The radicalization of the Indian masses

Indian public burns a Pakistani flag

On February 26, 2019 when India crossed the international border and dropped bombs on a hilltop inside Pakistan, a fundamental shift in how Pakistan India relations work took place. Gone was the status quo of restraint and diplomatic threats that India fomented against Pakistan in the aftermath of every unsavoury incident that took place in India. Suddenly, it was replaced with the idea that India could not only teach Pakistan a lesson but that it could do so brazenly, and without threat of reprisal. Clearly, India assumed its social capital in the international comity was established enough to allow it to pull off the kind of daring raids that say, the USA, might be able to pull off. There was only one problem — Indian aggression is a matter of ego and existentialism in Pakistan. The Pakistani military for 70 years has existed to neuter this threat from India. If it does not react or respond to Indian acts of aggression, then why do we even have it?

So on February 27, 2019 Major General Asif Ghafoor got in front of a podium and told India it was time for Pakistan to give it a surprise. On February 28, 2019, in broad daylight, Pakistani warplanes intruded into Indian airspace, identified six targets and dropped bombs around them. The message was clear: we might not have the courage to take on a US invasion, but an Indian invasion would be met with the full might of the Pakistani military.

Analysts from both sides of the border and across the world will dissect the war cries, doctrines, nuclear thresholds, risk appetites and risk capacities aplenty in the aftermath of this escalation. Already we’re seeing them tell us what Modi thinks, what India wants, where Pakistan went wrong, what the next move from both sides will be. But I’m not interested in any of that. Because all of that fails to take into account the most shocking revelation that has come to light during this unfortunate saga: The extreme jingoism teetering on abject fascism across the Indian diaspora.

I have tried finding a reason for it, but I’ve merely ended up scratching my head. Who knew that Indians have this much hatred for Pakistanis? That normal, middle class Indians are willing to impose collective punishment on the people of Pakistan in the form of a doom and gloom war? That they are willing to let their armed forces butcher Pakistanis for the sake of teaching the state of Pakistan a lesson?

For the longest time I believed that the people of India and Pakistan were largely the same; suffering from the same economic corruption, injustice, inequality, vice, ethnic nationalism and social dogma. I believed that due to a shared history, language and culture, the people of India and Pakistan were sympathetic to each other’s plight. They both wanted normalization in relations between the two countries and that it was the governments and establishments of the two countries that fomented this hysteria on either side of the border. The past ten days have proved me wrong.

You see, if India had decided to pursue the dogged but ultimately unsexy route of pressurizing and isolating Pakistan internationally, people like myself would be further emboldened to hold our government accountable today. Why does the state of Pakistan, after all, not arrest Masood Azhar and Hafiz Saeed? But with Modi’s blood baying, the Indian media’s fascistic approach to win the ratings war and the Indian populace’s extreme jingoism, what’s ended up happening instead is that people like myself have started to reconsider the existential threat India poses for Pakistan. Suddenly, it’s not so much why does the Pakistani establishment tolerate these snakes, but more how do we defend ourselves against this Indian onslaught. Because an onslaught it has been, and one that refuses to subside.

Despite Imran Khan’s unilateral goodwill gesture to release the captured pilot Abhinandan Varthaman, Modi has refused to deescalate. Their media has spun every humiliation suffered by India into a win. Their people have been radicalized beyond measure. Egged on by a hysterical media beating war drums, a populace that will not back down until it has spilled blood, and an establishment that thinks teaching Pakistan is the only solution to save face from the crushing humiliation of losing two fighter jets and a pilot, Modi is looking to teach Pakistan even more lessons.

But see, none of that would be shocking on its own accord. Modi is not a pacifist. He is known as the Butcher of Gujarat after all. What is shocking is the vitriol and hatred that has been on display since February 14, 2019. While Pakistanis make memes, Indians make prophetic death threats. While Pakistanis turn Adnan Sami into a caricature, Indians resort to the worst kind of trolling imaginable. The sense of camaraderie that I, perhaps mistakenly, felt with my Indian compatriots is now gone. It is now Pakistan versus them, and when it’s come to this, how can I choose them?

This has been a heartbreaking episode. Not because India and Pakistan have almost gone to war; not because Kashmir is on fire and we’re completely choosing to ignore the Kashmiri plight for our own selfish reasons again; not because mothers have lost sons because a tiny man with a large ego took oath as the prime minister of India. All those reasons make this a rage inducing interlude.

It has been heartbreaking because I’ve finally realized, that we’re not the same as them.

In defense of Nawaz Sharif

Nawaz Sharif

And once again I must brace myself, for the torrent of “you love Nawaz Sharif” trolls is forthcoming. But that’s OK, because sometimes objectivity and truth is more important than reality denying denizens attacking your integrity. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let us talk about Nawaz Sharif.

Two days ago, an interview which Nawaz Sharif gave to Cyril Almeida of Dawn was published in which Sharif claimed:

“…we have isolated ourselves. Despite giving sacrifices, our narrative is not being accepted. Afghanistan’s narrative is being accepted, but ours is not. We must look into it. Militant organizations are active. Call them non-state actors, should we allow them to cross the border and kill 150 people in Mumbai? Explain it to me. Why can’t we complete the trial?”

This statement of his, particularly his allusion to the fact that non-state militant organizations active on Pakistani soil were used to kill people in the Mumbai attack has caused the military establishment and its social media mongering masses’ libido to go into overdrive. Some choice comments from social media following the publishing of Nawaz Sharif’s interview present the following narrative: Nawaz Sharif is a traitor! Look how he defames Pakistan! He is an Indian agent! He has been placed in Pakistan for Indian interests!

The outlandishness of these claims is only exceeded by the outlandishness of the well read, well connected, well educated masses, who have ample access to fact checking resources, yet still choose to not only believe in such nonsense, but revel in spouting it off. When it is the educated people who hawk such nonsense, it is an indicator that any debate on merit and value is effectively dead in Pakistan. Nawaz Sharif is a traitor because he is a traitor, ergo anything he will say and do is because he is a traitor.

Just the other day I was having a discussion with a friend and I told him the genius of the military establishment is not that they can meddle and muck with the civilian government; it is that they have made the general public believe that it is not only acceptable, but it is actually for the greater good. Spoiler alert: we’ve seen this film before, and the greater good is a pound of horseshit that never hits home. Nawaz Sharif being removed from the post of the premiership on the flimsiest of excuses, the censorship imposed on him, the humiliation he is being subjected to (re: not being given an extension to visit his cancer-stricken wife), is not only acceptable, it is actually preferable because it is “for the greater good.”

Tomorrow (May 14, 2018), the military has called for a meeting of the National Security Council “…to discuss recent misleading media statement regarding the Bombay [sic] incident.” No doubt, the Supreme Ruler of Pakistan, General Qamar Javed Bajwa will tell his puppet Shahid Khaqan Abbasi, the Prime Minister of Pakistan, to put the out of control madman Nawaz Sharif on a leash. In what universe does any of this make sense, or sound appropriate?

But let’s back up for a moment. In 2009 Rehman Malik held a national presser in which he proclaimed:

“Some part of the conspiracy has taken place in Pakistan. We have lodged an FIR into the case.”

He then went on to say that the “attackers left from Karachi on a boat hired from Balochistan” and that, “an e-mail claiming responsibility for the attack was sent by Zarrar Shah of the Lashkar-e-Taiba.” All this was admitted by the Interior Minister of Pakistan … in 2009.

In 2016 Rehman Malik further said (in response to David Headley’s testimony):

“We have the details about who paid tickets, who funded him and how he recruited non-state actors from Pakistan [for the attacks].”

But that’s Rehman Malik. He too is a traitor in the mould of Nawaz Sharif. Why should we listen to him?

OK then. Here’s General (R) Mahmud Durrani, the National Security Advisor describing the 26/11 Mumbai attack in his own words:

“I hate to admit that the 26/11 Mumbai attack carried out by a terror group based in Pakistan on November 26, 2008 is a classic trans-border terrorist event.”

