September 11, 2010

Bakra Khan and Zaid Hamid

Bakra Khan is invited to a show hosted by Zaid Hamid after he proclaimed Geo was a TV run by the Freemasons publically.

ZH: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado, let us present to you the new male model of Islamic masculinity! I give you Bakra Khan!

*Crowd Cheers*

Bakra Khan: Please don’t… I am camera shy…

ZH: Fear not my friend. The camera loves you. Now tell us what the Zionists of Geo did to you.

Bakra Khan: Isn’t watching TV forbidden in Islam?

ZH: What nonsense. Who told you that?

Bakra Khan: My Imam…?

ZH: Obviously your Imam is a Mossad agent planted in your mosque to misguide you and keep an eye on you. Ever since you have declared Geo a Freemason TV, we have received 137,869 confirmed death threats against you from our sources in the Indian intelligence via SMS’s that they send us. They are truly mad at you for exposing their true face to the world! All hail the top contender for Caliphate, Bakra Khan!!!

*Crowd whistles and claps*

Bakra Khan (tentatively): Thanks…?

ZH: Oh come on! Lighten up! You’re on TV! You’re a star! See that hot chick wearing sleeveless in the audience? She would like to go home with you tonight for what you have done. *wink*

Bakra Khan: Na Aoozoobillah! What freaking nonsense is this? Have you no shame or morality left in you?!

ZH: Whoa chillax dude. It is our duty to inform you, that via special decoding devices that we have apprehended from the Zionists, we have intercepted transmission that God has decided that you will be rewarded tonight. And that woman on the back seat is in fact a fairy from the heavens! Let’s hear it one more time for the next Caliph of the Muslim world!!!

*Crowd hoots*

Bakra Khan (relieved, excited, flushed and rearing to go): Alright! But what about my wife?

ZH: She can join you and the fairy. Since the fairy is a fairy and your wife is actually your wife!

Bakra Khan: Ok, thanks!

ZH: You’re welcome! Now, what are your views about this conspiracy that the Jews have hatched to remove the gold standard?

Bakra Khan (confused): Wasn’t it the Jews who introduced the gold standard in the first place?

ZH (Bewildered): My God! Ladies and Gentlemen, we were not aware of this, but thanks to the true Muslim and patriot Bakra Khan, we have been exposed to this double game of the Jews! They are faking the gold standard to let Hindu Zionists attack us!!!

*Death to India! Death to America! Death to Israel!*

ZH: Please! Do not say death to India! If India is dead, how will Pakistan Radio issue its broadcast from Delhi? Please think before you speak.

Bakra Khan: How are the Hindu Zionists going to attack us?

ZH: They will use Hindus to stage attacks and then blame those attacks on us. And then they will try to conquer us! But by the Grace of Allah, and the mighty warriors in this auditorium – hey babe, you wanna go for dinner tonight? *wink*

Bakra Khan: Zaid Sir, people are watching…

ZH: Oh! Of course! The Indians will not succeed because we are Madina-e-Sani!

*Crowd goes mad*

ZH: Let it be known, that our sources inside Indian intelligence have told me, once again through SMS, what exactly the Hindu Zionist plotters will be wearing when they carry out fake attacks!

*Crowd chants Tell us! Tell us!*

ZH: Umm… No! We cannot tell you right now! We will tell you after we watch the video footage of the attack when it is carried out!

(As an afterthought)

It is for your security that I cannot tell you!

*Crowd gets more boisterous and loud*

ZH: Without further ado, let me ask Ali Azmat to come on stage and perform a concert for us now!

Bakra Khan: But isn’t music forbidden in Islam?

ZH: Of course not, why would you say anything like that?

Bakra Khan: Because my Imam said it is. And don’t you want Shariat in Pakistan? Shariat states that music is forbidden in Islam.

ZH: Nonsense Bakray, you are being paranoid. Music is allowed. So is dating. Don’t you see all these kids here? They’re all here on dates. But while on a date, they get to listen to good Islamic stuff. See?

Bakra Khan (totally lost): I’m confused!

ZH (kindly): Worry not. Once you listen to Ali Azmat, you will feel better!

*Crowd chanting Ali Azmat! Ali Azmat!*


ZH (after the concert): Now Mr. Bakray, did you know that Sikhs have joined forces with Muslims in Pakistan?

Bakra Khan: I beg your pardon. How?

ZH: It is our great honor to announce through this platform, that the Sikhs of Pakistan are in fact, MUSLIMS!!!

*Crowd blows the noise through the roof*

Bakra Khan: There are some people standing at the back door!

ZH: Oh blimey! We are sorry to inform you that this event is cancelled! You can watch the rest of this show on Youtube! I will shoot a video of myself and upload it on Youtube! Cheerios Amigos!

Bakra Khan: But where are you going?!

ZH (running off the stage): Listen Bakray, you are bloody naïve. Those guys you see there are after me because I supported Yusuf Kazzab.

Bakra Khan: The impostor Prophet?!

ZH (at the main entrance of the auditorium): Yes. NO! I mean, look later ok? We have to run out of here now! Very nice meeting you, later!

*Bakra Khan returns home utterly confused and bewildered. Even the fairy didn’t go home with him. She went home with her boyfriend instead.*