June 29, 2010

Bakra Khan – Episode 2

Bushra Khanum (wife of Bakra Khan): Bakraaaaaaaaayyyyy! There are some men here to see you!

Bakra Khan: Tell them I’m busy.

A little pause –

Bushra Khanum: They insist on seeing you. What in God’s name are you doing?

Bakra Khan: I’m building a thing.

Bushra Khanum : What thing?

Bakra Khan: A thing that will make every human on this earth Muslim.

Bushra Khanum (kindly): Sweety, there already is a thing for that. It’s called a bomb.

Bakra Khan: Yes but this is different.

Bushra Khanum: I’m listening.

Bakra Khan (angrily): I don’t need you to listen you stupid woman! Go tell those men to go away. Or better, tell them to go to the mosque and do ablution. Who knows when they might die.

Bushra Khanum: Allah knows. And besides, why can’t they do ablution here?

Bakra Khan (sheepishly): Because I spat my naswari phlegm in the sink.

Bushra Khanum: You sick man. Fine. I’ll tell them.

A little pause –

Bushra Khanum (yells): Bakraaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy! They say they’re from the government!

Bakra Khan (pissed): Does that make them think they’re more knowledgeable than Allah?!  Stupid men think they don’t need ablution. Fine, tell them I’m coming.

FIA Agent: Are you Mr. Bakra Khan?

Bakra Khan: No, I am Mr Pir Saweer Bhainsri.

FIA Agent: This isn’t funny. We’re not funny. And the matter at hand is most certainly, not at all funny.

Bakra Khan (seriously): Why? Did some rooster lay some egg somewhere?

FIA Agent: Don’t try to be funny Bakra Khan, we know all about you.

Bakra Khan: Really? What’s my par-dadi’s name?

FIA Agent: Haseena Shahzadi Sarkozai.

Bakra Khan: Wow, you do know all about me. Now what can I do for you?

FIA Agent: For starters, tell us why you went to State University New York after graduating from a Madrassa?

Bakra Khan: Because they offered me a grant?

FIA Agent: No, the real reason.

Bakra Khan: That is the real reason.

FIA Agent: No it isn’t it.

Bakra Khan: Oh yes it is.

FIA Agent: We know –

Bakra Khan: Yes, yes you know all about me so skip the crap. What do you want?

FIA Agent: Back off.

Bakra Khan: Back what? Did you mean to say the eff word to me? How dare you, you Mossad agents in the land of Allah! I will kill you!

FIA Agent: Control we have confirmation on target, we are go to proceed.

Control: Take him in.

FIA Agent: Mr. Bakra, please come with us.

Bakra Khan (In fury): NOOOO! You yahoodi jasoosi maa ki aulad! I will not let you desecrate the sanctity of my house! Khanum Janummmmmm!!! They’re taking me! Call the police! CALL GEOOO!

Bushra Khanum (confused): But you said Geo’s a station of the Freemasons!

Bakra Khan: I don’t care! Just call them and get me the hell out of wherever these men are taking me!