The death of Pervez Musharraf

Pervez Musharraf

This is not a eulogy. I grew up in the era of Musharraf. I was a teenager, living in a privileged bubble watching as the country flush with American dollars boomed; metaphorically and literally. Pakistan had recently discovered the concept of marking up land values, and the terrorists had discovered that you can brainwash young men and women to blow themselves up. And such was my existence. The closest I’ve come to this boom was when my family migrated from a trusty old Suzuki Khyber, to the status symbol of the newly minted middle class, the Corolla GLi; and when the parade lane suicide bombing took away the lives of friends and people I had known; and that one time when I luckily missed being caught in the middle of a suicide bombing by 15 minutes (the attack on the then Surgeon General of Pakistan, Lt Gen Mushtaq Ahmed Baig).

I remember Musharraf’s fists of power in the air as he was informed of the carnage that unfolded in Karachi. And I remember when he said Pakistan has now embarked on an era of enlightened moderation. Privilege has this uncanny habit of making you blind to the pain, misery and suffering that surrounds you. Because it doesn’t affect you and bother you. It affects and bothers others. And who cares about others when you’re privileged?

It was only later that I recognized what a poisonous and treasonous snake the man who had said “Pakistan first!” actually was. Because if he had actually put Pakistan first, he wouldn’t have tried to play with its destiny like a man flipping a house for quick money does. Selling people for dollars to satiate the American appetite of goriness; filling the country and its institutions with holier than thou army officers who had no business or knowledge running those institutions; repurposing the law of the land and landing jiujitsu chops on it to make himself the tall and high lord of the country. I believe he thought he was doing the right thing. I believe he thought he knew what Pakistan needed, and I believe he thought he knew how to do it. Back then there were only 140 million of us, and the sad reality is that one man, no matter how perfect (let alone a treasonous snake), cannot, will not and has not ever been able to fix the mess. If it takes a village to raise a child, you can bet it was going to take a lot more people than one Pervez Musharraf to raise Pakistan.

But perhaps the most iconic and stunning blunder of his era — and the example that perfectly encapsulates that he believed himself to be the Napoleon Bonaparte of our times — was before he booted Nawaz Sharif from office. It was the wild, incomprehensible idea to turn the Line of Control into an active war zone. There was no need for that. Absolutely none. But Musharraf’s stupidity was such that he decided to take Kargil by himself; without informing his Prime Minister, without informing his own corps commanders, or the services chiefs of the branches of our military. We saw this film play out before, in 1965. When another tiny IQ man fancying himself as the liberator of Kashmir didn’t inform the Air Force of his folly to invade Kashmir. Anyway, the Indian response to Musharraf’s wet dream was swift, dramatic, and intense. It got so bad, that the same chief who had decided he would take Kargil and kill India’s aspirations of ever accessing Kashmir again, had to publicly deny that the soldiers who’s dead bodies were freezing in the mountains of Kargil were his. The shamelessness of it all should’ve made Musharraf rethink his rhetoric, but a narcissist never questions his antics. He only finds blame. It was the Indian Army that buried the men Musharraf had sent in to take Kashmir from them.

Musharraf was a larger than life personality. But he was a dictator who thought he knew better, just like the narcissists before him, and the narcissists after him. Just like all his predecessors and his successors, he too sought to place blame on anyone but himself. But history is not kind to those who are immoral and unprincipled. Because ultimately, the populist rhetoric wears off and the only thing left is you, your morality, your humanity, and your principles. And when the whole basis of your legacy is based on subversion, abrogation and treason, you cannot hope to be remembered fondly.

Farewell Musharraf. 

Musharraf's wealth explained

Pervez Musharraf

65 crores. That's the value of assets declared by Pervez Musharraf in his nomination papers submitted to the election commission of Pakistan. He also has not paid any tax in the last 3 years to the government of Pakistan. Several questions have been raised about the source of Musharraf's funds (which he did not mention) and why he did not pay any taxes.

Let's discuss those questions.

How did Musharraf end up making so much money when he was in fact a government subordinate and retired with not much (relatively) money? The answer to that would be that since his self imposed exile, Musharraf has gone on various international lecture series and tours. The average compensation for one lecture is $100,000 (that's almost 1 crore rupees, give or take). Now in the past 4 years if Musharraf has even done 25 lectures, that means he's earned 25 crores. Assuming he is an educated man and is not overly stupid, he must have (and he did indeed) made a lot of investments which have returned handsome profits to him. So where he got his money should be clear for all to see.

Now the second question, why didn't he pay any taxes? Well according to the Pakistan tax rules, residents of Pakistan earning income abroad are not liable to pay taxes on that income within Pakistan. The Pakistani tax rules assume that because Pakistanis send valuable foreign exchange to Pakistan, it is more than enough to not double charge them (unlike the United States of America, where foreign income is tax deductible). Hence, Musharraf did not pay any income taxes for the last three years he was not in Pakistan. The pension he gets already is tax deducted (income tax is deducted at source) and while we do not know why he did not pay any property taxes (maybe the properties are not in his name? Maybe he did pay the taxes through a proxy that don't appear in his name? Maybe he is indeed, a tax defaulter?) we can be reasonably sure that the money he did make is indeed legitimate.

And finally there's the biggest question of them all, one that doesn't even concern Musharraf. What about the other so called "sadiq" and "ameen" (pious and pure) politicians of Pakistan? The one's who are known to be inherently corrupt? For example Nawaz Sharif says he owns only 1.5 crore rupees in assets (maybe he forgot the 600 crore Raiwind estate he lives in is not his own?) while Zardari says he only owns 1.8 crore rupees (of course he also forgot he owns palaces in France, Dubai and God knows where else). And then there's the cherry on top of the cake, Hamza Shahbaz Sharif who says that he doesn't even own a Suzuki Mehran.

Let's take a moment to reflect on this. These gentlemen who claim that they have next to nothing travel in cars that cost around 6 - 7 crore each. They live in palaces that cost hundreds of crores. And they live a lifestyle that is simply not possible on the meager "incomes" that they declare. So my question is this, do you finger pointers not think before you open your mouths to make allegations?

Once upon a time in Larkana

Zordari

Once upon a time in a land far far away in Larkana, there lived a thug. The thug belonged to the Chaprasi community native to Larkana and so he was called Chaprasi. Chaprasi was a handsome thug. He had left many girls swooning over his naughty boy antics and naughty boy looks. Once he was caught by the village elders for making the kissy kissy faces at smitten dames of Larkana, but what do you know, as soon as they yelled Chaprasi, Chaprasi was gone leaving in his wake sparkly clean houses and streets. Bedazzled by the sudden cleanliness of their city, the city elders sat down in awe and proclaimed that from now on Chaprasi would no longer be a slur. It would be an honor of the highest merit. Unbeknown to the poor innocent Larkana-ians, Chaprasi had taken all their belongings. But that was all fine because the villagers were busy aww-ing over their Chaprasi. And so begins the story of Chaprasi.

Legend has it that Chaprasi disappeared of the radar forever and was never heard of again after looting his village. However, the occasional odd rumor of some handsome thug smiting a dame continued to reach the Larakana-ians for many years. After a few years a new man claiming to be a native of Larkana emerged; he called himself Zordari and he proclaimed that Chaprasi was his ancestor. Zordari thought that because people considered Chaprasi to be a hero, he would be welcomed back with open arms and would be declared King of all Larkana. But the village elders were smart. They asked Zordari to prove that Chaprasi was his ancestor. And so Zordari told them:

I am an only child of my mother. When my mother was young, she fell in love with a thug. He also claimed to love my mother, but then she found out that he had gone and married someone else. He had 19 kids from that marriage. In the meanwhile, my mother gave birth to me. But she was banished from the village because she wasn't married when she gave birth. So as you can imagine, it is quite easy to comprehend where I came from. 

