July 16, 2010

The Ostrich Approach

The ostrich approach is native and traditional to Pakistan. It is ingrained into our souls like the fusion of the sitar with classical music. It is a part of associating with the Pakistani culture as much as the chicken karahi is associated with the true depth of being a Pakistani. You might imagine then, how the ostriches, which are not native to Pakistan are associated to this whole dilemma; well the ostriches are Pakistani. Because they are truly remarkable at representing at us. Just read on to find out what I mean.

Now the ostrich approach was coined after great explorers, or in our case I ought to call them philosophers (for truly unraveling the mystery of the ostriches), watched ostriches bury their heads into the ground whenever they were faced with grave danger. Sounds stupid? Apparently not. You see the great explorers cum philosophers discovered through various experimentation techniques that the ostrich believes that because it can't see the danger, because it buries its head into the ground, the danger doesn't exist. This puritanical way of approach to things reminds me forcefully of our predicament, and hence the name of this post.

You see we Pakistanis are faced with a unique dilemma. We are ostriches neigh, lambs who think they are ostriches, and consequently we love to bury our heads into the ground whenever presented with a challenge. So for instance, when the legislators' degrees turn out to be fake, they ignore the issue completely and start to bleat about the media's brashness and so on and so forth. But since we're the poor hapless nation, let me talk about us for a change and give the ye olde turds from the illiterate background some breathing space.

Our main issue is the lack of reconciliation. Oh don't think we don't try, but like I said before, it is just so much easier to ignore the issues and talk about the weather instead. You talk about the west and the people will talk about the east. You talk about the day and the people will scream night! You say sky, and the response is earth. You think left, and the uncanny response is right. And in all this confusion you end up thinking: “What the hell is going on?!” This is what in short is known as the ostrich approach. Our ostrich approach. Don't talk about the issues, just ignore them. You might've noticed that we are intricately innate in opposing almost everything without even discussing, analyzing or understanding the core issues. We will jump to conclusions and consequently when someone raises their arm to ask to what problem you have reached your conclusion to, we are clueless; and sometimes, because buffoons rule us, we are also speechless. But then again, how dare someone ask us a question! It is all Musharraf's fault and a Neo-Zionist conspiracy against us. Brilliant.

In conclusion to my catharsis and this discourse, I present to you my solution, 'Reverse psychology'. So from now on, when you WANT conflict resolution talk about the weather. Talk about the Taliban as if they're your twins, separated at the time of birth and the ones you've spent an eternity trying to find. Say that you want to go out on a date with Zardari but in reality your heart is Nawaz Sharif's and you would want to marry him. Yell at the liberals and call them Nazi fascists and then proclaim to recite naats and prove you are a true Muslim because hey, that's what being a true Muslim is all about. Stone your wives after calling them adulterers and then marry the girl you're having an affair with. It is so simple, don't you just love it?

My rambling can go on and on but let me stop. Nestle beckons me to finish the stupid assignment they've given me. Cheerio y'all!