. Which sane man decides to “sell” natural, national resources? Who does? But he didn’t stop there. His government also decided to let India use up to 4 Million Acre Feet of water from the three rivers that are legally Pakistan’s to use. So ladies and gents, sorry to burst your bubble on this one but no, India hasn’t done anything illegal up till now.

Now, this beggars the question as to why is the Government of Pakistan harping on about taking this matter to the arbitrator (World Bank) when it is sure to lose? Well, fact number two is that the Government of Pakistan has already tried a similar stunt some years ago and it failed. According to the treaty, India was adjudged as being within its right to do whatever it was doing on our rivers. The Government quietly slid its tail between its legs, and came home.

Since the PPP government has come in, it has only harped on about taking this matter to the court; it has shown no concrete steps to do so practically. The reason is simple; it quite simply knows that it will lose the case to India once again, and it will have to bleed through the nose in front of the public through the media which will make a mockery of it. So what do they decide to do? They decide to keep up the India bashing because it raises the morale of the Pakistanis and keeps their minds off discovering who the real culprit really is.

Now onto the question of building dams that my fellow countrymen raise so often. According to befuddling WAPDA provided figures with which I do not want to bore you, the Pakistani river system has 145 Million Acre Feet of water, and 35 Million Acre Feet of water that flows into the Arabian Sea. It is this 35 Million Acre Feet of water that the proponents of the Kalabagh dam say they want to preserve. I’m sorry to burst your bubble once again but I’m afraid in actuality, the total water in the river system of Pakistan is 137 Million Acre Feet and less than 10 Million Acre Feet of water flows into the Indus. This lack of water flowing into the sea has effectively caused the sea to “eat up” the land in the Indus Delta causing a loss of approximately 250 km² of land; not only that, Sindhi farmers are also totally dependent on the water that flows into Sindh from Punjab to irrigate their lands. Any yoodling by Punjab, or any stops on the system to store water in the reservoir will lead to decimation of the entire crops of Sindh for at least one year.

There is still hope and respite though. We lose approximately 50% of our current water to poor management and unclear policies. We have not updated our technology, nor have we utilized green agriculture to bring about a change in the way we consume (waste, actually) water. President Zardari is right when he says we need plenty of small dams. These dams could be sponsored by local communities and made exclusive to them. They could be used for power generation (again, localized grids and not nationwide) and also serve as a barrier against floods.

I know this post was long, but then the argument is very long and I have only skimmed the surface of it. Maybe I’ll write about why we wallow in India bashing so much and who’s interests does it serve, next. Till then my request remains the same: Start questioning, and start seeking answers to questions that you have taken for granted.

The Prado Connection

Just another motorcade. (Photo: Life.com)

And it’s not just the Prados. It’s the Land Cruisers, Range Rovers, Porsche Cayennes , BMWs, Mercedes Benz’s, hell, even Rolls Royce Phantoms in Karachi. And the commonality between them is always the same: a 4x4 double cabin full of gun toting hooligans with murderous looks. So what do these cars and their occupants represent? Or rather, what are they trying to represent? That they are the big-shots in this Land of Chaos? That they are the biggies in this otherwise country of the little-ones? Maybe they try to tell the masses who see their mad lunacy driven antics on the road that they maintain a semblance of discipline where none exists. Maybe, they’re trying to tell us that they command authority and respect when the same has disappeared for the masses; and from the masses.

What these mad-men with their gun-toting chums have failed to realize over time is that the nation has run out of patience with them. We, the nation simply do not care what and who these men in tinted 4x4s are. All we care about is that it makes our blood boil when we see them treat the road as if they own it; we seethe when the police shuts down the roads because some man who has deemed himself to be worthy of public office decides to take a leisurely stroll in a park 10 kilometers away. How much longer before the lava bursts? Even if they have no shame and no fear of God, I do believe they will know what science has to say on this matter. It is relatively simple to understand; for every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction.

The rights of this nation are non-existent. The executive has refused to take into account the gross injustices happening to the poor people of this country across the board. The legislators in the homeland are more interested in superficial matters; matters pertaining to their selves and their bank accounts. So Mr. Sharif, when you call Mr. Zardari by the name of Mr. 10%, please note that with all due respect sir, the masses think you’re not a saint either.

For over two and a half decades we have heard the same hollow words, the same hollow promises, and the same long guilt-ridden faces over and over and over again. It is time the men in power stop treating us like idiots who they can take for granted. Change will come, and it will have to emanate from us. We do not care you passed the 18^th Amendment; go celebrate its passing in your own backyard and start delivering real stuff. We do care when people die stuck in traffic jams just because some hot-shot decided to let out his fart in the bathroom of some posh hotel. We do care when traffic wardens are suspended, neigh, beaten up and then suspended for stopping a raving junkie with an MNA/MPA plate on his car. We do care when the prices of electricity go up without our consent and knowledge just because the IMF deemed it was “necessary”. We also care that you set up RPPs to supply a mere 62 MW of electricity by paying a fee in excess of a million dollars when the real shortfall is in excess of 3000 MW. We also care that the prices of essential foodstuff are never the same for two consecutive days. This isn’t Switzerland. We do not have the kind of wealth you have. We do not go to sleep without a care in the world. We are the depressed, shattered, angry, miserable people of this country who want out.