When the people heard this, they also used their genius minds to conclude that Zordari might indeed be the ill-begotten child of Chaprasi, and so they named his Chaprasi Junior because it rhymed with Zordari. Now since Zordari had the genes of Chaprasi, it only took him a short while to become the King of Larkana. However, he had none of Chaprasi's acumen, nor his good lucks. Despite that, because Chaprasi blood ran in his veins, he never stopped hitting on women left, right and center. And his lucky stars did indeed prove to be lucky because one day, out of nowhere, a girl from the Bhutto family fell for him. That day, Zordari started believing in Cupid, while Larkana stopped believing in it.

Now Zordari was a Khandani boy with Khandani values, despite the fact that he was a bastard and his morals weren't exactly, you know, impeccable. And so he asked his mother to go to the Bhutto House and ask for their daughter's hand in marriage. His mother tried reasoning with him but Zordari, with Chaprasi blood coursing in his veins, was adamant that he will marry the girl who has the largest land in the whole of Sindh province in her name. And so he did marry her and boy, what a marriage it was. While Zordari busied himself with making large amounts of cash, all people who could possibly inherit even a sliver of the Bhutto fortune kept dying in mysterious circumstances. People kept whispering the Chaprasi is at work but no one ever dared say it to Zordari's face. Alas, just like the rest, the handsome girl from the Bhutto family also died in mysterious circumstances, handing everything that she had on a silver platter to the increasingly greedy Chaprasi, I mean Zordari.

But the little kids in Zordari's class threw a tantrum and proclaimed it was unfair that he should get the whole cake. They demanded a piece of the booty too. But Zordari was too busy swooning over Sarah Palin to really care for what was happening around him. Soon Cupid had struck a second arrow into Zordari's heart but before a new baby could be born out of wedlock, Zordari's pet doggies intervened and stopped him from committing the same sins that his alleged father had committed. Zordari was furious for not getting his way and vowed vengeance from the people of Pakistan.

And so he acts like a sly fox whenever the people of Pakistan are struck with calamities, and he points and laughs at them all the while sending graces to the heavens for giving him an alleged ancestor known as the Chaprasi.

(All characters depicted in this fictional story are fictional and any resemblance to any character living or dead, is only co-incidental.)

You've got it all wrong!

Zero Dark Thirty released in Dec 2012

Over the past couple of months I've watched several western TV shows. Three of them stuck to mind. The first is Sherlock, a British thriller TV series that reincarnates Sherlock in the 21st century. Modern, elegant, crisp and beautifully shot, this TV show has been a particular hit in the UK. The second show that stuck to my mind is Homeland, a US TV series based around the premise (spoiler alert) that two US marines taken captive in northern Iraq have turned on their country, become Muslim and are now sleeper assassins ready to bring down the mighty USA. And finally the third TV show is another US based series called Shameless which is about a dysfunctional family and their various problems. But why am I talking about western television shows you might be wondering? Well I'll tell you why. They've got something very wrong. And that something is the image of Karachi, Lahore and Islamabad.

Now we as citizens of Pakistan know how cool and exciting Karachi, Lahore and Islamabad are. Unfortunately these westerners have absolutely no iota of an idea about their awesomeness and they have depicted them as terror havens with burqa clad women, turbaned mullahs, and terrorists roaming around as if they are on vacation. In Sherlock for example, Sherlock Holmes actually saves someone from getting beheaded in Karachi. In Homeland, Lahore is depicted as being a breeding ground for terrorists, and Islamabad is depicted as having safe houses of terrorists. And in Shameless, well they pretty much bulldoze the entire country in to the ground.

The problem is because the majority of the western population has no idea about Pakistan and its cities, they will more likely than not form negative, unjust and cruel opinions about these Pakistanis cities. They will never get to know about the calmness, serendipity and relaxing charm of Islamabad. They will never get to know about the unique Lahori hospitality, the colorful life, the amazing food (some say its the best food in the world and I agree wholeheartedly) that Lahore offers. And these same people will never get to know that Karachi never sleeps, has malls, parks and recreational places that rival Madrid's, has a diversified and multi ethnic community that happens to be the most educated amongst all of Pakistan's cities.

Homeland is instrumental in depicting Muslims in
bad light

And this is what alarms me most. An average Westerner who watches TV, goes to work, comes back, goes to his regular hang out place with his regular friends will grow old thinking Pakistan is the country where terrorists are born and bred. The whole image of Pakistan stands broken and shattered. It doesn't help our cause that the law and order situation in our cities isn't top notch, but Pakistan simply isn't the country that its made out to be. For example Karachi's problems are no different than Mumbai's so to speak, but while the Indians show the world how fun and classy Mumbai is, we are left with defending Karachi as not being the place where terrorists go to shop.

And this leads me on to my second point. It's all about the image perception. Even though India has some dramatic domestic problems, the world does not get to hear about them. What they do get to see and hear instead are the "Incredible India" ads that show what a classy, true to its roots eastern, modern, vibrant, happy and colorful country it is. Which makes me want to ask this question: Why can't we do the same? Where are our image managers? Oh that's right, we don't have any because nobody cares. What we do have however is a President who is tainted with corruption charges and who refuses to acknowledge those blemishes, we have a Prime Minister who goes to the Supreme Court for disobeying its orders, we have an army that is constantly berated for harboring ties with the militants, we have an administration that is repeatedly told to do more because inadvertently the majority of terrorists are found to have visited Pakistan and most importantly we are the country where Osama bin Laden was found.

We really need to pull our act together and fix our faults. Because even though all of the aforementioned things are true, we know what a great culture and a beautiful country we have. We can't let the world's idea of us ruin our heritage and our pride like this. This propaganda needs to be countered because these festering notions about Pakistan will lead to a greater scrutinization of Pakistan which considering how many problems we already have with the world, will hurt us even more. It's time to show the world what Pakistan really is. It's time to take this cause into our own hands because our elected leaders are incapable of projecting our image the right way.

Stay in your limits, general

Can't say anything to the military, that's treason; can't say anything to the judiciary, that's contempt of court; can't say anything to the Mullahs, that's blasphemy; but the Prime Minister, President and Parliament, let's lynch them because it is our democratic right.

Or so read the Facebook statuses of thousands of Pakistanis. And apparently also on Twitter. So why is everybody being so queasy about treason and contempt of court and blasphemy? Well that's because the lot of Pakistanis with some common sense and rationality are increasingly being cornered with no way.

PM Gilani in an interview to a Chinese daily hinted that the replies filed by the Chief of Army Staff General Kayani and the Director General ISI General Pasha were unconstitutional and held no legal merit. He of course forgot that they were both respondents who were served notices by the court directly and then had to reply to the court with or without Gilani's approval.

Now we know that Gilani is not a very clever man and doesn't think things through properly. But we have been led to believe like the little black sheep who only bleat and follow whatever comes in their way, that Kayani is super perfect and that he has Kim Jong Il type powers of awesomeness. In addition we have also been told rather repeatedly that because Kayani is so perfect, he can never do any wrong. Oh how sorry were we.

You see in response to Gilani's rather stupid hinting capabilities, Kayani hit back at the "civilian democracy" in the place where it hurts the most. Kayani via an army statement said that Gilani's statement could have "serious ramifications" for Pakistan. But hold your horses! He further goes onto threaten the civilian baddies with "potential grievous consequences for the country."

As a citizen of this poor, shunned, brow beaten shell of a country that this once was, I stand hurt and well mighty damn angry. How dare Kayani who is nothing more than a grade 22 officer threaten the democratic institutions of Pakistan? Who does he think he is? Does he think he is God (naaoozubillah)? Does he have a magic wand that he will wave and make the problems of Pakistan go away? Oh wait. That can't be it because he was asleep in his king size bed at home when Pakistan's sovereignty was raped for 2 whole goddamn hours on May the 2nd!