Mahmud Durrani further went on to explain that he has —

“… very good information that the government of Pakistan or the ISI was not involved in 26/11. I am 110% sure.”

Then there is Bob Woodward, Michael Hayden and Hussain Haqqani who all said the same thing — that General Pasha (ISI chief at the time) admitted that the Mumbai attack was planned and executed from Pakistan by non-state actors. His exact words are said to have been “the people were ours, the operation was not.”

Now that you have all this information, scroll up and look at the statement Nawaz Sharif made. Does it sound traitorous and treasonous anymore? Does asking a legitimate question — can we allow non-state actors to operate from our soil? — really make one a traitor to Pakistan? Because if this is the definition we’re using now, it’s only a matter of time before each and everyone, including those who think they’re above board, are accused of treason.

This is not to say that Nawaz Sharif is without fault and we need to defend his integrity. Not at all. What this is about is the fact that a de facto shadow government is in place, with unwilling puppets dancing in front taking the abuse. Nawaz Sharif’s self-indulgence is revolting, his satiation repulsive, but in the same vain ask yourself why him only? Why do we think it is OK to break every single norm that we bandy about as being essential to a democratic, prosperous Pakistan when it comes to Nawaz Sharif and single him out? If there is accountability, it should be across the board. But does it look that way to you?

If your answer is “for the greater good,” and that it needs to start from somewhere, I have nothing but despair and hopelessness for you. The greater good is nothing, if it is not for everyone including those you hate, loathe and detest. 

Drone strikes kill terrorists

US drone

Yesterday a drone strike killed Wali ur Rehman Mehsud, the 2nd in command of the Tehrik e Taliban Pakistan (TTP). News reports say he was killed with his close aide Fakhr-e-Islam and 5 other Uzbek militants.

When I rejoiced at the thought of this snake being killed in a drone strike on Twitter, a very dear friend of mine pointed out that this is unacceptable and should not be tolerated under any circumstances. Normally I'd be prone to agree with him. After all, which country would tolerate another country's weapon of mass destruction firing missiles into its territory?

But these are not normal circumstances. Why does the US feel it has to fire missiles into Pakistan to kill terrorists? Because a) our army does not/dare not go into North Waziristan Agency which has known hideouts of terrorists and b) the Pakistan army has given its blessing to the American drone strike program. And for good measure. Many terrorists have been killed by these very drones that the Pakistani public loves to hate. The government maintains plausible deniability (or used to; recently the US has gone solo on the program so now the government actually has no advance knowledge of a drone strike according to the NYT) and builds up anti US rhetoric which keeps the masses united in their hatred against anything to do with the West and also keeps the terrorists from sparing them (or so they hope!).

Drone strikes have taken out legions of terrorists. According to the Bureau of Investigative journalism, there have 366 drone strikes in Pakistan up to now. Between 2,537 - 3,581 people have been killed in these strikes. Of these people killed between 579 - 1,081 are civilians and children. Whatever way you cut it, that means there's between 1000 - 1500 terrorists who have been killed in these drone strikes. In war there is collateral. And this collateral, between 1000 - 1500, is very limited considering the kind of dangerous animals have been killed.

But of course collateral damage of any kind is unacceptable. And then there's the issue of Pakistan's sovereignty. Ah. The fabled sovereignty. Countries with honest leaders, and honest people have sovereignty. Countries who are willing to fight to the death to defend their honor have sovereignty. Countries who are ready to face long periods of hardship have sovereignty. Iran has sovereignty. Venezuela has sovereignty. Cuba has sovereignty. We only have tatters of indecency which are sold for peanuts. So the myth of Pakistan's sovereignty is just a smokescreen designed to fool the gullible. But let's get back to the drone strikes, and how they violate Pakistan's sovereignty. Fair enough. Why doesn't the Pakistan military shoot down some drones? If we have sovereignty, why doesn't the Pakistan Air Force take down a couple of drones? Show the world we've got some muscle, no matter how puny, and we aren't afraid to use it to defend our honor?

And when the Pakistani people talk about "sovereignty" will they please explain to me where that sovereignty goes when Uzbeks, Tajiks, Afghans and Arabs decide to recreate scenes from Call of Duty on our streets? Uzbeks, Tajiks, Afghans and Arabs are not "Pakistani" people. Will the Pakistani people explain to me how these are "our" people and yet they found it so easy to slaughter 50,000 civilians? Innocent people who had nothing to do with this heinous war? Will the Pakistani people please explain to me what "sovereignty" they talk about when motherless bastards such as Hakeemullah Mehsud order the slaughtering of 130 innocent people in the 10 days before elections just because those people "support" a certain political viewpoint? What sovereignty is there when Pakistani land is allowed to be used to devise and plan terrorism acts WITHIN Pakistan, let alone the rest of the world?

The drones have killed 3500 people. A majority of them terrorists. Terrorists have killed 50,000 people. 46,000 of whom were innocent bystanders, or first responders. 4,000 of whom were military personnel. These are FACTS.

Another point that's objectively raised is will the US allow such drone strikes to occur on its own soil? Of course it won't. It's the world's most powerful country. Other countries dare not touch it. Besides, terrorists are not known to live and train in the US. Terrorists are not known to have safe havens in the US.

Let's get something else clear as well. The love Afghanistan and Afghan Taliban narrative that's eschewed in Pakistan has bitten us on our ass many, many times now. The Afghans have so much hatred for Pakistan, it's unbelievable. Instead we've taken 3.5 million Afghans and given them homes and jobs. The Afghan Taliban, vicious beasts that they are, were the ideology that led to the birth of the Pakistani Taliban. Declan Walsh is right when he says the Pakistani Taliban are a nihilistic organization. Snakes.

Also when you read and research about the objectives of the Pakistani Taliban, it is not to wage a war against the conquering forces. It is establishment of THEIR version of Sharia which as we've clearly seen is bordering on the insane - a far cry from Islam, or any other religion for that matter. So if the Pakistani people think once the US leaves the region things will get back to normal, they are highly mistaken.

Are drone strikes in a moral grey area? Sure. But they've been helpful. They've been helpful in killing the snakes who desecrate the Pakistani people's homes, maim their children, violate their women. And for that, I am thankful for the drone strikes.

And if you still want more certainty, here's a list of the world's most wanted terrorists killed by drone strikes:

1. Nek Muhammad Wazir
2. Haitham al-Yemeni
3. Abu Hamza Rabia (3rd in command of Al Qaeda)
4. Abu Laith al-Libi
5. Abu Sulayman al-Jaziri
6. Midhat Mursi
7. Abu Ubaidah al Tunisi
8. Khalid Habib
9. Abu Jihad al-Masri
10. Rashid Rauf
11. Usama al-Kini
12. Baitullah Mehsud
13. Tohir Yoldosh (leader of Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan - what the hell was he doing in Pakistan?)
14. Ilyas Kashmiri (was supposed to be a successor to Osama bin Laden)
15. Sayeed al-Misri
16. Jamal Saeed Abdul Rahim
17. Bahadur Mansoor (responsible for the FIA HQ bombing in Lahore)
18. Hussain al-Yemeni
19. Hamza al-Jufi
20. Sheikh Fateh al-Misri
21. Wali ur Rehman Mehsud

I've obviously missed out on a lot of other terrorists killed in these strikes but this ought to prove to you their effectiveness. These terrorists are responsible for killing millions of people around the world. Also, most of these terrorists aren't even Pakistani yet were killed in Pakistan. Proves the ineptness of our security apparatus. And yet we still want to blame the US for sending in drones?

Pakistan women's cricket team confined to a stadium in Cuttack

So much for the Indian "hospitality"

With the women's cricket World Cup scheduled to take place in India this year, a rather unfortunate and sad story has unfolded. Recent border clashes on the Line of Control have sparked a feverish Indian response that extends beyond their regular media mouthpieces. So much so that the Pakistani women's cricket team has been confined to the stadium at Cuttack in India because all 5 star hotels refused to host them due to racist pressure on them from extremist Indian elements.