The mere fact that people like Zardari and Nawaz Sharif rule over us speaks woefully of our plight. And even worse than that, it is shameful to say the least that we elected them. Such people do not deserve our support, or our votes. I end my tirade with a question: when will we learn from our past mistakes? I do not direct this question to our leaders. I ask this from you. The Pakistani nation.

Facebook Politics

Musharraf with his trademark salute.
(Photo: Dawn.com)

Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a diehard supporter of Pervez Musharraf. Firstly because he was a general, and no general has ever made it into my good book and secondly, because he was a self obsessed, egotistical man. Now normally only one of these characters in a person suffices to make me never like him, but in the case of Musharraf, I'm forced to make an exception.

See whether you like it or not, agree to it or not, or even believe it or not, Musharraf did end up doing stuff that I have yet to see the politicians of this country do. Maybe he did it all because he had the general gene, or maybe because he truly cared for the country, or maybe he was scared that if he didn't perform, he wouldn't get a second chance. Whatever the case maybe, Musharraf introduced broad-range police reforms in 2002 which replaced the British era police legislation. He also introduced a system of local governments which are unprecedented in the history of the country and have never been seen since his departure.

A genuine hate for the man coupled with explosive bouts of schizophrenia no doubt, caused our erstwhile politicians to tank-roll the whole system. And herein lies the paradox; while there is no doubt that Musharraf's ego was larger than his camoflagued jacket at the waist, Monsieurs Sharif and Zardari's egos are larger than life itself. Not only that, but they are also utterly shameless because there is no other way of understanding why anyone would bulldoze a political setup that was actually working in the country for the first time.

Of late, I've heard and read in places that Mr. Musharraf has a huge fan following on Facebook and his fans refer to him as ‘Sir’ Musharraf. I beg your pardon, but I don’t believe the Queen has as yet decided that Pervez Musharraf is worthy of any Knighthood, and nor has she recognized any of his services that might have been carried out for the good of the UK. Although I will concede that Musharraf probably likes hearing being called Sir Musharraf. I think he should write another book and title it: From General Musharraf to Sir Musharraf.

Recently Pervez Musharraf announced that he will be returning to Pakistan. This announcement was made with poor hindsight because as it has transpired, he has based his popularity litmus test on the number of ‘likes’ that his page has received on Facebook. Admittedly, this number is almost 300,000 and is considerably larger than the number of ‘likes’ garnered for Imran Khan’s page,  or Zaid Hamid’s page, or even the US Government’s page, but it is still foolhardy to make Facebook fan following a yardstick to judge things by.

As much as Musharraf would like to disbelieve it, but the fact remains that the likes on his Facebook fan page represent a highly skewed sample from the total population. Pakistan has a below average tele-density (web access), and even then the majority of the net users is comprised entirely of urban, middle and upper class people. So the majority, people belonging to the rural areas, people living in slums, people with no internet access, are not even a part of the sample that Pervez Musharraf uses to base his popularity on.

The question of Musharraf’s popularity will only be answered once he decides to come back to Pakistan. In retrospect though, he is the first “former” leader of this country who has actually endeavored to take a stance of helping his countrymen and not just sitting back and enjoying the lavish fruits of his 9 year rule by holding a telethon and planning on holding more to raise money for the flood victims. If memory serves me right, both Benazir and Nawaz Sharif consumed with consummate selfishness and a hunger for power were busy politicking over the dead bodies of people in the aftermath of the 2005 earthquake, similar to what we’ve seen after the floods. It just goes on to show that some traditions die hard.

May God be with us all, and help us and lead us toward a peaceful, prosperous future. Amen.

Another Innocent Murdered Publically

The police is only there to protect the elite while the general
public rots in an open hell. (Photo: Dawn.com)

Today, they killed a man. They rained bricks on him until he couldn’t breathe or move. Until he was dead. It wasn’t too long ago when the world whimpered and bawled at the horrendous public lynching of two innocent brothers. Protests were held, the youth cried for justice, the government parried about with unusual haste if only to silence their critics; but I ask, who is going to raise the humdrum on this issue on which the mass media has baulked? Let’s not forget that this incident is equally grave, and brutal. Details are sketchy, but it appears as if two lawyers are responsible for this atrocity. It appears the torch bearers of the law themselves have decided the law isn’t worth upholding anymore.