It pains me, disgusts me and shames me that even now there are people in this country who support a martial law imposition; who think Kayani coming to the helm of affairs will fix everything. Well let me just bust your bubble: It will not. The favourite argument of these self professed cleansers of Pakistan is that because Zardari is corrupt, he has done corruption. Because he has done corruption, his whole party has done corruption. Because PPP has done corruption, the army needs to come to fix everything. Wrong!

So Zardari is corrupt and Gilani is stupid and Firdaus Ashiq Awan is an affront to the intelligence of women, the fact of the matter is they are only criticised because there are no "ramifications". Because criticizing them will not land you in jail, or your deathbed. Let's talk about another type of corruption today shall we?

Rs 800 billion was allotted to the army last year. Rs 800 billion. Now let's recount what took place last year. First there were the drone attacks. But it turns out Kayani was hand in glove with the Americans on that one. Let's all laugh about how stupid we all were for thinking the army was defending the frontier while in fact they were the ones providing spot locations for drone attacks. And lest you forget I'm all for drone strikes to wipe out militants. I'm just amazed at the sheer hypocrisy of those (read: army) who proclaim that the Americans will not be allowed to toy with our sovereignty. What sovereignty do they talk about? But I digress. Then came May the 2nd. A day that will forever go down in history as being the day when Pakistan lost all morality in the comity of nations. Why didn't our army defend us? Why didn't our Air force defend us? Why didn't the army shoot down the raiding American helicopters while they fluttered about in Pakistani airspace for two hours? Why didn't the army take action when all the action could in fact have been live from the Pakistan Military Academy? Why? And when the civilian baddies tried to fix that (via the Memogate, wrong method but correct intentions) the army just got pissed. What about the navy base attack? When 4 "Star Trek" characters set a whole base on fire and laid siege to it for 16 hours. How incompetent is our army? Even with Rs 800 billion a year in its pockets. And they talk about defeating India in war when can't even defend their own shoddy selves. Why does no one talk about this corruption?

And lest we forget, yes Kayani is the rat bastard who is responsible for putting this country under the water and making it sink. Now he trespasses the halls of morality but let me jog your memory. In 2007 Musharraf wanted an NRO with Benazir Bhutto. He sent his DG ISI to draft an agreement and get it signed. That agreement was called NRO. And who was that DG ISI, the architect of that agreement? Why yes it was Kayani. Who rules this country behind the facade of Gilani and Zardari? Why it's Kayani. And who has burnt this country down and sold it to the dogs? Why yes, it is indeed Kayani.

I don't have a problem with the army, or the soldiers who stand day and night watching these insolent generals who have nothing better to do than to fart all over the destiny of Pakistan. I have a problem with the generals. Making Kayani the chief executive will be the final nail in the Pakistan's coffin. Let's make that clear.

So how do we go about sorting through this mess? By letting the PPP complete its 5 years in power. You see we have now seen how inept the PPP has been in power. In the next elections people like me who have never voted before, are going to vote it out of power and vote somebody better in its place and so on and so forth. But instead if Kayani comes to the helm, well then bye bye Pakistan. You were truly loved and you will sorely be missed.

By linking the performance of the governments to the voting process and by empowering the common people, in only 20 years' time this country will be a much, much better place than it is today. People themselves will see how democracy is a million times better than the army mounting coups. Kayani should not sully the good name of all those nameless soldiers who have died, who stand upright during the night to protect his highness, and who when the time comes become brothers to those Pakistanis who need them. Kayani would be well advised to keep his fantasies to his self. Kayani should stay within his limits.

Bin Laden you naughty, naughty boy!

OBL was in fact very tech savvy. Hmm.

After 10 days of not blogging about OBL (because I couldn't care less, and because our "Higher Command" has ensured that I will hang my head in shame no matter what), I have decided to defecate on whatever respect OBL has had left.

Some people say he has no respect, but rather he's left behind a legacy. Well now I don't know about that but I sure as hell know he left behind 3 wives one of whom took a bullet in the leg for him - not in the heart though dear readers, please note. Guesses for why she didn't are only as good as the White House would let them be, but some of us mere mortals (with too much free time on our hands) can connect the dots ourselves. We don't need NSA to do that for us.

Porn was found stashed in OBL's Abbotabad house. According to the details which keep leaking out (I wonder why don't they just tell us everything in the first place? It would make life much easier for everyone) the pornography "consists of modern, electronically recorded video and is fairly extensive". Well now isn't that just charming?

So like I was saying before, bin Laden's wife did not take a bullet in the heart for him. The reason? Well any average schmuk can tell she had found bin Laden's porn stash. Not only was she having to share the old man with two other women, but also with the likes of pornography on DVD. That is just sick.

People on the very famous "liberal" newspaper the Express Tribune's website have poked fun at bin Laden for hiding porn in his house. Their reasons have varied between "he was after all a mortal" to "Osama was into freak stuff" to "he was actually preparing himself for the hereafter where he will get more than what he had on planet earth".

Whatever the case maybe, bin Laden proved in death he was a very modern liberal terrorist. Maybe the US can take that as a cue that all Muslims are in fact extremely liberal, and the only reason they like to play with guns is because the US has companies which make games like Medal of Honour and Call of Duty in which they're always killing harmless Muslims. Since in single player missions it is impossible to play the mission as Afghan Taliban or the Iraqi insurgents, they are left with no choice but to retaliate in the real world in real time.

Now you may argue that they can play whatever side they like in multiplayer missions but then you'll forget what OBL had wanted you to remember: Al-Qaeda and its ilk do not know how to play games on the internet and hence, there was no internet connection in bin Laden's hideout.

There. I've just solved America's entire nightmare of being stung by terrorists. Make the games' publishers put in single player missions in which the players can assume the role of Mullah Omar, bin Laden and Asif Ali Zardari.

That's all for now. My brain has been cooked after meticulously planning out this ingenious solution to ever lasting world peace.

Peace out. I need me a lemonade.

(PS: I know some of you are thick headed and will interpret this blog literally. If you do that, I suggest you go take a hike because this was a sarcastic joke. Well its more of a joke than sarcasm to be honest but then again. Loosen up. It won't kill you.)

Will Manmohan Singh's cricket diplomacy work?

If history is a marker to judge the future by, then the answer is a definite no. But if you, like me, believe that the future is as unpredictable as the toss that will decide who bats or bowls first in Mohali, then the answer simply is: We don't know whether cricket diplomacy will work or not.

It is indeed a commendable step to invite over Zardari and Gilani to try to kick start a stalled dialogue process. And it will also give Singh a chance to escape the heat of the local issues plaguing his government such as the allegations of graft.

Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh

While there is no doubt that cricket itself stands to gain from the encounter between India and Pakistan on Wednesday, the diplomacy appears uncertain at best. Below are some of the incidents from history that show why cricket diplomacy has been a non-starter.

1. In 1987 Zia ul Haq visited Jaipur to witness a match between India and Pakistan which marked the resumption of cricketing ties between the two countries after 17 years of suspension. However, two years later in 1989 the freedom struggle in Kashmir blew out of proportion and the two countries were back to square zero.

2. In March of 2004 the Indian cricket team visited Pakistan for a series ending a 10 year drought. They were accompanied by Rahul and Priyanka Gandhi. India's national security advisor at that time Brajesh Mishra also showed up at the Lahore fixture of the series. He was the one who had designed the declaration of Islamabad in which it was claimed that Musharraf had promised no part of Pakistan would be used for terror activities against India. But that claim was short lived as by the very next year, India was accusing Pakistan of harbouring ill-intentions.

3. In 2005 Musharraf went to India to watch the Pakistani team play in India. Manmohan Singh also watched the match and they both issued a joint statement stating that the "peace process between the two was irreversible". However in 2007 with Musharraf's exit in place, Pakistan and India's future prospects of thrashing out issues appeared bleak at best.

4. In 2009 Gilani and Singh issued another joint statement from Sharm al Sheikh in Egypt pledging to restart the stalled process. However by now it had become apparent that after the 2008 Mumbai attacks, India's distrust of Pakistan was at its peak, and Manmohan Singh did not have the support to initiate in any meaningful dialogue to improve ties with Pakistan. The Wikileaks cables showed that.