Dawn.com in it's reports asked four questions regarding the whole situation. Find the questions and my answers to all four of them below.

Q: Keeping in mind the situation the Pakistani team is faced with in India, should the ICC play a more decisive role?

The ICC should take an Indian banana and shove it up its you know what. The ICC is like the UN. Gutless, spineless, loser of a referee who realizes he really has no power and the only real source of its income is the Indian cricket board. So it dare not offend it. As far as its concerned, the world is round and there is nothing wrong with it.

Q: Are the ICC and the BCCI setting a precedent for all future matches that Pakistan may be involved in in India?

The BCCI set the precedent when it refused to allow Pakistani cricket players play in the Indian Premier League. So as far as its concerned, its just following its long set tradition. The ICC on the other hand has no real authority. So even if it wanted to do anything, it really can't. As far as precedents go, Pakistan is already shunned. Just going with the flow never hurt anyone.

Q: Being bound to the hotel (stadium in this case) has been cited by FICA and most international teams as a major concern when talk of touring Pakistan comes up. Will it affect the performance of Sana Mir’s team in any way?

Of course it will. You're bound to a stadium in a country that does not want you to be there. Why are you hell bent on staying there? Where's your self respect? If somebody had threatened any cricket team visiting Pakistan, all hell would've broken lose. They would've flown back to their homeland in a heartbeat. Meanwhile our brave gals are calling on their "supporters" to show up for their matches. How can they be so naive?

Q: If travelling around in India is not a safe option for the Pakistan women’s team, is it right for the World Cup to go ahead over there?

I don't know. All I know if the PCB wasn't even more spineless than the ICC they would've called our gals back home and told the ICC and the BCCI to fuck off.

Besotted with violence: Who will change mens' attitudes?

Mount Elizabeth Hospital Singapore where the victim passed away

By now most of you know that the victim of the New Delhi bus gang rape in India has died. Along with the Indians a lot of people across the world are still reeling from the shock of the cruelty and utter barbarianism that was meted out to her. A lot of people are still pondering why?

Let's just remind ourselves what happened to her exactly. On December 16, she along with her fiance was coming back after watching a movie. They wanted to go to Dwarka, a place in southwest Delhi when they were tricked into boarding a bus by some men. What happened then is a tale of truly horrendous proportions.

6 men raped her for almost an hour. As if that wasn't enough, they then beat her with an iron rod tearing her intestines. They then threw her, and her fiance from the moving bus onto the road. She was then flown to Singapore where she faced multi organ failure resulting in her death. A 23 year old life, snuffed.

Terrible as it is the pertinent question here is indeed why? Sexual violence against women has long been a characteristic of the subcontinent (both India and Pakistan). Men have traditionally tried to dominate the society and when they have been unable to establish their writ they have tried to do so by harming innocent women. On the other hand people who are supposed to prevent such incidents from taking place (police, state agencies etc.) are usually directed and run by men and that's where the second conundrum starts. Because the society as a whole has failed to educate and evolve, their mindsets are hard coded into laying the blame squarely on the victim.

In this case however, the backlash has been strong and unusually robust. The epic proportions of cruelty notwithstanding, the government of India has still failed to pacify the large number of protestors. Any remedial measures will only serve as a band aid, a temporary fix. Even if the 6 accused are found guilty and hanged, the failed policies will continue to chew away at the social fabric of society.

So how can change be emancipated here?

The dead honest answer is: Through education. You see these heinous crimes take place because as children these men were never taught to respect women, or told that by defiling women's bodies they do not somehow establish their superiority. If the concepts of right and wrong, of equality, of respect, kindness and forgiveness are instilled in children from the get go, society will gradually begin to change. Chemically castrating sex offenders for example, is not going to stop the rape of women. Hanging culprits might silence the large number of protestors but that will not end the stressful lives women have to endure in our part of the world.

Of course there is the fact that while there is talk of some change taking place in India in response to this abhorrent incident, the same cannot be said for Pakistan where women are buried alive and senators stand in the galleys of Parliament and say that it is our customs and no one has the right to talk about it.

It saddens me immensely that people only raise their voices in the subcontinent when innocent lives have been taken. In India it had to be that nameless 23 year old medical student who was going back home after watching a movie. In Pakistan it was the 20 year old Shahzeb Khan who was going to visit his friend. In both cases the voices for change came to late. How long before they die out and we're back to square one?

A version of this blog post appeared on The Express Tribune Blogs: Click here to view it.

The Taliban apologists and the conspiracy theorists

I never fail to be amazed by the arguments put forth by the conspiracy theorists and the Taliban apologists. The conspiracy theorists amaze me because they say crazy improbable stuff that would make any sane, self thinking man, woman or child laugh their head off.

Exhibit 1:

From Zaid Hamid's official Facebook page

As you can clearly see a lot of people like what they're reading. No matter that it makes no sense. Has no meaning. Sounds really stupid and lame. Yet, these conspiracy theories still attract a lot of people because they provide a means of blaming our terrible problems on somebody who is not us. It is too difficult to acknowledge our mistakes because acknowledging them would mean we would have to fix ourselves, and fixing ourselves simply isn't something we like doing.

Then there's the second kind of people I abhor. I call them the Taliban apologists. What are the Taliban apologists? I'm glad you asked. The Taliban apologists are people who instead of condemning the barbarianism of the Taliban instead try to find ways of defending them by portraying their victims as having deserved what they got.

For example:

Malala Yousafzai is a 14 year old girl from Swat. One day on her way home from school, two Taliban stopped her van, asked who she was then shot her in the head. In the process of attempting to assassinate Malala, they ended up injuring two other girls as well. For the common man this would be it. This would be enough to prove what cowards, vile and depraved animals the Taliban are. For the Taliban apologists, well nothing ever is enough.

A Taliban apologist will conjure scenarios where he will attempt to persuade you that the whole Malala shooting was fake. He will tell you that it was a ploy by the US government to force the Pakistani government to launch an operation in the tribal belt. He will tell you that the Pakistan army is a pawn in America's war. He will tell you Malala was never really shot, and that she is actually an American agent. The problem with the Taliban apologist is that he simply cannot bring himself to accept the fact that America is not somehow responsible for the ills that he is facing in his life. According to the Taliban apologist everything wrong with the world is America's fault. His bathroom tap is broken: America's fault. He has constipation: America's fault. His dog barks in the night: America's fault. Somebody steals his cow: America's fault.

Diagnosis:

The Taliban apologist needs somebody to blame for the misery he has to see everyday, and he ends up blaming America because all his life he has been told time and time again that America is the real root cause of evil; that he is perfect and he can do no wrong; that what he does is correct and what others do is wrong.

You would imagine that the Taliban apologists and conspiracy theorists would go hand in hand? Right? Wrong. You see according to the conspiracy theorists, even though everything wrong with the world is America's fault, they believe that the Taliban, the Pakistani government and anybody who doesn't believe in their garbage is an American agent.

So in essence, there argument goes something like this:

The Taliban shot Malala in the head to force the government of Pakistan to launch an operation in the tribal belt using the Pakistan military to wipe out the Taliban because somehow that will allow Obama to win the 2012 Presidential election.

To me what they're saying is:

The American agents shot an American agent to force the American agent to launch an operation in the tribal belt using the American agent to wipe out the American agents.

Even when you shove the fallacy of their arguments in their face, they will not accept it. They will then label you as an American agent and that will be the end of discussion.

This post could go on for pages but there's no point in dragging it. May Allah have mercy on Pakistan. Amen.

Celebrating Pakistan's independence day. Or not.