Ever since the Lawyers’ Movement started, which metamorphosed into the Movement for the Restoration of the Judiciary, we have seen incidents involving lawyers engaging in dishonorable acts with increasing ferocity. They beat up any man, woman and child whenever they feel like it. Then they boycott the courts leaving the claimants of justice out in the dry. Apart from this amazing professional misconduct which is thought of as heroic, the social and moral compasses of these lawyers also seem to have started pointing towards the south. There is no doubt in my mind that the lawyers will whimper and cry if the police decides to arrest the two who have been charged with murder.

It seems as if we are hell-bent on proving ourselves to be vicious and morally dead. After the massive cyber debate that occurred as a result of the murder of Muneeb and Mughees Butt, the columnists, bloggers, tweeters, writers, the whole lot, had a field day in putting their views across for all and sundry to see and hear. They said we shouldn’t blame the Pakistani culture and nature for inciting violence because even in America such incidents occur. But do they have any moral capacity left now to declare that Pakistan is not a country of violence, when educated lawyers murder hapless citizens?

Granted that this country has never paid any attention to the development of the social index of its people but that does not absolve us of any responsibility. We have all been too intensely involved in squabbling over meaningless stuff such as who is a Muslim and who isn’t. Our thinking skills are also lack the foresight and vision needed to overcome this cultural and societal impasse. The majority of the rich elitist class is unable to connect to the common people, but they have found a perfect solution and that is to segregate themselves from the majority. Consequently they are only found in their comfort zones which include luxurious super malls, palatial mansions and flashy cars, extravagant entertainment facilities where the poor and the common will never dare set foot. They have built cocoons nestled right in the middle of the sea of misery, anger, rage and frustration that is running extremely high. Who then do we expect to come rescue us?

Examples of neglect, disregard and abandonment stare us in our eyes every day. The police refuses to do its duty, the army stands with contemptuous pride only to protect the cantonments where the king makers live, and the judiciary chugs along in a system marred with numerous injustices, corruption, and ineptitude. Who to and where does one turn to seek respite then, if not to take matters into his own hands? The pent up frustration inside is blowing up in new and unimaginable ways. No one seems to have any regard left for life itself. Innocent people have resorted to committing the biggest sin of all and even then are unrepentant.  It seems as if we are in an orgy of shameless moral, ethical and social decays and despite wanting out, we are only sinking deeper into the quagmire with every passing day.

There is no magic bullet solution to all this mess. Everything will have to be sorted out step by step and one by one. There is an urgent need to introduce police reforms. The ones that were introduced in the Musharraf era were a step in the right direction, however since the Police Order of 2002, no new legislation vis-à-vis the police has been done or seen, or even been debated upon. The incumbent judiciary has inadvertently decided to extrapolate itself as the greatest barrier against mass exploitation of the masses, however it is increasingly turning into a dictatorial house of power. As such, the judicial reforms are also long overdue to ensure speedy and timely justice to the masses. The army needs to go back to the barracks and needs to fine tune its intelligence capabilities (ironic really, because we never really stop hearing about how ingenious are intelligence collection is) to ensure that innocent citizens don’t die in sinister games that they have got nothing to do with. Instead of manning useless pickets which only serve as a nuisance and a reminder to the general public that it is the army that is truly in charge, the army needs to up its ante and focus its energies on eradicating the terrorists. Only then will some semblance of orderliness begin to emerge. 

Ten Reasons to Make Angelina Jolie Our President

Simply ravishing. And mind numbing. (Photo: Bbc.co.uk)

1. She’s hotter than Zardari, which means the dubious episode of Zardari – Palin encounter can finally be replaced with lusty images of Brangelina.

2. She’s an action hero who has kicked more men in the balls than I can remember. Or count.

3. She’s rich and she doesn’t have any qualms about spending her money to help those in need.

4. Her kids’ names (Maddox [awesome!], Zahara, Shiloh, Pax, Vivienne and Knox) are so much more cooler than Bakhtawar, Asifa, and Bilawal.

5. She can act like a double agent [Salt anyone?] which is great because we have to perform a balancing act with the US, Afghanistan, India and China. And we always fail with our current political line up.

6. She isn’t having a mid life crisis and appears she never will. Although in hindsight people who think about her probably never get out of their mid life crises…

7. She has no qualms about showing skin or wearing a burqa. Two diametrically opposed extremes but like the true superhero that she is, she fulfills them beautifully [her visit to Khyber-Pakhtookhwa being a case in point].

8. Her Presidency will lead to utter calm and peace to prevail in Pakistan because the liberals and the extremists will be too busy ogling at her when she addresses the nation to really worry about blowing things up, or eating out.

9. Whenever she will decide to take a stroll in Islamabad, flowers will blossom and the birds will chirp.

10. She’s got an Arabic tattoo on her arm which just shows that she prefers Muslims to Freemasons and consequently, the next great terror attack will involve a video message from Osama-bin-Laden sticking his tongue out at the Western Imperialists and saying: We got Angie baby, yeah!