A clearer picture will emerge after 28th March when the home secretaries' from both sides meet to try to negotiate about the resumption of talks. Till then, Manmohan Singh can only hope for the best till he meets the Pakistani leaders at Mohali.

Imran Khan you sneaky man

Every time I've said Imran Khan's not really what a politician should be, his supporters have bashed me quite hard. The last time I wrote about Imran Khan some of his stooges went so far as to degrade me and tell me I didn't know the first thing about him. They criticised me for failing to appreciate his magnanimity, awesomeness and brilliance. They told me he built Namal Model College. They also said that Khan was a fortuitous and upright man who valued his principles more than he valued power, fame and money. But they were all wrong. So very wrong.

Imran Khan: The man who changes colour like a chameleon

You see I had been advocating that Khan put his emotions aside when he's politicking. His followers told me he would never do that because that is what real politics is all about. Well if that indeed is the case, isn't Imran Khan the world's biggest hypocrite then? Well not the biggest because we have the likes of Rehman Malik, Asif Zardari, Nawaz Sharif, Yusuf Gilani who take the cake from Khan but you get the point. What in God's name was Imran Khan thinking when he decided to shun his perpetual hate of Altaf Hussain and called him and decided to let the world know that he appreciated Altaf "Bhai's" stand against the government and America?

If memory serves me correctly, and it does on this occasion, Imran Khan filed a case against Altaf Hussain in Pakistan. The court rejected the petition because Altaf Hussain is a British citizen. Imran Khan then wanted to go to Karachi to hold a rally against Altaf "Bhai" in Altaf Hussain's own home town. Some said it was a dangerous move. Others said it was stupid. But whatever it was, we never really found out because as it so happened the MQM banned Khan from entering the city.

Khan also went onto Geo TV's show Capital Talk hosted by another hypocrite (Hamid Mir) and left seething with rage when Babar Ghauri taunted him repeatedly for allegedly fathering an illegitimate child. That's when Imran Khan decided enough is enough: He would go to the UK and file a murder case against Altaf Hussain and file an extradition request with the British authorities. We never got to hear what became of that case.

Khan repeatedly claimed Altaf Hussain was responsible for the murders of more than 235 people and yet, he had no qualms about rubbing shoulders with him and shaking hands (figuratively for those of you who will point out and complain Khan and Hussain never met!) when it came to serve his agenda. Khan hates the Americans. And apparently, now so does Altaf Hussain. What better opportunity could there be than ride on the back of the urban party from Karachi which somehow always manages to gets its way? The lives of 235 people did not become a hurdle, nor did they prick Khan's conscience.

His fan followers also claim torrents about his honesty. Apparently he hasn't been honest with them either. But I suppose a person who claims that he will make sure Altaf Hussain ends up in jail and then clamours to support his agenda when it suits his own isn't what one would call honest in the first place.

The irony of this whole affair is that Imran Khan has finally managed to use his brain. Siding up with Altaf Hussain is nothing short of genius. But his supporters, well that's a different story altogether now. If they claim that what Khan did by siding with Altaf Hussain is correct and right, then they'll be the biggest two-timers on the face of the planet earth.

It is sad that Imran Khan had to ditch his honesty drama and principles façade; but maybe this is the only way he will be able to make an impact on the destiny of this sad nation. My only hope is that Imran Khan's wavering ways don't become a permanent feature of his politics.

President Zardari, please shut up

Asif Ali Zardari the self imposed ruler (read President) of Pakistan gave a joint address to both houses of the National Assembly today. With no one being tired of the political drama that continues to play havoc with millions of lives in Pakistan, it was no surprise then that the opposition parties decided to boycott the session. But I'll get to the lowlifes who constitute our opposition later. First, let me state my views on Mr Zardari's speech.

The shameless Zardari lying and telling half truths in
front of his wife's portrait.

Zardari claimed that when he and his stooges inherited the country, it was almost dead economically. I'm sorry, but wasn't bread selling for Rs 2 back then and what is it now? Oh yeah, Rs 6. He also claims record investment was made in the country (Mr President, your Swiss accounts and Pakistan are separate entities so please try to remember that when you're talking about money, money, money?). If "record investment" was indeed made in the country, then pray tell where is the result of all that? Exactly. He also claimed that education sector was given more funds. Now he has to be literally stupid in the brain to claim that. Why else would he say that? Pakistan is in an education emergency. The sooner these two timing scumbags realize that the better it will be for everyone. But of course some institutions and their masters are more important than others in this country.

He also portrayed the fact that thousands of contract employees were given permanent jobs. Now I know the only economics and finance his highness, the Black Lord of Gypsies, knows is restricted to the banking structures in Switzerland but even then, we assumed he had that bit of common sense left in him that ought to have told him that you don't legalize 20 people's jobs in a place where only 1 is needed. But like always, we were proved wrong. He also tried to get credit for the increase in daily wages of the common man. He sounds farcical does he not? But never mind. Let me put his out of context stated facts into some context. The minimum wage of Pakistan is Rs 7000. The inflation rate of Pakistan is somewhere around 20% realistically even though the government cooks up numbers and claims that is around 15.5%. It isn't. But even if this government claim was to be believed, imagine the devaluation and decrease in purchasing power that those people earning Rs 7000 a month are facing. In totality, their purchasing power is decreasing. The Rs 7000 of today are not even equal to Rs 4000 of 2008 when the incumbent came into power.

Zardari also paid tribute to Salman Taseer and Shahbaz Bhatti. He also claimed their deaths will not be in vain. Strange. Their deaths have already been in vain. The little ragtag group of utter imbeciles collectively known as the PPP made sure of that. They could not muster enough balls to prosecute the murderer of Salman Taseer. Rehman Malik, that bloody SoB claimed that Shahbaz Bhatti himself is responsible for his death. You see sane people like me can live with this jackassery; what we cannot live with is the fact that the the motives behind these murders weren't and will never be addressed. And let's face it. The PPP doesn't have the balls to confront the problems facing this country head on. Maybe they're scared they'll wet their diaper but either way, they're taking us down. They still haven't apprehended the killers of Benazir Bhutto and pragmatically speaking, they never will.

Which leads me on to the part of the speech by Asif Zardari where he stated that the killers of Benazir Bhutto will be brought to justice. My un-dear President, it is not the killers of Benazir Bhutto who deserve justice, it is your slain wife who's name you have exploited so dastardly who deserves justice. Zardari also claimed that:

Democracy is the best revenge…we condemn the murders of Salmaan Taseer and Shahbaz Bhatti. We will defeat the mindset that preaches violence and hatred. Being strong means denouncing what is wrong. 

No Mr Zardari. You are wrong. The definition of being strong changed the day you came into power; the day you ceded control to the generals; the day you effectively put the army in charge of this country. Being strong now means a) being a General in Pakistan or b) righting what is wrong at all costs.

I could go on but I've had enough of Zardari for a lifetime. He sucks. His lackeys and stooges suck. Bloody hypocritical animals. Donkeys have more sense than these senseless blood and money sucking leeches in charge of us. And as for the PML-N, PML-Q (Lota group), JUI and Jamaat-e-Islami, what can one say? They're as bad as Zardari. So all the words that I've said here against Zardari, they all apply equally (and in some cases, more) to the Nawabs of Punjab (Sharif brothers), the Lotas of the Punjab Assembly, Fazlur Rehman (who is a slur on the word Maulana) and the crazies of the Jamaat-e-Islami.

These are the people who are involved in point scoring at the cost of Pakistan. What purpose did their boycott serve except for boosting their own inflated giant ass egos? If they hate Zardari so much, why don't they bring a no-confidence motion against his hand picked Prime Minister and government? Why do these douchebags attend lavish dinners thrown at the Presidency? Why do they pretend to hate Zardari when he has in effect given them the rights to loot, plunder and engage in high corruption? They're all hypocrites. They don't love Pakistan. They love themselves and "our" money.