Yours sincerely, Pakistan

I've always wondered why we celebrate our independence day on 14th August. I mean Pakistan gained independence from the Indian subcontinent at 00:00 hours on the night of 14th and 15th August. Which technically means we were independent on the 15th of August because 00:00 hours signify the next day. But of course in our inadvertent desire to be distinguished from India, we decided we would celebrate our independence day a day earlier than reality. But of course that is neither here, nor there.

Over the past many years I have celebrated 14th August with a lot of fanfare and joy. I have found something to celebrate even if it is pinning that tiny pin up flag that's sold for Rs 10 to the front of my shirt. I have bought many small paper flags strung together and hung them on my house's balcony much like the Americans' fetish with TP (toilet papering). I have bought firecrackers and something called a "sootur bum" which is like a very dangerous kind of firecracker. In my time I have thrown firecrackers into a squash court just to hear that unbelievable blasting sound that actually caused guards to come rushing to the sports complex. I have taken part in the mandatory night parade celebrations of 13th August on Rawalpindi's famous Murree road. So yeah. I've celebrated. A lot.

This year is different though. I didn't get any of those celebratory pangs of joy that precede 14th August. Maybe its got something to do with my mood. I am in a bit of grey mood nowadays if I'm honest. But I think my lack of joy has less to do with my mood and more to do with the environment of my country. I have experienced first hand corruption, nepotism, jobbery, ineptness, hypocrisy, impatience and a lot of other traits that have come to define the Pakistani strata. I have seen people not care. I have seen people die. I have seen law enforcers breaking laws. I have snapped. I have given the finger to many policemen escorting VIPs because they told me to back off and not cross the car of the motherfucking prick they're escorting. I have become angry. I have lost patience. I have lost the dream of seeing a happy, prosperous Pakistan.

Pakistan is just a geographical identity. Pakistan is a bit of land sandwiched between Afghanistan and India. What makes Pakistan, Pakistan, are the people who live in this land. Sometimes those people do amazing things. Sometimes they become lazy inept losers. This year those people are morbid. This year 14th August doesn't have the same joy. This year those people have killed 14th August.

I wish I had the same energy that I had last year during 14th August. But when my grand vision has been shattered and my joy reduced to nothing, there is nothing left for me to call that energy upon and expend it. I wish this 14th August was a happy one. I wish we could sing and dance, and laugh and play. We can't. Because our idea of 14th August which had already been reduced to a mundane display of flags and firecrackers is nothing more than that. A flawed idea.

A happy albeit subdued independence day everyone. May God bless us all. May God bless Pakistan. 

Stay in your limits, general

Can't say anything to the military, that's treason; can't say anything to the judiciary, that's contempt of court; can't say anything to the Mullahs, that's blasphemy; but the Prime Minister, President and Parliament, let's lynch them because it is our democratic right.

Or so read the Facebook statuses of thousands of Pakistanis. And apparently also on Twitter. So why is everybody being so queasy about treason and contempt of court and blasphemy? Well that's because the lot of Pakistanis with some common sense and rationality are increasingly being cornered with no way.

PM Gilani in an interview to a Chinese daily hinted that the replies filed by the Chief of Army Staff General Kayani and the Director General ISI General Pasha were unconstitutional and held no legal merit. He of course forgot that they were both respondents who were served notices by the court directly and then had to reply to the court with or without Gilani's approval.

Now we know that Gilani is not a very clever man and doesn't think things through properly. But we have been led to believe like the little black sheep who only bleat and follow whatever comes in their way, that Kayani is super perfect and that he has Kim Jong Il type powers of awesomeness. In addition we have also been told rather repeatedly that because Kayani is so perfect, he can never do any wrong. Oh how sorry were we.

You see in response to Gilani's rather stupid hinting capabilities, Kayani hit back at the "civilian democracy" in the place where it hurts the most. Kayani via an army statement said that Gilani's statement could have "serious ramifications" for Pakistan. But hold your horses! He further goes onto threaten the civilian baddies with "potential grievous consequences for the country."

As a citizen of this poor, shunned, brow beaten shell of a country that this once was, I stand hurt and well mighty damn angry. How dare Kayani who is nothing more than a grade 22 officer threaten the democratic institutions of Pakistan? Who does he think he is? Does he think he is God (naaoozubillah)? Does he have a magic wand that he will wave and make the problems of Pakistan go away? Oh wait. That can't be it because he was asleep in his king size bed at home when Pakistan's sovereignty was raped for 2 whole goddamn hours on May the 2nd!

It pains me, disgusts me and shames me that even now there are people in this country who support a martial law imposition; who think Kayani coming to the helm of affairs will fix everything. Well let me just bust your bubble: It will not. The favourite argument of these self professed cleansers of Pakistan is that because Zardari is corrupt, he has done corruption. Because he has done corruption, his whole party has done corruption. Because PPP has done corruption, the army needs to come to fix everything. Wrong!

So Zardari is corrupt and Gilani is stupid and Firdaus Ashiq Awan is an affront to the intelligence of women, the fact of the matter is they are only criticised because there are no "ramifications". Because criticizing them will not land you in jail, or your deathbed. Let's talk about another type of corruption today shall we?

Rs 800 billion was allotted to the army last year. Rs 800 billion. Now let's recount what took place last year. First there were the drone attacks. But it turns out Kayani was hand in glove with the Americans on that one. Let's all laugh about how stupid we all were for thinking the army was defending the frontier while in fact they were the ones providing spot locations for drone attacks. And lest you forget I'm all for drone strikes to wipe out militants. I'm just amazed at the sheer hypocrisy of those (read: army) who proclaim that the Americans will not be allowed to toy with our sovereignty. What sovereignty do they talk about? But I digress. Then came May the 2nd. A day that will forever go down in history as being the day when Pakistan lost all morality in the comity of nations. Why didn't our army defend us? Why didn't our Air force defend us? Why didn't the army shoot down the raiding American helicopters while they fluttered about in Pakistani airspace for two hours? Why didn't the army take action when all the action could in fact have been live from the Pakistan Military Academy? Why? And when the civilian baddies tried to fix that (via the Memogate, wrong method but correct intentions) the army just got pissed. What about the navy base attack? When 4 "Star Trek" characters set a whole base on fire and laid siege to it for 16 hours. How incompetent is our army? Even with Rs 800 billion a year in its pockets. And they talk about defeating India in war when can't even defend their own shoddy selves. Why does no one talk about this corruption?

And lest we forget, yes Kayani is the rat bastard who is responsible for putting this country under the water and making it sink. Now he trespasses the halls of morality but let me jog your memory. In 2007 Musharraf wanted an NRO with Benazir Bhutto. He sent his DG ISI to draft an agreement and get it signed. That agreement was called NRO. And who was that DG ISI, the architect of that agreement? Why yes it was Kayani. Who rules this country behind the facade of Gilani and Zardari? Why it's Kayani. And who has burnt this country down and sold it to the dogs? Why yes, it is indeed Kayani.

I don't have a problem with the army, or the soldiers who stand day and night watching these insolent generals who have nothing better to do than to fart all over the destiny of Pakistan. I have a problem with the generals. Making Kayani the chief executive will be the final nail in the Pakistan's coffin. Let's make that clear.

So how do we go about sorting through this mess? By letting the PPP complete its 5 years in power. You see we have now seen how inept the PPP has been in power. In the next elections people like me who have never voted before, are going to vote it out of power and vote somebody better in its place and so on and so forth. But instead if Kayani comes to the helm, well then bye bye Pakistan. You were truly loved and you will sorely be missed.

By linking the performance of the governments to the voting process and by empowering the common people, in only 20 years' time this country will be a much, much better place than it is today. People themselves will see how democracy is a million times better than the army mounting coups. Kayani should not sully the good name of all those nameless soldiers who have died, who stand upright during the night to protect his highness, and who when the time comes become brothers to those Pakistanis who need them. Kayani would be well advised to keep his fantasies to his self. Kayani should stay within his limits.

The Pakistan Memo

By Shahida Mazhar

Leadership is indispensable to Pakistan’s future progress and survival.