Calling the bluff of PML - N and the PPP

Kayani manipulated Musharraf, and then he manipulated 

all the politicians. (Photo: Voiceofkarachi.blogspot.com)

Last night I saw a talk show hosted by Kashif Abbasi on ARY Digital in which the guest panel included the mother of all turncoats Hanif Abbasi of the PML – N, Asma Arbab of the PPP, and Maj. Gen. (R) Rashid Qureshi, who was the DG of ISPR in Musharraf’s time, and later remained his spokesman.

The discussion was about the return of Musharraf to power politics in this country and it was totally absurd. Hanif Abbasi for one does not have the right to tell anyone how and where political loyalties are established, considering he jumped ship, from Jamaat e Islami, right when his political affiliations were taking him down. And Asma Arbab should not lecture people about how Musharraf is muddying the name of the “revered” Pakistan Army, when she and her political party have been at the forefront of Army bashing internationally and in Pakistan for over four decades. Fact is, he’s not. He hasn’t talked about the army at all.

All these weird political, backstabbing, ignominious jackasses who come on TV to boost their self-centered egos and to throw dust into the people’s eyes need to be checked. Extolling the goodness of General Kayani and his army at every instant, and telling us they are our heroes when they themselves were, and have been either a direct or indirect part of the anti-democratic processes in this country since 1958, is ironic at the very least.

Why doesn’t Asma Arbab and her ilk castigate General Kayani in the same breath that they reserve for Musharraf? Lest we forget, Gen Kayani is as much involved in the political wrangling of this country as Musharraf, if not more ( Yes - Finance Ministry, Foreign Ministry, long march, Kerry Lugar bill, midnight meets, to name a few, are all matters of political wrangling). The fates of the Pakistanis and the political destinies are still defined inside the red brick walls of the GHQ. There is still no place for honest people in this country because even now vested interests from the army, the bureaucracy and the political setup are effectively plotting to enhance their own gains.

While Musharraf drew up the NRO, the PPP was nothing more than his lapdog. It refused to check him on every instant. If they are so “democratic” as they claim they are, then why did BB order her party cadres not to vote against Musharraf in the Presidential elections near the end of his reign? If I remember correctly, the PPP decided not to vote at all. What a farce.

And Hanif Abbasi ought to know better than to tell the people that “prisoners can never make deals.” Well guess what punk, your bald daddy set a precedent in 2000 then didn't he? He very much went to Saudi Arabia on a deal, chose to live in palatial residences of Arab autocrats, enjoyed lavish food and free waitressing and then when the time got right, he thought he’d come back and tell the nation about the “agreement”. By the same yardstick, Musharraf has done nothing wrong. He has gone into exile and he’ll come back when he wants to come back. Big deal. And Mr. Hanif Abbasi, you yourself were a part of Musharraf’s government when you were in power. MMA and the PML – Q had a working relationship even if it was marred by the occasional bump, but you were very much a part of it. There is no concept of self introspection in this country, because if we did, we wouldn’t have these fools come up on TV and say such benignly stupid stuff.

Oh and let’s not forget Gen Kayani. He was the Chief of ISI during Musharraf’s time, and therefore he was the one who was responsible for all the negotiations, compromises and conciliation between Musharraf and PPP. Not only that, he was leading ISI, Pakistan's supposedly first line of defense, in the Lal Masjid operation, for which Musharraf shares all the blame (Lal Masjid by the way happens to be at stone's throw distance from the headquarters of our dear agency). And now he pretends to be the savior of the Pakistani nation, and calls upon the Pak Army to defend its “ideological” borders. What nonsense. If he was such a saint, he would’ve refused to take on the mantle of the COAS (Chief of Army Staff) for the additional three years that he did. I’m sure the army has groomed enough generals to step into his shoes.

This country runs in paradoxes and is full of hypocrisy. Those who give sermons of accountability, honesty and decency cower when asked to prove their own. Sadly we have to choose the best from this worst kind and we even fail at that. Musharraf or no Musharraf, the politicians in this country, and the military men for that matter, have a lot to answer. Of course they never will and it would be futile to expect them to, but we can still call their bluff when they decide to make random individuals, punch bags to prove they are the righteous.  

Muslim Hypocrisy

Hypocrisy seems to be the new hallmark of our society. We're excellent hypocrites. In fact if all the conspiracy theories doing the rounds in our society and culture today are to be believed, it's actually surprising that we're not the perpetrators of such ingenious plans of bringing down the world.

Lately, the youth of this country has been misguided by whomever and whatever that conquering India and enforcing Sharia will solve our problems.

Fact is, it won't; it won't do anything of the sort at all. The majority of these so called 'modern-thinking-contemporary-revolutionary-Muslims' don't even know what Shariat is and what it entails. All they know is they they attended some superficial Islamic lectures where the lecturer told them how glorious the future of Pakistan and Islam is.