I've had enough. Later.

When the saviours become the nation's sellers

PM Gilani and his lackey Gen. Pasha. Or maybe it's the
other way round?

A few days ago I wrote a blog post about how the cost of two Pakistani lives was $2.3 million. I was wrong. That's the cost of the entire Pakistani nation.

Now you may begrudge for saying that but it is true. The back door deals that led to the release of Raymond Davis were managed by the ISI and the Pakistan army. Just one day after Davis' release, the Americans pound a local jirga and kill 41 people. That leads to the first public display of anger by the army chief over the whole sovereignty violations that occur with impunity from across the border. Maybe he wanted to give the impression he still cares about this country and its people after selling them off for $2.3 million?

But the really ironic part is this: The US government did not pay a dime for the release of Raymond Davis. Because we lesser mortals aren't privy to the internal workings of the government or the army, the most we can rely on is the news that is published in the Pakistani media. And according to that very media the Saudis paid off the families of the victims. Not Raymond Davis. And not the US government.

When Hillary Clinton was asked who paid the blood money for Davis' release, she had no idea. But apparently the Pakistani government is now supposed to pay the Saudis back for their "generosity". The Punjab government run by the Nawabs of Punjab (Sharif brothers) put up a hell of a show portraying themselves as anti Americans; they went so far as to claim that they would never let Raymond Davis go. But in the end it was Nawaz Sharif himself who did the Americans' bidding and got Raymond Davis off the hook. His prosecutor general failed to get Davis convicted; and we all know how the Sharifs love to rub their backs with the army generals.

Maybe that is the reason why General Pasha's extension notification wasn't issued immediately. He got chummy with the CIA, he solved his agency's problems with the Americans and voila, Saudis end up paying the blood money, the ISI rocks on, the CIA resumes droning over Pakistan and the Pakistani nation ends up being sold.

People often ask me why I'm so anti army. Fact of the matter is that I'm not anti army. I just have a lot issues with the scumbags who are in control of the army and consequently who are in effective control of the country. The politicians are just a front to legalize their notorious activities. For example, who does the army think it is when it declares it monitors other departments' budgets? They take a huge chunk out of the revenue that this country generates painstakingly. They don't have the guts to shoot down drones yet they clamour as if hell has frozen over when they kill people. They can't stop terrorists from striking every two days. I wonder where they spent the Rs 620 billion that they took last year?

We will never know why the heirs of the victims suddenly accepted the blood money. They just vanished. If news reports are to be believed they have been secretly flown to Dubai. And if they are to be believed further than the ISI and the Punjab government executed the deal. Where is the promised revolution people? Where have all those zealots disappeared who proclaimed they will take to the streets if justice is not done?

Like I said once before, there is nothing that can be done and no one who cares. We were sold but so what? After all, we are America's very own private whore, are we not?

Price of two Pakistani lives? $2.3 million

Raymond Davis: The killer who walked. 

So what was expected finally happened. Raymond Davis, the man who killed two Pakistanis, walked. Should I be surprised? Should I be angry? Should I sigh? Should I even care?

All along we knew in our hearts (even though we pretended otherwise) that the killer of two Pakistanis will walk because he was an American. Why did we pretend that the government won't let go? That they will care about what the Pakistani nation thinks? It was because there was a faint glimmer of hope in our hearts that made us think that maybe, just maybe, the rulers will finally listen to the ruled; that they will finally stand up to those who dictate our destiny.

But in the words of a friend "...servants have the right to react...paid whores don't." And he is right isn't he? The price of two pakistani lives came down to a mere $2.3 million. Apparently those people who claim money can't buy everything live under a rock. As it so happens everything in the world has a price. Everything and everyone can be bought.

There is such a massive disconnect between our rulers and the masses. Just listen to what Angelina Jolie had to say when she visited Pakistan in the aftermath of the floods; that there are people and children who don't have a pair of shoes to wear in the heat while the government throws around lavish feasts and showers her with gifts.

The foreign policy, the interior policy, the fiscal policy is all mismanaged. But not only that, the managers in charge of the running of this country aren't qualified or capable enough to do so. The Rs 2 billion that this government prints everyday is only because it doesn't want to cut down on its expenses or its lavishness. It is too easy to print money and pay off their expenses. Meanwhile the common man is buried deeper and deeper under inflation.

Everyday someone hangs himself, someone commits suicide; someone poisons his kids and someone sets himself on fire; but its all in vain because as the poll on your right will indicate, a revolution won't come to Pakistan. The anti-climax after Raymond Davis' freedom proves that. The wife of Faizan committed suicide in vain; this government couldn't respect her wishes.

Am I a proud Pakistani today? Am I a better Pakistani today because we let Raymond Davis go free? No. I'm not proud and I'm not better. There isn't anything to be proud of. Today, by allowing Raymond Davis go free, the army, the judiciary and the government told us something. We're not America's servants anymore. We're its very own private whore.

Shocking facts about Pakistani income taxpayers

Sad but true. The rich get richer, the poor poorer. And
ironically, the poor get to pay the most.

Shocking revelations keep occurring in the Pakistani press. For example today it has been revealed that out of a population of almost 17 – 18 crore (170 – 180 million) people in Pakistan, only 17 lakhs (1.7 million) are registered income tax payers. Surprising?

But it goes deeper than this. According to the report published in the daily Dawn today, it has been alleged by the FBR (Federal Board of Revenue) that 16 lakhs (1.6 million) of the registered 17 lakhs (1.7 million) people pay only Rs 21000 as annual income tax. Why do they pay so less you may ask? Well that would be because they earn less than Rs 500,000 a year. Now let’s put all of this into context shall we?

Fact 1:

Pakistan’s total population – 170 million to 180 million (approx.)

Fact 2:

Pakistan’s registered income tax payers – 1.7 million

Fact 3:

Pakistan’s income tax payers paying Rs 21000 as annual income tax – 1.6 million

Fact 4:

The highest amount of income tax paid last year (2010) was Rs 50 lakhs (5 million)

In light of these facts, we can make some startling conclusions. To begin with, are only 1.7 million people out of 180 million earning any income in Pakistan? Seriously? Next, why is it that just 0.1 million or 1 lakh people in Pakistan earn more than Rs 500,000 in a year? That is just...mind numbing.

The Rs 50 lakhs, that the highest income earners paid is less than what it costs to buy a Land Cruiser. In fact, it is 1 crore less and there are only 526 people who declared that their tax amounts up to Rs 50 lakhs and who actually paid that amount. Astonishing isn’t it?

What am I supposed to say in front of these facts and figures? Words simply fail to register the magnitude of the disastrous state of our economy. Do I blame Zardari and Nawaz Sharif? Do I blame the government or the army? Or do I blame myself and the Pakistani population for being so selfish and self centred?

The 1.6 million people out of the 1.7 million who pay taxes contributed only Rs 87.662 billion to the national exchequer. These 1.6 million people belong to the lowest bracket of income tax payers. On the other hand, the top bracket of the income tax payers contributed Rs 286.023 billion to the national exchequer. Ironically, the collection of income tax from only the top 1706 taxpayers resulted in such a huge amount of money.

It is no wonder that the world governments, financial institutions, NGOs and what not keep repeating the mantra of Pakistan needs to help itself. The irony is that the Pakistani people don’t want to help themselves; apparently they can help themselves quite easily, and then lead a very good life too but somehow paying taxes has never been the strong point of the Pakistani culture.

These stats and figures paint such a dreary picture of our state of affairs that it has left me shell shocked and unable to fully comprehend the magnitude of the damage that we as a nation have been inflicting on ourselves. Where will we go from here? What will we do next? Has our collective conscience truly deserted us or is this simply a phase?

Sadly, we don’t have any answers to any of the questions that anyone might have. We’re just products of denial. And we’re damn good at it.