In the current Pakistani scenario, we must always have a third option to survive the dirty politics of the two major political parties.

Anyone who can redirect Pakistan to its destined path, as envisioned by, Sir Syed Ahmed Khan, Allama Iqbal and Quaid--e-Azam -- is the third option today.

If Pakistan has to survive as a rational nation, then it must really become Jinnah’s Pakistan and not a Pakistan for ignorant mullahs of Jamaat-e-Islami, who follow the Maududi Doctrine for a theocratic Pakistan. Jinnah fought against the organized mullahs, who preached/practiced 'Theocracy' as the Islamic doctrine.

Jinnah did not want Pakistan to become a theocracy and vociferously debated with the Muslim clerics in United India against it. 

 As citizens of Pakistan our mission today should be to evolve social justice, for deliverance of good governance.

Every Pakistani must speak up, against inequality, corruption, insufficient security, deficient education system, social malaise and healthcare, in order to usher in reforms needed desperately by Pakistan.

The time is over for 'fence sitting' and remaining silent for silence today will mean concurring with the status-quo, which is not an option any longer.

The world is going through epic history making events in the peoples' movements' like the 'Arab Spring' and now the 'Occupy Wall Street' as global citizens. We must get involved, and must play our part in it.

The American people have stood up against its tyrannical establishment, via the 'Occupy Wall Street' movement. Similarly Pakistan must play its correct role, and define its direction today also. As citizens of Pakistan, we have a responsibility to the world, and we need to indentify our mistakes, and then resolve to change our direction. We need to put our mark on history. We may or may not have the same demands yet we have a common front composed of many diversified interests.

Unified we have to confront and solve the most pressing problem of our time. It will not be an exaggeration to say that our survival as individuals, as a society, even as a species depends on it.

I request all Pakistanis, to cross party lines and support the correct person in the next Elections in 2013.

Let us remember that: "Allah will never change the condition of a people unless they first change what is wrong in their hearts" – Al - Quran

About the author: Shahida is an overseas Pakistani deeply devastated by Pakistan's state of affairs. Creating awareness and differentiating between fact and fiction is her passion. She is apolitical and freelances for different blogs from Facebook.

Good Taliban, Bad Taliban

If it were merely blithering idiots giving us the good Taliban, bad Taliban story, we would simply laugh and move on. But that's not the case. The good Taliban, bad Taliban is deeply embedded into the minds of our intellectuals and journalists and hence this rhetoric finds its way onto the mainstream. Which is problematic for two reasons: 1) it creates confusion amongst the masses, and 2) it keeps the Pakistani establishment hovering two feet above the air when it needs to be brought back down.

Why does the Pakistani establishment keep floating in the air when this rhetoric is flowing though? The answer is simple. They are the ones who have fooled us into believing in this rhetoric in the first place. While the Afghan Taliban are good Taliban, the Pakistani Taliban are the bad Taliban. Unfortunately for the Pakistani people, the Taliban refuse to distinguish themselves as the Pakistani or Afghan Taliban. To them they are just the Taliban. Hence the Pakistani Taliban claim that Sirajuddin Haqqani is a commander of the Taliban while the Pakistani establishment believes that because Sirajuddin Haqqani is an Afghan, he is good for Pakistan.

I have questioned repeatedly and vigorously as to what benefit the Pakistani establishment sees when it tries to enforce upon the masses that creating a strategic depth in Afghanistan is paramount to Pakistan's future. However no answer has ever been forthcoming. So, we don't know what good will come from having a war torn and destabilized Afghanistan on our west border with the Taliban in the government's seat other than somehow it will help us against India.

Reverting to a point I made earlier regarding Pakistani intelligentsia's fallacy of falling for the rhetoric that is spewed by the establishment, it becomes doubly dangerous because this propaganda is passed off as facts. When national newspapers become the playgrounds of manipulation, the concept of objective journalism evaporates. It is indeed the need of the hour that the Pakistani journalistic community get its act together and pushes for an objective viewpoint that questions the intentions of all parties involves and condones transparency and the point of views that are beneficial for Pakistan as a whole; not simply for those pulling the strings.

10 questions that need to be answered at the All Parties Conference

As you all might know an All Parties Conference (APC) is currently under way in Islamabad to chalk out a united response from the country's political leadership to the threats and accusations made by Admiral Mike Mullen in which he accused the Taliban's Haqqani network as being a veritable arm of the ISI. Almost 58 politicians belonging to all the major political parties are attending this conference including Nawaz Sharif, Imran Khan and Chaudry Shujaat Ali. The important question is whether this conference will actually achieve anything substantial?

We of course need a united stance on the American accusations and allegations which are by their nature very extreme. To help the politicians achieve that, General Ashfaq Kayani (COAS) and General Ahmed Shuja Pasha (DG ISI) will be presenting themselves before the politicians and answering the various questions that they might have.

Some of the questions that I have and which I would really like to be answered are as follows:

1. Does Pakistan actually have any "veritable" links to the Haqqani network?
2. Does the Pakistani military support a "strategic depth" doctrine in Afghanistan?
3. If yes, then what exactly does the Pakistani military intend to achieve with that strategic depth in Afghanistan?
4. Does the ISI share strategic intel with the US intel agencies?
5. Does the Pakistani military have compulsive, incriminating evidence against CIA/US double dealing in Afghanistan and Pakistan?
6. Does the Pakistani intelligence apparatus have compulsive, incriminating evidence against Indian involvement in Pakistan's tribal areas and Balochistan?
7. Does the Pakistani military believe that it can defend the country in the event of a ground invasion by the US forces?
8. Why did the Pakistani military allow a known CIA operative who is also a murderer (Raymond Davis) go scot free?
9. Has the Pakistani military officially sanctioned the lease of Shamsi airbase to the UAE and further on to the USA?
10. How can General Kayani and General Pasha convince the Pakistani nation that after the OBL fiasco (being discovered in the heart of the Pakistani military) a repeat of that episode will not take place?

These are just some of the many questions that I would like to be answered. Because they form the bedrock of the many confusions plaguing our nation regarding the intentions of our armed forces.

A reply: The Gloves Come Off

Karen Bleier/AFP/Getty Images

On Foreign Policy magazine's online website today, you will find a hard hitting article by Daniel Markey regarding the US pressure vis-a-vis Pakistan. In that unfortunate article, Daniel Markey has just talked the talk and labelled the Pakistani military as being a sponsor to terrorism in Afghanistan. Being a Pakistani, this hurts me deeply for obvious reasons. However, while some part of me may believe that the Pakistani military has not been entirely honest with the US (they've been much less honest to the Pakistani people) I do believe that the American people must know of the inadvertent failures of their own armed forces in a country that they shouldn't have attacked in the first place.

The US has taken the Pakistani case to the press and has played hard ball with it. Twisting the Pakistani military's arm in front of the camera must have been a massive adrenaline rush for Mike Mullen and Leon Panetta but the fact remains that there's hardly anything else they can do.

While the world looks with dazed eyes on the volley emanating from both sides, there is little doubt that they have both hit a stalemate. Frankly speaking though, the Pakistani government and military might just be about to enter the bad boy zone by unilaterally telling the US to piss off. Ramifications for such an action are far reaching and dangerous; already the IMF and World Bank heads have refused to meet with the delegation of Pakistanis headed by Hafeez Shaikh the finance minister and there is little doubt the US will squeeze every remaining drop of blood from the Pakistani veins.

If Mike Mullen and Leon Panetta feel confident in berating Pakistan publicly and delivering some not so veiled threats then it must mean that they have credible information regarding Pakistan's double game. Surprisingly however this time around the Pakistani's have hit back with a vengeance and have counter alleged that the CIA itself has links to many terrorist organizations and that the Haqqani network, which is the bone of contention, was a blue eyed boy of the CIA for many years.