But it's not. Where in Islam is it said that a country by the name of Pakistan will rise from the ashes and lead the charge against the infidels? And even if I agree with this notion, how do we know that the 56 other Muslim countries besides us will not reject us as their leader? Please note that our Muslim brethren the Saudis, closer to us than our own flesh and blood is, ridicule Pakistanis and treat them as if they were petty criminals who have somehow desecrated their holy land (personal incident while on Umra in 2006).

Our way of thinking is flawed. We want Islam to permeate every particle of our existence and that is a very noble sentiment. But the pretentious demagogues amongst us will elicit the fact that they have trouble keeping two consecutive fasts, and here we are living in a Utopian dream that we're the chosen ones. Lest we forget, we're the ones who murdered a Hindu boy for drinking water from a cooler outside a mosque. We're sick, not Allah's warriors.

There is an utter and immediate need to stop this vehement poisoning of vulnerable minds. Calling for Islamic law and war on India is nothing more than shoddy hypocrisy. We're incapable of tolerating Islamic laws; we all are. And that's where our hypocrisy settles in. I read a comment on the Express Tribune where a man had said that he wasn't very religions but he still supported Zaid Hamid and wanted Shariat. To you sir, why don't you initiate a dry run of Shariat in your own house and see how long you last? Throw out your TV, stereo, CDs, DVDs, delete your female friends' numbers from your phone, go out on preaching assignments, start going to the mosques to pray and not your bedrooms, and the whole nine yards. Yes, the word you're looking for right now is hypocrite.

This is the bitter truth. There is no moderate or extreme Islam. There is no enlightened version of it. Islam is Islam whether we like it or not. So before calling for an Islamic revolution which is a feat only impeccable Muslims can achieve, think whether you've got the stomach to live in a truly Islamic society, and I don't mean the farcical one where Ali Azmat sings songs, and Maria B designs mini-skirts. And if you can't, then snap out of your unrealistic bubble know that just because you have a Muslim name, and you were born to Muslim parents, does not mean you are destined for glory.

Nations make their own destiny. You have choices of taking the right or the wrong. It is your decisions which will bring you God's peace and glory. So before clamoring for Shariat, please find out if you can even stomach it; lest you want to be known as a hypocrite.

Bakra Khan and Zaid Hamid

Bakra Khan is invited to a show hosted by Zaid Hamid after he proclaimed Geo was a TV run by the Freemasons publically.

ZH: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado, let us present to you the new male model of Islamic masculinity! I give you Bakra Khan!

*Crowd Cheers*

Bakra Khan: Please don’t… I am camera shy…

ZH: Fear not my friend. The camera loves you. Now tell us what the Zionists of Geo did to you.

Bakra Khan: Isn’t watching TV forbidden in Islam?

ZH: What nonsense. Who told you that?

Bakra Khan: My Imam…?

ZH: Obviously your Imam is a Mossad agent planted in your mosque to misguide you and keep an eye on you. Ever since you have declared Geo a Freemason TV, we have received 137,869 confirmed death threats against you from our sources in the Indian intelligence via SMS’s that they send us. They are truly mad at you for exposing their true face to the world! All hail the top contender for Caliphate, Bakra Khan!!!

*Crowd whistles and claps*

Bakra Khan (tentatively): Thanks…?

ZH: Oh come on! Lighten up! You’re on TV! You’re a star! See that hot chick wearing sleeveless in the audience? She would like to go home with you tonight for what you have done. *wink*

Bakra Khan: Na Aoozoobillah! What freaking nonsense is this? Have you no shame or morality left in you?!

ZH: Whoa chillax dude. It is our duty to inform you, that via special decoding devices that we have apprehended from the Zionists, we have intercepted transmission that God has decided that you will be rewarded tonight. And that woman on the back seat is in fact a fairy from the heavens! Let’s hear it one more time for the next Caliph of the Muslim world!!!

*Crowd hoots*

Bakra Khan (relieved, excited, flushed and rearing to go): Alright! But what about my wife?

ZH: She can join you and the fairy. Since the fairy is a fairy and your wife is actually your wife!

Bakra Khan: Ok, thanks!

ZH: You’re welcome! Now, what are your views about this conspiracy that the Jews have hatched to remove the gold standard?

Bakra Khan (confused): Wasn’t it the Jews who introduced the gold standard in the first place?

ZH (Bewildered): My God! Ladies and Gentlemen, we were not aware of this, but thanks to the true Muslim and patriot Bakra Khan, we have been exposed to this double game of the Jews! They are faking the gold standard to let Hindu Zionists attack us!!!

*Death to India! Death to America! Death to Israel!*

ZH: Please! Do not say death to India! If India is dead, how will Pakistan Radio issue its broadcast from Delhi? Please think before you speak.

Bakra Khan: How are the Hindu Zionists going to attack us?