The education emergency

Education Emergency Pakistan

I've written about the state of affairs of the Pakistani education system before. I've also talked about how and why the government refuses to spend income on educating the masses. Consider my surprise then that when I stumble upon the website Educationemergency.com.pk, I find out that there are 26 countries in the world who are poorer than Pakistan and yet they spend more money on educating their children. Well ladies and gents (Zardari and co.) there goes your sublime myth of telling the world you don't have money. And just for the record, shame on you too!

Now when you goto that beautifully made website called March for Education (Pakistan), you will find out that there are 25 million children in Pakistan who are part of this education emergency. And what exactly is this emergency anyway?

Well the answer to that question is fairly simple. Pakistan has seen a steady and constant decline in its spending on the education sector. Consider this: There are at least 7 million children who are not in primary school. This number (7 million) is equal to the entire population of Lahore. 3 million of these children will never see the inside of a classroom.

Consider also a city the size of Faisalabad full of children. Imagine that not a single child from that sprawling metropolis will attend school and grow up to support himself or his parents as he dreams or imagines.

Under the 18th Amendment which was passed with much fanfare and jubilation, education is a fundamental right of all Pakistanis and the state pledges to educate all children up to the age of 16 years. But how does it intend to do that? According to the report issued by the Pakistan Education Task Force Pakistan is a signatory of the Millennium Development Goal for education which promises that by 2015:

...children everywhere, boys and girls alike, will be able to complete a full course of primary schooling and that girls and boys will have equal access to all levels of education.

But the problem is, and there always is a problem with Pakistan, the achievement of the MDG is now impossible. Out of every 10 children who're not is school, Pakistan is host to one of them. The real trouble is that if all the primary school children were to complete their education, they would have had to start their schooling latest by 2009. That did not materialize in Pakistan.

But there's more. At the current rate of educational progress, Punjab will provide primary education to its children by 2041, Sindh by 2049, Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa by 2064 and Balochistan by 2100. A staggering order because by the years mentioned, scores of new children who require primary schooling will have been added to the population.

There are 30% of Pakistanis who are living in extreme educational poverty which means that they do not access to any kind of education due to lack of resources. So where does the government stand on this?

It stands as far as possible from this crisis. In fact Mr Javed Laghari, the supremely famous Chairman of the HECP (Higher Education Commission of Pakistan) who gained notoriety for verifying that several of our lawmakers are in fact frauds, cheats and outright bastards, suggested that Pakistan is a success story in terms of educational achievement. Quite surprising really given that the UN says we're suffering from educational poverty. Or just maybe, the UN is a Hindu-Jewish-Zionist conspiracy against the Muslims of Pakistan?

It is high time we stopped living in denial. And only God knows how many times I've said this line. But the crux of stating all of this is simple; Pakistan is sinking and there's no one to save it. We can't jump ship unlike the cheats and scoundrels ruling over us. The only thing we can do is to make our voices heard.

Head over to Educationemergency.com.pk and sign the petition demanding that the government increase spending on the education sector. Spending just 1.5% of the GDP on education is truly tragic. And Mr Javed Laghari, you ought to shut up because suggesting Pakistan is a rising star in the education department whilst sitting in a country (Hong Kong) which spends 25% of its GDP on education is downright degrading and insulting.

Musharraf minces no words

After a long time, Pervez Musharraf has had a flash. A brilliant flash. He literally - literally - hammered this Indian journalist dude right on the head. Maybe he could do the same to Kamran Khan and Hamid Mir probably? Please?

Seeing Musharraf take on the media in such a strong fashion makes me wonder what in God's name was the PPP thinking of letting him leave Pakistan? They should've made him their foreign minister. He would've been so much better than that self declared 'Pir' Shah Mehmood Qureshi.

But even now, why isn't the PPP backing off? If it had any bit of patriotism (notice patriotism here means hatred for India), it should let Pervez Musharraf come back and lambast the Indians into smithereens with his awesome, macho talks. In fact, he should be hired as a motivational speaker for the Pakistan cricket team. That way, Pakistan will win the match without even having to play against their counterparts from across the border! And to be honest, watching Umar Gul and Sreesanth yell it out in the middle of the pitch is going to be much more entertaining than watching Sachin Tendulkar bat like the greatest batsman ever.

But Musharraf is more than mere words. You see anything, ANYTHING at all, even a donkey dry humping a buffalo for that matter, is going to be better than Rehman Malik, Babar Awan, Firdaus Ashiq Awan, Latif Khosa, Yusuf Raza Gilani etc. But Musharraf is a human. Now I know he did very terrible things in the land of the pure but he is - and the conviction in my heart cannot be stronger - better than the PPP. Of course choosing him is like choosing bad over the worse but that is indeed quite relevant and true.

Savour the old general's spicy remarks putting the Indian anchor in place. After all, that is the Pakistani nation's favourite time pass isn't it? Watching the Indians being bashed.

NOTE: This piece in no way means I hate India. It is sarcastic. So peace. And if you don't want peace, then go to your mom's house. I'm sure she'll give you cereal and that'll put a smile on your face. Bye bye now.

Forgetting the murdered, are we?

Murdered once. And then forgotten forever.

6 months ago (time flies doesn't it?), two brothers were brutally murdered. They were beaten and thrashed, and they were not given any breathing space for more than 4 hours. Then, the little one died. The older brother kept fending off the clubs and the kicks and the bricks. But for how long could he have continued to sustain the onslaught? For how long could he have borne what possibly cannot be borne? And so finally, the inevitable happened. The older brother also departed this world for a place that I hope with all my heart is better than this one.

If you don't know who I am talking about then you're not alone. 6 months have passed and in Pakistan, 6 months can mean 6 different governments. But it does get across the point that I have made previously: We will forget who the boys were and why they were murdered.

The two boys in question are Mughees and Muneeb Butt, residents of Sialkot and God-willing, residents of heaven now. They left this world staring hate, bigotry and vigilantism in the face. They cringed and they cried, but nobody listened. As if to show just how brutal and vicious we as a society are, their dead bodies were hung upside down in the city square, and afterwards they were paraded around in the back of a tractor trolley with a police escort.

Yes all that happened. This gory and truly tragic incident took place in Ramadan, when they say that Satan is locked away by the angels. Apparently, Satan has found many accomplices to take his place when he is locked away. At that time the media went into overdrive, the blogosphere meant mad; everybody cribbed and cringed, everybody made sure that their views were heard. Condemnations came pouring in but as always happens in Pakistan, we forgot all about it.

The police DPO (District Police Officer) in who's presence the boys were murdered and who allegedly told the raging crowd to murder the boys was suspended. His accomplices were also barred from duty pending an inquiry. The inquiry found out that the police were party to murder; accessory to murder in official jargon. But what happened then? The prime accused was never arrested and to date he has not attended a single court hearing. Some "independent judiciary" we've got.

The parents of the murdered boys did all what was possible. And what is indeed possible when your sons have been brutally murdered in Pakistan? They wrote to the Chief Minister, that third class piece of sh** Shahbaz Sharif who summoned them to meet him. He promised them justice. Well, there has been no justice even after 6 months with all the accused having been identified.

Why are we so afraid to prosecute the murderers and killers? As if obvious, Waqar Chauhan the DPO at the time of the incident still remains at large. I wonder how he sleeps at night knowing what he has done and what he let happen. I wonder if he wonders about what God will do to him? Then there was Mumtaz Qadri. Another murderer who instead of being prosecuted was garlanded and labelled a hero. And finally there is Raymond Davis, another killer. But in the case of Davis, the whole of Pakistan is ready to play the role of the judge, jury and the prosecutor. Because he is an American? Why aren't we proud of him for murdering petty thieves and making this country a better place for us to live in?

But let's not get into that. What about justice for Mughees and Muneeb Butt? What about the justice that their mother and father await? What about the pain and sorrow that they must feel knowing that they lost two sons in one go, but more importantly, HOW they lost them? Where are all the right-wing Mullahs with their Fatwas? Why don't they declare Waqar Chauhan an apostate who should be killed for bringing disrepute to Islam and that too in the holy month of Ramadan? Where is the state which goes into overdrive every time the word Swiss is mentioned? Why this hypocrisy?