So what can the US really do in such a situation? Well it can ill afford to wage a new war in Pakistan. Sure it can replace the drones with B-52 bombers which make a much higher impact but lets not forget that in these freezing times, the Pakistani military just might grow the balls to actually scramble the F-16s that it keeps touting about.

Most importantly though, and I cannot over emphasize this enough, the Americans have failed on the frontier that they should've won -- the Pakistani people. Like I said before the US has never really worked on winning the hearts and minds of the people of Pakistan. It has always tried to push through its policies in the region via the corrupt, the weak and the dishonest governments of Pakistan whether they be civilian or military. When foreign minister Khar stated that "...the US cannot afford to alienate the people of Pakistan," she forgot that the US has already alienated the majority for the last 60 years. She also forgot (because she lives above the common man?) that her words ring hollow back home.

If the US wants to win the war in Afghanistan, it will have to win the people of Pakistan. The governments, the military and the agencies will always fight their two faced wars because they want to maintain a stronghold over this country and the mantra of "strategic depth" and "India is our no. 1 enemy" holds a large majority of the people hooked. 

O Pakistan... You have been screwed.

Literally. And repeatedly.

This is going to be a short post. Here's the thing. I get frustrated with people when they refuse to understand the obvious. It isn't their fault. Everyone's different, everyone has different views, opinions and ideas. But it just sort of annoys the creeping hell out of me.

Anyway, the title of the post has a literal meaning. Let me just say that the enemy (whoever that maybe) has partially succeeded. Internal strife has now become a regular affair. Other than that, raging division lines have appeared all across the country segregating people by thought with different thought holders looking at each other with the lust of blood in their eyes.

And finally, Pakistan has now become Hypocrisy Central. Hypocrites are as rampant here as the craters and potholes on Barki road.

I do have one final question though. If I were to agree with the opinion that the CIA, Mossad and RAW are following an objective to break up Pakistan, then what is there for them to gain out of our break up?

Anyone?

Is criticizing the army anti state?

I simply cannot hold back my views on this topic any longer. The reason I blog about this matter in English and not in Urdu is simple: There are a number of people out there to whom I direct this blog and they find it easier to read, write and understand English rather than Urdu. For the wider Pakistani population, I will blog about the same in Urdu later.

So is disagreeing with the army anti state? Am I an anti state person committing treason when I say that the army needs to put its house in order? Do I deserve to be burned at the stake when I question where the Rs 620 billion went that were allocated to the defence last year when events like May the 2nd and PNS Mehran take place? These are pertinent questions regardless of what anyone believes.

The fine line is that while most of us agree that the Pakistan army failed somewhere along the way in letting Raymond Davis off the hook, the continuous drone attacks take place, the rape of sovereignty by the Americans on May 2nd, the heinous incident of PNS Mehran in which we lost 10 commandos, there are people amongst us who classify even talking about these issues as being traitorous to the nation. I'm sorry, but how do they expect us to become better at our game when we simply refuse to acknowledge our problems?

Yeah I know there's always that "India's doing this, India's doing that" debate that's thrown at you in return every time you try talking about the atrocities being committed in the name of Pakistan's defence but it simply won't cut it any more. You see while there are people who will tell us that simply talking about the acts of dumbassery being committed in Pakistan is tantamount to blackening the name of Pakistan and sullying our reputation. But these hard questions need to be asked and answered in order to ensure that all the stakeholders (Pakistan nation, government and the military) are on the same page.

While there is no doubt in my mind that Pakistan needs to start standing on its feet; while I agree that the current government and the opposition is nothing other than shameless two faced bastards; while I agree that the US hasn't always been our friend, and well it doesn't appear to be one right now, I do agree that the US is absolutely within its right to want the best for itself. Might is right in the international arena and there's nothing we can do about it.

What we can do is to channel our energies into correcting our mistakes which will only be possible after the acknowledgement of our failures, our wrong policies and our wrong strategies. Once we clear that, then we will have no reason to not correct ourselves.

Of royal weddings and missiles

Prince William and bride Kate Middleton walk down the aisle

Two things to talk about today. The British royal wedding and Pakistan's test of the nuclear capable, air to surface missile codenamed Hatf 8. But first, the happy stuff.

Prince William (Duke of Cambridge as he shall henceforth now be known as) wed Kate Middleton today. And what a ceremony it was. Despite the royalty associated with it and the opulence and grandeur that one would've expected, it was a relatively simple occasion. There was fanfare, but organized. There was no aerial firing, the police were not discourteous, the people were allowed to look on and hence feel a part of history in the making. What was even more impressive was the lack of show-offness that is an inherent culture that the Pakistani people have become famous for. The Queen was escorted to the Westminster Abbey by a single vehicle. There were no motorcades of 50 cars driving as if they were princes of the world; mind you, the people driving those vehicles were indeed princes and princesses of the British Crown. So all in all, a fantastic wedding which despite its huge importance still managed to be a simple affair. And it started and finished exactly on the dot! Congratulations to both His Royal Highness and Her Royal Highness, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and may they lead a happy and fulfilling life together.

But now onto things that are not so happy (at least for the some of us) and which are far closer to home. Pakistan has in the last few weeks managed to test two new missiles which were presumably developed in response to India's reported "Cold Start Doctrine". The first missile that was tested is a short range (60 km) nuclear capable precision strike boy toy called Hatf 6 or Nasr. The sad thing though, is that it is completely useless. The second missile tested is the Hatf 8 and it is an indigenously developed nuclear capable air to surface missile capable of travelling 350 km while carrying a nuclear warhead.

The problem with the first missile (Hatf 6 or Nasr) has been summarized in an excellent article by Cyril Almeida in an article which appeared in today's Dawn newspaper. Cyril Almeida does well in picking apart the Pakistani military establishment's psyche. So how will a missile with a range of only 60 km work? The idea is that when India inserts in integrated battle groups into Pakistan, the Pakistani military would use these missiles against them. Three problems here: 1) After India inserts its integrated battle groups into Pakistan, do we drop the Nasr on them (our own territory) or do we hit something of value in India? Dropping a nuclear bomb on our own territory would be foolish so let's assume we'll hit something in India which leads me to the second problem; 2) If you want to hit something of value in India with a missile that can only travel 60 km, you'll have to place it right next to the border under the command of mid-tier commanders of infantry or artillery units. Nuclear weapons, who's launch or otherwise will be determined by mid-tier commanders. Are freaking kidding me?! And 3) I thought (and I presume a lot of people also thought) that the point of having nuclear weapons was to maintain minimum deterrence. So if you develop short range missiles, then that means you're effectively telling the enemy you'll be using them?

The minimum deterrence in theory works like this: You tell the enemy that if you try to inflict war on us, we'll inflict so much devastation on you in return that you really shouldn't even think about attacking us in the first instant. But here, we've just developed nuclear weapons that instead of acting as deterrents, have been placed under the heading of instruments of war. And that is madness.

So here's the really interesting bit to end this blog post. While Pakistan doesn't have money to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, raise the minimum wage so people can actually survive on their wages, pay off the circular debt so that uninterrupted electricity can be secured, we do have enough money to build new missiles and increase the armed forces' pays. My only question is: What's the point?

Noam Chomsky says it like it is

Noam Chomsky

Noam Chomsky is an American professor who shot to fame for his vehement and rather overbearing opposition to the US foreign policy. Hence, this post will be music to the eyes of those who simply love to bash the US. Like the title of the post says, Noam Chomsky has finally come out all guns blazing in shooting down the US policy vis-a-vis Pakistan. Ironically, what he says makes perfect sense.

In the report published in the Express Tribune Noam Chomsky has stated that the US only cares for itself, hence all the hoopla and drama surrounding "helping" Pakistan is just heresy and it will blow over, like it always has. To begin with, the US supported Zia ul Haq's regime in Pakistan (which is also considered one of the darkest and most traumatic in Pakistan's history) only because it served its interests. Defeating the Russians in Afghanistan could only have been possible if the US got chummy with Pakistan and it did exactly that.