ZH: They will use Hindus to stage attacks and then blame those attacks on us. And then they will try to conquer us! But by the Grace of Allah, and the mighty warriors in this auditorium – hey babe, you wanna go for dinner tonight? *wink*

Bakra Khan: Zaid Sir, people are watching…

ZH: Oh! Of course! The Indians will not succeed because we are Madina-e-Sani!

*Crowd goes mad*

ZH: Let it be known, that our sources inside Indian intelligence have told me, once again through SMS, what exactly the Hindu Zionist plotters will be wearing when they carry out fake attacks!

*Crowd chants Tell us! Tell us!*

ZH: Umm… No! We cannot tell you right now! We will tell you after we watch the video footage of the attack when it is carried out!

(As an afterthought)

It is for your security that I cannot tell you!

*Crowd gets more boisterous and loud*

ZH: Without further ado, let me ask Ali Azmat to come on stage and perform a concert for us now!

Bakra Khan: But isn’t music forbidden in Islam?

ZH: Of course not, why would you say anything like that?

Bakra Khan: Because my Imam said it is. And don’t you want Shariat in Pakistan? Shariat states that music is forbidden in Islam.

ZH: Nonsense Bakray, you are being paranoid. Music is allowed. So is dating. Don’t you see all these kids here? They’re all here on dates. But while on a date, they get to listen to good Islamic stuff. See?

Bakra Khan (totally lost): I’m confused!

ZH (kindly): Worry not. Once you listen to Ali Azmat, you will feel better!

*Crowd chanting Ali Azmat! Ali Azmat!*

­PAPPU YAR, TUNG NA KAR!!!

ZH (after the concert): Now Mr. Bakray, did you know that Sikhs have joined forces with Muslims in Pakistan?

Bakra Khan: I beg your pardon. How?

ZH: It is our great honor to announce through this platform, that the Sikhs of Pakistan are in fact, MUSLIMS!!!

*Crowd blows the noise through the roof*

Bakra Khan: There are some people standing at the back door!

ZH: Oh blimey! We are sorry to inform you that this event is cancelled! You can watch the rest of this show on Youtube! I will shoot a video of myself and upload it on Youtube! Cheerios Amigos!

Bakra Khan: But where are you going?!

ZH (running off the stage): Listen Bakray, you are bloody naïve. Those guys you see there are after me because I supported Yusuf Kazzab.

Bakra Khan: The impostor Prophet?!

ZH (at the main entrance of the auditorium): Yes. NO! I mean, look later ok? We have to run out of here now! Very nice meeting you, later!

*Bakra Khan returns home utterly confused and bewildered. Even the fairy didn’t go home with him. She went home with her boyfriend instead.*

Pervez Musharraf and Local Governments

Pervez Musharraf

Mr. Pervez Musharraf, former President and Army Chief of Pakistan, has a cult following. Either people love him, or people hate him. There is no middle ground, and for good reason I might add. People remember him as the man who sold 400 Pakistanis to the Americans. Others remember him as the man who descended not unlike the promised Messiah to rescue Pakistan from the clutches of a sadist and despotic autocratic dictator (Nawaz Sharif). There were times in his rule when people went gaga over him, and there were times when people resented his mere presence in Islamabad. But that aside, if there is one good thing that he did in all the years that he ruled, it was the introduction of the Local Governments’ system.

The dynamics of politics are just a tad over being explicable. I suppose all people who clamor up to the positions of authority do so with good intentions, and respectable objectives. Possibly, it is the power itself that becomes addictive, that forces people into considering overtures that they would not normally have thought possible. I am not defending what Pervez Musharraf did, merely trying to understand why all the people who have seen either the inside of the Prime Minister Secretariat, or the Presidency, fall towards this appalling dimension. I suppose the age old adage of ‘Absolute power corrupts absolutely’ rings absolutely true.

But it would be hypocritical of me if I did not give credit where it is due. One of the reasons that Pakistan seems to perform so well under Generals’ rule is perhaps because they feel insecure and isolated when they first take up the mettle of ‘leading the nation’. Consequently, they immediately put into series a chain of events that is based on the genuine will of showing the people that they are here to help. Naturally though, as this gambit starts to play out its natural course and with henchmen and cronies surrounding the new ‘savior of the doomed people’, the initial inclination of being pro-people is replaced by other, more sinister ideas and thoughts.

However, this post is not about whether Pervez Musharraf was a saint or not. When he came into power, he set up a National Reconstruction Bureau (NRB) who’s in charge was General Tanvir Hussain Naqvi. One of the first jobs given to Mr. Naqvi was to find a workable solution towards the long-term goal of devolution of authority, and decentralization of the power. In other words, this was to be the first step in the empowerment of the people. This principle of deregulating power in essence meant that the people would be spared the usual bureaucratic red tape, and arm twisting that went along with it right up to the upper echelons of the political system. Local issues were to be solved locally, and only matters of national significance were to be left to the federation. In retrospect, this system was simply epic.