We're back from where we started. And that is nowhere. And this is precisely one of those countless many reasons that has led many of us to abandon ourselves. May Allah have some mercy on us. Amen.

Nobody cares

I love blogging. As a matter of fact, I love blogging so much I spend almost half the time of my total online time on my blog. But of late, I haven't blogged so much. This has led to falling numbers of people visiting this blog. In fact, if you were to click the drop down menu of archives (on your right), you will see that the number of blog posts that I have been posting to The True Perspective have steadily been dropping per month.

Right now, I was looking at the stats figures for this blog and once again, the overall trend of number of pageviews has been on the decline. So what's the solution to all of this? Well naturally it is to update this blog more frequently, with better quality posts. But that right there is the problem.

Now I know there is so much to write about - even if I were to leave the world alone - but somehow I don't want to write about the depressing, regressive stuff anymore. The Raymond Davis issue stirred the pot, the politicians cringed and cribbed and talked about ministries and power slots as if they were flavours of ice creams, but the world moved on. Accidents happened, the Pakistan Railways ran out of diesel supplies, PIA crashed (the organisation, not any plane that they operate) but nobody cared.

Instigative and inflammatory articles by "respected" columnists appeared in national Urdu newspapers, Nawa-i-Waqt tried to cash in on the blasphemy fever too by proclaiming that the Imam of Masjid Muhabbat Khan in Peshawer was justified in placing a bounty of Rs. 500,000 on the head Aasia Bibi (the blasphemy accused who has been sentenced to death) but more importantly, nobody cared.

In Lahore the booze parties continued unabated, in Islamabad the rage of the town was the Facebook group called "Scandalous Islamabad" with their corny tagline "You know you love us - XOXO", in Karachi guys rocked with the gals in underground parties but still the world moved on, because as you know, nobody cared.

Marvi Memon went mad tweeting about how she experienced a day in jail where she was made to feel like a queen, Zardari pretended to be sad about the split with the PML-N, the PPP ministers in the Punjab pretended that they were important too, but you know they were snubbed by their own governor. Some party they've got going on, but once again, nobody cared.

Express Tribune's new banner for op-ed blogs.

The conspiracy theorists made a comeback with Zaid Hamid featuring prominently and loudly on Dunya TV, the Express Tribune tried to piss them off some more by designing this single eye banner, the fashion designer who wants to inspire the Muslim youth of this country (Maria B.) launched a new clothes line but once again, nobody cared.

And that is the problem. No one cares. No one wants to care. Everyone has given up on caring. But they all want a revolution; but fellas, here's the thing, nobody cares. Some of them want a return of the Caliphate, others want the army to mount a coup. And there are those that want the army to mount a coup so that the Caliphate can be established. All of you don't care because you're only as good and near to mounting a coup as Facebook or Twitter will allow you fakesters.

As the world (Middle East) breaks from the shackles of bondage, depravity, lack of equality, opportunities and education, we, the glorious Muslims of the world, the mandated ones to rid the world of evil sit in our slumber because, yeah you guessed it absolutely correctly, nobody cares.

What can you do with $ 70 billion?

I've decided in principle to take this blog back to its roots. What does that mean? It means that this blog will be a sanctuary for my brain's unwinding thought process. Yeah I know that doesn't make sense so let's just move on.

I've just found out that the man who goes by the name of Hosni Mubarak (the former President of Egypt for those of you who didn't know), is now being touted as the richest man in the world. According to Passport - a blog by the editors of the website ForeignPolicy.com - he may have stashed away as much as an astonishing $ 70 billion. Now that's just... what's the word I'm looking for here? Oh yeah, jaw dropping. Literally.

He had hidden his wealth well, in offshore accounts and investments in real estate and hotels. And the most famous place in the world for hiding ill-gotten wealth - the Swiss banks. But Hosni Mubarak was a corrupt man and he's well far, far away in Egypt. But let's take a look closer to home then, shall we? Yes. The man who sits atop the throne in Islamabad and who answers to the nickname of 'Mr 10 percent' is also known to be very corrupt, and very rich. He has mansions in Karachi, Lahore and Islamabad, as well as Dubai, UK, Spain, France (who knows but maybe Germany too?) and the USA. One can wonder then how much money he must have made? Obviously not anywhere near the $ 70 billion thunderbolt that surely must have dropped on the Egyptians, but it has to be in the billions of dollars. After all, a chateau in the south of France alone must cost many million dollars considering it's got its own private helipad. Last I checked, one of the stars for 7 star hotels is awarded because they have helicopter landing facilities. But that's not the point here.

The point is that the Swiss government has very recently announced and enacted a law that allows foreign governments to reclaim the monies that have been stashed away illegally in Swiss banks by corrupt politicians and dubious and shady dictators. If that is true, and according to the Swiss government it very much is, then I see no reason why the government of Pakistan should not initiate proceedings to checkout from where our (un)dear President has made the many dollars that he so graciously spends on his self? After all, being at the highest echelon of the Pakistan leadership hierarchy, he should have absolutely no qualms about making his assets and the sources for their funding public don't you think? And while we're at it, why single out Asif Zardari alone? Why not ask Nawaz Sharif to show the shame that he does not have and declare his assets as well? Last I heard, he had stated he has assets worth 1 crore and 70 something lac rupees. I'm sorry, but the Mercedes Benz S-Class he drives around in for fun alone costs more than 2.5 crore rupees. Tax evasion and that too from the self declared self righteous baboon of all self righteous hypocrites?

But once again I digress from the topic at hand. It is 0028 hours presently and all I can think about is what in God's name can one possibly do with $ 70 billion? And then there is the question of if the money even matters? Look at Hosni Mubarak, and look at Nawaz Sharif and Zardari. They are all hated and reviled even though they are billionaires. The only lot attracted to them are the leeches who would like to suck off all their money and feed of it. The love and attention that would have merited a stature for them is never forth coming. The reason is simple: They forget that they promised to be of the people, by the people, for the people. Instead, they got greedy and siphoned off huge amounts of public money into their very private pockets very away from the people.

And sadly, that's a deal breaker.

Who is responsible?

Much has been made of the killings in Lahore by Raymond Davis. People protested, others cringed, some didn’t care, and yet others did not even know an American had murdered two Pakistanis. Sounds strange doesn’t it? An American killed two Pakistanis in Pakistan. Usually, we’re more inclined towards hearing the reverse of this like a Pakistani tries to blow himself up in New York, or a Pakistani runs over an Irish dog in Little Minnesota. You get the idea. The tragic irony of this whole affair is that even though Raymond Davis shot and killed two Pakistanis, two lives which were not shot at have also been claimed by this incident. The first life of course was the man who was on a bike and happened to come in front of the Land Cruiser which was being driven by members of the American Consulate in Lahore, and which the Americans insist does not exist. The other life is the wife of Faheem (one of the murdered boys), who committed suicide after declaring she does not believe in this justice system, nor this government to get her justice.

But you know what’s more shocking? The total aloofness that the Punjab government has shown towards this incident. Kudos to them for at least showing to the world that they know Faheem’s wife has committed suicide. The federal government in its infinite wisdom has decided to keep its twat shut. Probably because it fears reprisals of some sort? No one knows for sure. But getting back to the Punjab government. Rana Sanaullah stated that if Faheem’s wife had such an issue with the justice system, she should’ve come to the Punjab government for help. Well excuse me, but why should SHE have come to YOU, when it is YOUR goddamn RESPONSIBILITY to ensure justice is provided to her in the first place? That all her concerns are addressed by you? What sort of a barbarian are you Rana Sanaullah that you absolve yourself of blame?