Chomsky further says, and it makes perfect sense and I'll get to why in just a moment, that the prime concern of the US planners is the welfare of the citizens of the US; not Pakistanis. So all the drama about aid and military transfers and what not that the US has created around its intentions for Pakistan are just a showoff because in the end, what matters are the Americans, not the Pakistanis. Hence the drone strikes which target terrorists and which Mike Mullen (Chief of Joint Staff) and Leon Panetta (Director CIA) say cannot be stopped, will never be stopped. The reason being that Mike Mullen and Leon Panetta are both obsessed with eliminating the possible terrorist threat that might emerge from Pakistan's tribal belt and target the US.

Theoretically, and I'm talking from the US perspective, it makes perfect sense. The US is doing exactly what it is supposed to do: Guarding its population, and maintaining its interests around the globe. The Pakistani government on the other hand, and the military, is more intent on sucking this country dry rather than caring about the populace and who went to sleep hungry, who killed himself, and who killed whom in another spree of targeting killing. The US is hell bent on keeping its interests secure. The Pakistani establishment is yet to figure out what its interests are in the first place.

Chomsky goes on to elaborate that America will not listen to Pakistan's pleas and cries for help regarding Kashmir because India is an economic powerhouse with a huge market. Squabbling with it over some "insecurity" issues that Pakistan may have, no matter how legit they are, isn't in America's interests hence they would never engage India over Kashmir or offer Pakistan a nuclear technology transfer deal like the one they've got going with India because that will upset India.

Incredibly Chomsky proposes the same solution that I have been proposing ever since I started blogging: The solutions to Pakistan's crises must come from within Pakistan. Expecting the US to come riding on a unicorn and then sweeping us off our feet is wishful thinking; and its going to get us nowhere. The only issue is Pakistan is obsessed with the US. Every tiny internal matter is dissected before the US and approval gained before implementing it in Pakistan. The acquittal of Raymond Davis showed where we stand next to the US and how much worth we have for the US.

It is time to take our own decisions, and for our politico - militaristic alliance to recognize that bowing down like sorority ladies in front of the US might serve individualistic interests. But if we as a nation have to save our face, we need to do a bit of soul searching. We cannot blame the US for protecting and promoting its interests. That's the way of the world and the US has the right to do it. But we also have a right to promote and protect our interests and it is time we defined them. And then started following them.

The conspiracies mess

Do conspiracy theories really have a higher purpose than 

conspiracy?

Reading up on a news report in the Express Tribune got me thinking: What is true and what isn't on the internet? There are all sorts of views, blogs, opinions, videos and what not available on the web. Each and everyone of them supports a particular stance, and each and everyone of them professes to be true. The problem is, they all appear to be so logical and so thoroughly supported by "facts and figures" that it becomes impossible to not doubt your own opinion.

For example, the hottest topic and point of discussion by far amongst the so called conspiracy theorists is that America is the root cause of all evil emanating from any nook and corner of the world. These views are supported by various hypotheses and facts which are strung together to prove them as true. Even now, you can see from my tone and tenor that I am not convinced and personally, I highly doubt these theories; in fact, I don't believe in them at all.

But what about the people who do believe in them? What about their tones and the way they express their views? Because conspiracy theories are so outlandish, they have a knack of grabbing your attention. So if I were to turn this blog into a conspiracy churning machine, I could double my visitors within a couple of days. Not only that but the way conspiracy theories are presented, with made up facts and some of them not made up, with doubt, conceit and ill will sown in the middle of them, the internet then becomes  a place of half truths and it becomes impossible to sift the truth from all the grime surrounding it.

The one thing that is more important than anything else however is the "Us" vs "Them" game that is played out on the internet. Yes news keeps popping up from various quarters that the US, Israel, India (notice how it is always only these three countries who are behind all the evil in the world?) join their hands in alliance to start shady programs that will shift the world focus onto specific things and allow them to manipulate us to do their bidding. More importantly however, these claims are never rejected by the countries. And who can blame them anyway? I bet they have better things to do in life than disprove theories circulating through cyberspace.

What's true and what isn't?

But the trouble is if it really is an "Us" vs "Them" situation, what should a layman like myself do?

This is one question that I've been pondering over of late. The irony is that I have been dissing our local conspiracy theorists from ever since I can remember and for good measure too. But if the internet is the next battlefield and conspiracies are what will enable us to win, should I then be a part of this complex mess? And if I choose yes, does that mean that I will have to spew venom and nonsense?

I may never be able to answer these questions for the simple reason that there is overwhelming doubt and evidence to practically brush aside the majority of the conspiracy theories that reach us. But what about those theories that sound improbable and even implausible but there is no easy way to disprove them except the fact that they sound weird?

The propaganda game has been going on for quite a long while and I have tried to refrain from it. My objective of course is to not indulge in it and present my views and opinions based on solid facts. But when opinion comes into play, you know it will swing either for or against a given subject. And that is what worries me.

Well played India. Not.

I don't mean to sound like a sore loser here. Wait - the topic title suggests I am a sore loser. But who cares? Now normally I'm all for friendly relations and ties between India and Pakistan; the message of peace and harmony should reign supreme on both sides. But when it comes to cricket? Well everyone has weaknesses.

India have won the semi final against Pakistan. For those of you supporting India, congratulations to you. Not to your team. And I'll get to why not in just a moment. For those of you who were supporting Pakistan, our "boizes" did their best; apart from Umar Gul who looked as if he'd gotten a wedgie. But that can be forgiven. What can however not be forgiven is the gargantuan display of butter handedness that was exhibited by our players. 6 dropped catches. 6! Four of those let Tendulkar off the hook. In the end Lala had to do it all by himself. One wrong flick from Tendulkar to our Lala, and Tendulkar was walking back towards the pavilion.

And Misbah ul Haq. You scrawny piece of scandalous ****. Please don't take this to heart by the way because I still feel you're the best crunch hitter in our team (although you have always decided to hit the ball out of the ground far too little and too late; remember the 2007 T20 World Cup? But screw that). Remember today? What in God's name were you thinking? All you had to do was rotate the strike. I've heard its the fundamental rule in cricket that one learns. Rotating. The. Strike. You know such as when you can't hit the goddamn ball around, you push it into a gap and take a single. What were you thinking man?

By comparison, you made Umar Gul look good. Way good. At least he had the decency to bowl some awesome yorkers. But you? What purpose did your half century serve? What?

Shahid "Boom Boom" Afridi

But moving on. Lala - we love you. Despite you being an obnoxiously terrible ball timer, we still love you. We love the way you blew chummas at Wahab Riaz during the match; we love that it took you one attempt to catch Tendulkar; we love that you bowl so insanely awesome deliveries; we even love you despite the fact that our team dropped three catches of your bowling. Oh and all this is in addition to the fact that you're every girl's wet dream in India, even though they may not accept it (yes Poonam Pandey, I mean you too); and that every boy in Pakistan (no matter how ugly he is) tries to look like you, talk like you, put his arms in the air like you, tries to bowl like you, field like you, tries to be awesome like you. We might have lost, but you, the greatest Pathan captain in the world, you still managed to win.

And Wahab Riaz. When I was watching the match and the camera panned to Shoaib Akhtar, I could tell that he was hating you. You took his spot and then you did what he hadn't done during the whole tournament. You took five wickets! And that too in a World Cup; and that too in the semi final of a World Cup; and that too against India! Every time we lose our best bowlers to narcotics (Muhammad Asif), corruption (Muhammad Aamir) and injury (Shoaib Akhtar) we always find someone to replace them with. Today it was you. Rock on. And stay clean please. Pakistani fast bowler producer companies are already running low on supplies.

Lala knows no fear!