Mr. Tanvir Hussain Naqvi drafted the Local Governments Ordinance that became a rallying point for Pervez Musharraf’s counter attacks against the self professed democratic yet very plutocratic and kleptocratic elements of our political systems. Just to put things into perspective here, a dictator who hid behind a façade of ‘genuine democracy’ went head to head with ‘democratic forces’ who were anything but democratic.

However, the idea behind Local Governments was indeed a very good one, and the years in which Musharraf ruled they have been nothing short of a success story. Karachi went from being unmanageable to one of the finest cities of Asia. Although in hindsight, it has taken only two years (since the Local Governments were officially removed) for it to return to its pre-grandeur state. The LGs were a runaway success because they actually did end up empowering the people somewhat. Of course there will always be some sort of corruption, or black sheep in any system; that’s a given. But the fact remains that the Local Government’s ensured that those matters that asked for provincial or even federal go-aheads could now be decided at the behest of a city mayor who had the backing of his city’s people. Such a system was never seen before in Pakistan, and has never been seen since.

One of the very many reasons that the floods were so devastating was that the state machinery had to be mobilized with the acquiescence of the provincial and federal governments, which were already so overwhelmed that they had no time to respond to requests coming in from small districts. Had the Local Government’s system remained in place, the response time of the state would’ve been much quicker and the devastation would’ve been much less catastrophic.

But then, that would’ve meant giving a dictator credit. This is our shoddy, farcical political system, where egos are nurtured at the behest of the nation. Bereft of any shame, dignity and poise, our political shenanigans are enough to make any Pakistani’s head hang in shame. These very ‘democratic’ forces of Pakistan cannot tolerate people from their own party who ask for elections for party offices, and we the misled people expect them to deliver on the national front. They say history repeats itself, and no doubt it does. The decade of sham democracy (90s) was marred by indomitable corruption. The actors in today’s political setup are exactly the same; so anyone who thinks that the 90s isn’t being repeated all over again is probably living in a fool’s paradise.

(People like me, with access to the internet and newspapers and TV are called pseudo-intellectuals. We’re known as the burgers because apparently we’re not in contact with reality. People say we write about meaningless stuff, such as Musharraf and his LG Ordinance. Well to be honest, the only reason I chose to dissect Musharraf’s regime was because I did not have the heart to write a happy joyous post on this occasion of Eid when there’s nothing to be happy about. There is only pain in my heart for my countrymen and it is so overwhelming, that I am unable to put it into words. Therefore, Musharraf will have to do for now. And Eid Mubarak to all of you.)

Why Muslims, Why?

This cartoon describes our predicament so perfectly. 

Our inherent disposition with religion pisses me off. Why? Why do we have to include religion in everything? Why can’t we leave religion alone? Why can’t we leave religion to be religion? Why does every argument have to have religion in the middle of its context? Why do people have to comment beneath satirical posts with words like “…if only people were following Islam…” or with words whose blatant meaning is “…we are Muslims so we cannot, and should not poke fun at ourselves.”

Well that’s just plain stupid. I mean why not? Why can’t we laugh at ourselves? Why am I viewed with disdain and hatred when I make fun of a Mullah?

But I answer. We have never been taught the values of question. We have never believed in change. We are still stuck in the 14^th century because we have not let ourselves and our religion evolve with the passing times. Consequently we are at a crossroads with the entire world. Right now, and as many of you will probably be saying, why am I not juxtaposing about the West and how it has maligned us? Well this right here is the real problem. Why should I blame the West when this is my moment of introspection? Why should I blame the West when clergymen of my religion have effectively hijacked my religion, and have tried to churn out puppets in the name of maintaining Allah’s sanctity?

When you break free of the invisible shackles that have bound you to the inherent discord prevalent in the Muslim world, you will see how foolish we appear to the people of the world. And yes, those people include Muslims. There was a reason Ijma and Qiyas was practiced; and the reason simply was to streamline Islam’s various laws in order to make them compatible with the continuously evolving world. Nothing stays the same. What made us think Islam would stay the same?

But then, Islam has stayed the same hasn’t it? We, the privileged Diaspora, find it disgusting and inhumane when people are stoned to death; when their hands are cut, and when they are flogged like donkeys in public. But that’s Islam. Islam that froze 1500 years ago because the Muslims thought letting it evolve might endanger their race.

Consider this example. The punishment of rape is death, proved by the saying of the beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW). But there is only one saying on this whole matter, and the incident narrated is quite a simple one in which the perpetrator accepted his crime. However, there is no mention of a punishment in the Quran for rape. Does that mean we should let all rapists roam free? Oh wait, that’s exactly what we do. Allah and the Prophet introduced us to the idea of collective decision making for precisely this very reason. When threatened with a dilemma, the righteous amongst us ought to sit together and find a solution that is representative of the prevailing times.