People often talk about how this death could spark a revolution in Pakistan, much like the self immolation of the fruit vendor in Tunisia. But it won’t. You see the Tunisians were genuinely concerned about their plight. We on the other hand have accepted ours. We aren’t ready to change the status quo because that would mean moving our lazy butts and that’s just too tiring and too difficult.

We demand justice, but we aren’t willing to fight for it. Tomorrow if Raymond Davis is handed back to the United States, none of us will really give a damn. Sure there will be a couple of protests, a lot of tweets, and lots of blogs over the injustice but at the end of the day when the dust will settle, we will be back at where we started. Truth be told, we wouldn’t even have moved from our place. The only solace is knowing the fact that Pakistan seems to be united in wanting justice this time around. What the Vienna Convention demands might be immunity, but the US has social and moral responsibility to see that justice is provided to the victims. And if it doesn’t do that, then the Government of Pakistan ought to realize that it has 180 million people on its back. The US might have cut of bilateral relations, but it does realize it will never be able to survive without Pakistan’s support in FATA and that has to be bargaining chip in this whole mess.

Justice needs to be served. Raymond Davis killed two Pakistanis who have thus far been proven innocent. Raymond Davis also indirectly murdered two other totally innocent lives. He needs to pay for his crimes and his sins. He needs to be told that Pakistan is an independent country with independent people and people like him are not welcome in the Motherland. He needs to be told that he will spend a very long time in the Pakistani prison system or alternatively, will be hung to death. If however he is proven innocent by the courts, then he is free to go wherever he wants. But if the government tries to extradite him “under diplomatic immunity” (read American pressure), it would be nothing more than a sack full of garbage heap. Which it already is.

If the Tunisians and Egyptians can do it, why can’t we?

They want Hosni Mubarak to go. What do we want?
(Photo: Bbc.co.uk) 

Tunisian former President Ben Ali and his wife.
(Photo: Bbc.co.uk)

Well the answer to that question is fairly simple. How shall I put this delicately...? Oh yeah, we’re LAZY. It is too much trouble to get out of bed and walk out onto the streets screaming for something that is out divine right. Good governance, justice, end to corruption, enforcement of rules and laws etc. Maybe that is because it gets too hot and humid in Pakistan and that’s a big turn off factor? But then, the lawyers’ march took place in March and that is relatively hot in Pakistan. So are we onto something here? We’re not.

The simple fact of the matter is that the Egyptians and Tunisians wanted change, and they wanted it so bad they were willing to die for it. Pakistanis? Our nature is inherently one which wants other people to die for us. So naturally when everyone is waiting for the other person to take a bullet for them, the whole point of a revolution becomes, well, pointless.

It’s not as if the Egyptians or the Tunisians were facing financial difficulties or anything. Egypt is one of the largest recipients of American aid after Israel. Tunisia makes its money on tourism and oil. Egypt has a booming tourist economy and the River Nile which has sustained the Egyptians for more than 5000 years. It’s not as if corruption was as high as Pakistan. It’s not as if the Tunisian businesses were ripping off consumers every day. It’s not as if people in Egypt were dying of car crashes because of poor build quality. None of that. In fact BMW actually sells “Made in Egypt” 7 series motor cars to Egyptian consumers. So it wasn’t as if Egypt or Tunisia were going down the drain like Pakistan.

The Egyptians and Tunisians had had enough of the dogmatism that had come to plague their lives. We on the other hand are so accustomed to these phenomenons that we’ve accepted them as integral parts of our daily routines. Without corruption our world would come crashing down. Without nepotism and jobbery, the unemployment levels would sky rocket. Without paying bribes, the bureaucratic structure of Pakistan would collapse. And without the sages of darkness lording over us, the wealth of Pakistan would become obscure.

So why can’t we do what the Egyptians and Tunisians have done? Because we don’t care. Because we’re stuck in a rut and we’ve refused to do anything for ourselves. It is so much more easier to spend the day cursing the corrupt band of politicians, generals, bureaucrats and businessmen, than to take up a bamboo stick and march down the road screaming for change. For change you need to have the will to face the wrath of those in power. None of us have that. If we had even a tiny bit of that self respect that revolutions demand, these mongrels of darkness who pretend to be kings of Pakistan would never step out of their houses because no one would allow their motorcades to pass through roads that are closed specifically for them. But we lack that; the Egyptians and the Tunisians don’t.

It took just one suicide, and act of self-immolation in Tunisia to bring about a revolution in just 28 days. Thousands commit suicides in Pakistan every week. Every other day people self immolate themselves in front of press clubs and houses of power. But has that brought about a revolution in Pakistan? Look around. You’ll find the answer. 18 women died in a stampede in Karachi trying to buy sugar last year and what did Fauzia Wahab have to say? That people should consume less sugar. It took just one protest demonstration in Egypt against extra judicial killing to jolt the people out of their shells. In Pakistan extra judicial killers are celebrated. The very famous case of Salman Taseer (late) v. Mumtaz Hussain Qadri comes to mind.

We are a nation lacking in the characteristics required to bring about a revolution; which is quite surprising really, because we were born out of one. 

Altaf Hussain’s OCD

The man who runs Karachi from London. (Photo:
Tribune.com.pk)

Altaf Hussain seems to have lost his marbles. His inane demands have left many normal, rational and sane people scratching their heads. Of course people other than the MQM workers hardly take him seriously (except when they’ve got MQM licensed guns to their heads) but that hasn’t quite been a stumbling block for him. He has stated in his arrogant, brash and frankly comical manner that he will save the country; that he will save the people; that he will change the destiny of Pakistan. Just one question though, when will he save him from himself?

It all started long ago when Altaf Hussain fled Pakistan and became a citizen of the United Kingdom (bless that country for being a mini, posh, upscale version of Pakistan). Since then, he hasn’t dared to show his face in Pakistani public again and the best we get to see of him – no wait. We only get to hear him over the telephone’s loud speaker – is when he decides that the people of Pakistan (MQM members) are starting to forget him. So he puts on his nutjob accent and addresses the people as if they give a rat’s ass about his views.

Of late Altaf Hussain seems to have developed an OCD (obsessive, compulsive disorder) condition that forces him to visualise himself being assassinated at the hands of the CIA or the ISI. Well God help us all. Then apparently, to please the masters that be in Pakistan, he claims that martial law is the only way out of the quagmire that we find ourselves in. Well lucky for him he’s not a Pakistani citizen, otherwise some overzealous lawyer would have filed a high treason case against him. Come to think of it though, I doubt that would have happened given MQM’s legendary intolerance for everything to do with its British leader.

Not only is Altaf Hussain’s demand for martial law insane, it is also oblivious of ground realities. I doubt the people of Pakistan will allow another dictator to steer the ocean liner called Pakistan. The most concession that they will allow is a midterm election, and frankly the MQM’s chances of winning any seats out of Karachi and Hyderabad look slim. Of course that hasn’t stopped the MQM godfather from procrastinating and berating the current PPP government. Ironically, he and his stooges are allies of the battered and bruised PPP government. Surprising really.

MQM appeared to be a progressive party which was genuinely interested in representing the masses’ views when Musharraf was in power and it had a free reign of Karachi. The transformation of Karachi in itself was a remarkable achievement. But ever since Altaf Hussain got that OCD condition, he has started to live more in a fantasy rather than taking decisions based on the prevalent realities. His call for revolution was, well, unorthodox given the circumstances. But what really made the call for revolution sound ludicrous was his appeal to the army and the judiciary to help Pakistan and its people by hijacking the country. Apparently, the Pakistani constitution means little more than pieces of paper sewn together.

The change that Altaf Hussain desires for the Pakistani nation should come from the people of Pakistan, not from the army or the judiciary which are in fact subservient to the people of Pakistan. Altaf Hussain should realize that the biggest asset in Pakistan is the Pakistani nation, not the army which he implores to take over the government or the judiciary which he wants to support the extra constitutional steps taken by the army. Maybe then the ‘revolution’ he keeps chugging on about will actually materialise.