And now finally to India. The nation first. Congratulations! Your team's in the final. It is too bad that 180 million on your Western border will be cheering on the much smaller, in fact tiny, nation in your south called Sri Lanka. But don't let that matter because you won! And now you get to see Poonam Pandey naked. That was the real goal (its time you admit that), winning the World Cup will just be the cherry on top of the cake. But to your team, I really don't think they played well. Sehwag yes, just like our Wahab Riaz, but other than that they all sucked. Just like the rest of our players. They scored runs off our pathetic fielding skills - that's unfair; Pakistan should be given special bonus runs to compensate for their abhorrent fielding - your batsmen flaunted their muscles and got out. Their bowling was lacklustre. In fact, if Misbah ul Haq had played his normal game, the outcome - well let's just say it would've been closer, and much more exciting.

This match was the mother of all cricket matches. The most anticipated match in the history of cricket itself. And it is us who made it so special. We all deserve applause. Sure I might sound like a sore loser, well you know defeat does sting, but in the end I had fun watching the match. I had fun watching the Greens take on the Blues.

We'll be back in 2015. Till then, hang tight!

Will Manmohan Singh's cricket diplomacy work?

If history is a marker to judge the future by, then the answer is a definite no. But if you, like me, believe that the future is as unpredictable as the toss that will decide who bats or bowls first in Mohali, then the answer simply is: We don't know whether cricket diplomacy will work or not.

It is indeed a commendable step to invite over Zardari and Gilani to try to kick start a stalled dialogue process. And it will also give Singh a chance to escape the heat of the local issues plaguing his government such as the allegations of graft.

Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh

While there is no doubt that cricket itself stands to gain from the encounter between India and Pakistan on Wednesday, the diplomacy appears uncertain at best. Below are some of the incidents from history that show why cricket diplomacy has been a non-starter.

1. In 1987 Zia ul Haq visited Jaipur to witness a match between India and Pakistan which marked the resumption of cricketing ties between the two countries after 17 years of suspension. However, two years later in 1989 the freedom struggle in Kashmir blew out of proportion and the two countries were back to square zero.

2. In March of 2004 the Indian cricket team visited Pakistan for a series ending a 10 year drought. They were accompanied by Rahul and Priyanka Gandhi. India's national security advisor at that time Brajesh Mishra also showed up at the Lahore fixture of the series. He was the one who had designed the declaration of Islamabad in which it was claimed that Musharraf had promised no part of Pakistan would be used for terror activities against India. But that claim was short lived as by the very next year, India was accusing Pakistan of harbouring ill-intentions.

3. In 2005 Musharraf went to India to watch the Pakistani team play in India. Manmohan Singh also watched the match and they both issued a joint statement stating that the "peace process between the two was irreversible". However in 2007 with Musharraf's exit in place, Pakistan and India's future prospects of thrashing out issues appeared bleak at best.

4. In 2009 Gilani and Singh issued another joint statement from Sharm al Sheikh in Egypt pledging to restart the stalled process. However by now it had become apparent that after the 2008 Mumbai attacks, India's distrust of Pakistan was at its peak, and Manmohan Singh did not have the support to initiate in any meaningful dialogue to improve ties with Pakistan. The Wikileaks cables showed that.

A clearer picture will emerge after 28th March when the home secretaries' from both sides meet to try to negotiate about the resumption of talks. Till then, Manmohan Singh can only hope for the best till he meets the Pakistani leaders at Mohali.

Zaid Hamid and Ahmad Quraishi: Propaganda at its best

Zaid Hamid. 

The problem with Zaid Hamid and Ahmad Quraishi is simple. They’re stupid. They talk and advocate nonsense. They fabricate lies and pass them off as facts. The really sad bit to their hypocritical performance is this though: They use Islam as a tool for their propaganda.

For those of you who don’t know who Zaid Hamid or Ahmad Quraishi is, please Google the gents. And then laugh your heads off. Yes Zaid Hamid is the man who claims everything in Pakistan is India’s fault, while Ahmad Quraishi claims America has formed an unholy alliance with Israel and India to torment Pakistan. These two men also pretend that Pakistan is the centre of the universe and that the world instead of revolving around the sun revolves around Pakistan.

But the problem with Zaid Hamid and Ahmad Quraishi is not limited to their stupidity. You see they make us look bad. How? Well they claim to be Pakistani and therefore (since the majority of us are not as notoriously famous as them) the world assumes all of Pakistan’s population is as mad and lost in the head as these two. They also make the Pakistan army look bad because they claim to safeguard the army’s interests and everybody points at the army and laughs at it about how it has these two stalwarts of complete idiocy trying to defend its honour. They also make Pakistan look bad because a) Pakistan is not the centre of the universe and b) they have “fans” who believe the bullshit these two minions of hypocrisy, lies and fake stories come up with.

Now I know I’m wasting my time talking about these two self declared gods of Pakistan’s destiny but bear with me. You see I came across something very astonishing today, something that has the potential of ruining Ahmad Quraishi’s very existence. Click here to see screen shots of Ahmad Quraishi’s official Facebook page where during a discussion with his “fans” he blurted out the truth about David Ben Gurion; something that I’ve been saying forever but of course vindication coming from the source itself is something else. Ahmad Quraishi claims that spreading lies and propagating falsehood to promote one’s ideology is correct because the other side (India, USA, Israel etc) also does it. And then as an example he says how the lie about David Ben Gurion’s speech that was fabricated to unite the Pakistani nation against the Jews worked so flawlessly.

Now what does one say to this sheer blatant exploitation of the masses? Of course the “righteous” Mr Ahmad Quraishi has no shame and therefore he did not go jump of a bridge into the Nullah Leh but oh well. How do Ahmad Quraishi and Zaid Hamid expect the people to believe them when they’re propagating, promoting and preaching lies and falsehood? I wonder if Ahmad Quraishi knows that there are many people like me who only visit his website when they’re bored and they feel like laughing.

Only recently two articles appeared in the Express Tribune by George Fulton, a naturalized Pakistani who has left Pakistan to seek greener (read safer) pastures for his family. The articles focus on the inherent hypocrisy of the Pakistani state, of the dishonest people and the corrupt infrastructure. Of course that is all true and no one can deny that. But what Ahmad Quraishi and his ilk had to say was that George Fulton was a racist who called Pakistanis degenerates. If Mr Ahmad Quraishi would have used his pea sized brain, he would’ve realized that Geroge Fulton was one of us; he was a Pakistani. He had every right to criticize this system of which he was a part, and this country which was his home. Sadly, it is people like Mr Quraishi who are racists and who could not accept a “Gora” becoming a Pakistani; they also could not accept a Pakistani who pointed out his own country’s shortcomings instead of India’s or Israel’s or the USA’s.

Since Zaid Hamid and Ahmad Quraishi are so fascinated by India, let me bust another of their bubbles. Zaid Hamid keeps threatening India with war and how we will destroy it till the “paleed” Hindus rot in hell. Well let me put this question to him and his ilk: Have you ever wondered why the Quaid-e-Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah spent all of his entire adult life fighting for an independent state for the Muslims of the subcontinent? Yes, that is right. So that we could be free and safe. He did not spend his years vying for the leadership of the Indian subcontinent where the Hindus are a distinct majority and who would then paralyse the system till the Muslim rulers abdicated, or were burnt to the ground.

And what do these messiahs of Pakistan’s destiny want us to do? Conquer India? And then what? What are we going to do with a billion plus “paleed” Hindus? Slaughter them? The logic is simple. Even if we conquer India (dream on Zaid Hamid and Ahmad Quraishi), the majority of the Hindus is so overwhelming, the whole system will be paralysed. The Muslim “rulers” of the Indian subcontinent will not be able to do jack if that happens. That is why we have a separate country. So that we can do what we want in a place where we ARE the majority.

To cut to the chase, Khalifa King Zaid Hamid and Khalifa Prince Ahmad Quraishi can go on living in a Utopia. The writing on the wall is this: You couldn’t fix your own country, and you talk about fixing a country that is 7 times our size. Yeah right.