We have got to stop making religion an excuse for everything. We’re all ignominious in our relationship with God. It’s almost as if we’re making fun of Him. We call for Shariat, yet we can’t stop lying. We call for quick dispensation of justice under Islamic law, yet we lynch people every other day. When we want revenge, our elders tell us to go and satisfy our carnal desires by raping the offender’s mother, sister, aunt, sister-in-law and anyone that we can get our hands on. BUT let it be known, we the pious Muslims belonging to the Citadel of Islam, call for Islam to be implemented everywhere in full spirit. What a farce. Irony of ironies, we can’t even implement the basic essence of Islam in our own homes.

Now many of you will say that Islam is perfect and it is a complete code of life and therefore, it needs no changing, no amending, and no cosmetic changes. Bullshit. Islam is perfect because it allows people to live in harmony with their surroundings in the time that they are living. Sadly for us, Islam is as much about rigidity as it is about maintaining decorum in a courtroom. But that is wrong.

Every one of us uses Islam for personal benefit. Mullahs from Saudi Arabia call for random women to let men suckle their breasts (would someone tell these crazies the meaning of decency?) while our very own Taliban have made ransom for kidnapping a form of Jihad. 

Islam has been desecrated beyond reprehensible levels. The only question that’s really left to ask is, how long will it take for us to wake up from our reprieve, and start thinking, questioning and finding solutions in order to put Islam back on its glorious path?

A Crying Shame

At least someone's got their priorities right. Angelina Jolie
visiting flood stricken families. (Photo: Dawn.com)

And so it seems, it’s all crumbling up. The economic affairs of the state are out there for all to see. According to the Finance Minister himself, if the current spate of ostentatious spending is not curtailed, within a few months, the state will be unable to pay salaries and wages to its employees. Of course this admonishment has fallen on deaf ears because no concrete steps have emerged to trim the government’s fat, or widen the tax net.

But let’s leave that aside. What does it all mean for you and me and the common man? Just today for instance, the Sasti Roti scheme was curtailed and the price of a 20kg pack of flour shot up by an unbelievable Rs. 175. You can imagine what it spells out for the poor who were already finding it difficult to haggle together two square meals a day. They have been left out in the open to wring dry.

Nor does it spell good news for other, a bit more well-to-do people. The constant borrowing from the State Bank of Pakistan means that the government has effectively turbocharged the inflation to ungodly levels. In the last two weeks, food inflation alone has shot up by more than 7 times. Consider also, that the government is under serious pressure to increase the electricity tariff by more than 26% on the diktat of the IMF. Obviously no thought has gone into defining the outcome of this horrendous decision. As always, the stooges in charge will scamper when times get even tougher, and the nation will silently bear the brunt of the misgivings of its government once more.

The Public Sector Development Program lies in tatters. But it is unrealistic to expect the government to give a rat’s ass about the good of the people. Even right now, the assemblies have torpedoed the bills introduced which called for taxing the farmers of this country. What we tend to forget in our emotional diatribe is that the majority of farmland in Pakistan is under the direct control of billionaire landlords which range from Zardari to the Sharifs, to scamps such as Rehman Malik. How then does the nation expect the assemblies to cough up the moral courage to literally tax itself?

The statements being churned out of Altaf Hussain’s London residence get ever more vociferous. I don’t know what his calling is, but his demands of ousting the feudal and cleansing the system of corrupt landlords has its merits. However, I still wholeheartedly and vehemently disagree with his disposition that the army ought to meddle in something that is clearly beyond its call of professional duty. The army is comprised of soldiers, and as soldiers they are duty bound to follow the state; not go up in arms against it. Instigating the army will do no one any good (perhaps Altaf Hussain thinks different) and will only return Pakistan to the brink of total and utter chaos.

Of late, I’ve seen numerous people calling for a change in our collective mindset. But in view of the above mentioned prevailing crises, it is imprudent to expect the people to roil out a revolt. Revolts occur when the whole nation feels the brunt, and feels the pain. When the mouth feeders (elite class) have got the majority by the scruff of their necks, and keep feeding them enough to keep them at bay, it is futile to expect a revolution to occur.

The aid flows have dried up considerably. The majority of aid givers have had to deal with a bit of belt tightening because of the prevailing economic situation. So the question is, where will more aid come from if not from us? We may have stepped up to give in rations for a month to the hapless flood stricken people but they are going to need many more months’ worth of supplies to stay alive. Already new problems are breaking the surface in the form of measles, cholera, malaria, diarrhea, and gastroenteritis outbreaks. It is estimated that almost 3.5 million kids are prone to such diseases. And it’s been what, only a month since the waters receded from the banks of the Indus?

These are tough times for us; all of us. It is time we showed ourselves, and the world what Pakistanis are and what Pakistaniyat means to us. Let us all come together to overcome the challenges that keep coming in our way. Someday, we will overcome them. All of them.