Pakistan, why you be so sad?

Do you remember the nursery rhymes you learned when you were in kindergarten? Well if you don't, the person in this video (he goes by the name of Edward Reid, and he's awesome. True story!) will not only remind you of them, but positively make you wish that he had sung all those rhymes. But, and this is a big but, what has this got to do with Pakistan you might wonder? The honest answer is nothing. This has nothing to do with Pakistan. And that is exactly why it is so terrible. You see developed countries where education has helped salvage some common sense, creativity such as the one in the video, flourishes. In Pakistan on the other hand, well let's just say Edward Reid would have been beaten to death and his art form would have been decried and pissed upon. We are not a happy people. And because we're not happy, we can never get to enjoy such surreal feats of creativity such as people in the UK or the US or any other developed country for that matter can and do enjoy. All we in Pakistan can do at best is be envious and curse our liege lords for ruining our lives and depriving the masses of education, who if they could understand it, would never sacrifice their tomorrow for today and anoint mad, selfish, hooligans to rule over us. Sad indeed.

You've got it all wrong!

Zero Dark Thirty released in Dec 2012

Over the past couple of months I've watched several western TV shows. Three of them stuck to mind. The first is Sherlock, a British thriller TV series that reincarnates Sherlock in the 21st century. Modern, elegant, crisp and beautifully shot, this TV show has been a particular hit in the UK. The second show that stuck to my mind is Homeland, a US TV series based around the premise (spoiler alert) that two US marines taken captive in northern Iraq have turned on their country, become Muslim and are now sleeper assassins ready to bring down the mighty USA. And finally the third TV show is another US based series called Shameless which is about a dysfunctional family and their various problems. But why am I talking about western television shows you might be wondering? Well I'll tell you why. They've got something very wrong. And that something is the image of Karachi, Lahore and Islamabad.

Now we as citizens of Pakistan know how cool and exciting Karachi, Lahore and Islamabad are. Unfortunately these westerners have absolutely no iota of an idea about their awesomeness and they have depicted them as terror havens with burqa clad women, turbaned mullahs, and terrorists roaming around as if they are on vacation. In Sherlock for example, Sherlock Holmes actually saves someone from getting beheaded in Karachi. In Homeland, Lahore is depicted as being a breeding ground for terrorists, and Islamabad is depicted as having safe houses of terrorists. And in Shameless, well they pretty much bulldoze the entire country in to the ground.

The problem is because the majority of the western population has no idea about Pakistan and its cities, they will more likely than not form negative, unjust and cruel opinions about these Pakistanis cities. They will never get to know about the calmness, serendipity and relaxing charm of Islamabad. They will never get to know about the unique Lahori hospitality, the colorful life, the amazing food (some say its the best food in the world and I agree wholeheartedly) that Lahore offers. And these same people will never get to know that Karachi never sleeps, has malls, parks and recreational places that rival Madrid's, has a diversified and multi ethnic community that happens to be the most educated amongst all of Pakistan's cities.

Homeland is instrumental in depicting Muslims in
bad light

And this is what alarms me most. An average Westerner who watches TV, goes to work, comes back, goes to his regular hang out place with his regular friends will grow old thinking Pakistan is the country where terrorists are born and bred. The whole image of Pakistan stands broken and shattered. It doesn't help our cause that the law and order situation in our cities isn't top notch, but Pakistan simply isn't the country that its made out to be. For example Karachi's problems are no different than Mumbai's so to speak, but while the Indians show the world how fun and classy Mumbai is, we are left with defending Karachi as not being the place where terrorists go to shop.

And this leads me on to my second point. It's all about the image perception. Even though India has some dramatic domestic problems, the world does not get to hear about them. What they do get to see and hear instead are the "Incredible India" ads that show what a classy, true to its roots eastern, modern, vibrant, happy and colorful country it is. Which makes me want to ask this question: Why can't we do the same? Where are our image managers? Oh that's right, we don't have any because nobody cares. What we do have however is a President who is tainted with corruption charges and who refuses to acknowledge those blemishes, we have a Prime Minister who goes to the Supreme Court for disobeying its orders, we have an army that is constantly berated for harboring ties with the militants, we have an administration that is repeatedly told to do more because inadvertently the majority of terrorists are found to have visited Pakistan and most importantly we are the country where Osama bin Laden was found.

We really need to pull our act together and fix our faults. Because even though all of the aforementioned things are true, we know what a great culture and a beautiful country we have. We can't let the world's idea of us ruin our heritage and our pride like this. This propaganda needs to be countered because these festering notions about Pakistan will lead to a greater scrutinization of Pakistan which considering how many problems we already have with the world, will hurt us even more. It's time to show the world what Pakistan really is. It's time to take this cause into our own hands because our elected leaders are incapable of projecting our image the right way.

Of royal weddings and missiles

Prince William and bride Kate Middleton walk down the aisle

Two things to talk about today. The British royal wedding and Pakistan's test of the nuclear capable, air to surface missile codenamed Hatf 8. But first, the happy stuff.

Prince William (Duke of Cambridge as he shall henceforth now be known as) wed Kate Middleton today. And what a ceremony it was. Despite the royalty associated with it and the opulence and grandeur that one would've expected, it was a relatively simple occasion. There was fanfare, but organized. There was no aerial firing, the police were not discourteous, the people were allowed to look on and hence feel a part of history in the making. What was even more impressive was the lack of show-offness that is an inherent culture that the Pakistani people have become famous for. The Queen was escorted to the Westminster Abbey by a single vehicle. There were no motorcades of 50 cars driving as if they were princes of the world; mind you, the people driving those vehicles were indeed princes and princesses of the British Crown. So all in all, a fantastic wedding which despite its huge importance still managed to be a simple affair. And it started and finished exactly on the dot! Congratulations to both His Royal Highness and Her Royal Highness, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and may they lead a happy and fulfilling life together.

But now onto things that are not so happy (at least for the some of us) and which are far closer to home. Pakistan has in the last few weeks managed to test two new missiles which were presumably developed in response to India's reported "Cold Start Doctrine". The first missile that was tested is a short range (60 km) nuclear capable precision strike boy toy called Hatf 6 or Nasr. The sad thing though, is that it is completely useless. The second missile tested is the Hatf 8 and it is an indigenously developed nuclear capable air to surface missile capable of travelling 350 km while carrying a nuclear warhead.

The problem with the first missile (Hatf 6 or Nasr) has been summarized in an excellent article by Cyril Almeida in an article which appeared in today's Dawn newspaper. Cyril Almeida does well in picking apart the Pakistani military establishment's psyche. So how will a missile with a range of only 60 km work? The idea is that when India inserts in integrated battle groups into Pakistan, the Pakistani military would use these missiles against them. Three problems here: 1) After India inserts its integrated battle groups into Pakistan, do we drop the Nasr on them (our own territory) or do we hit something of value in India? Dropping a nuclear bomb on our own territory would be foolish so let's assume we'll hit something in India which leads me to the second problem; 2) If you want to hit something of value in India with a missile that can only travel 60 km, you'll have to place it right next to the border under the command of mid-tier commanders of infantry or artillery units. Nuclear weapons, who's launch or otherwise will be determined by mid-tier commanders. Are freaking kidding me?! And 3) I thought (and I presume a lot of people also thought) that the point of having nuclear weapons was to maintain minimum deterrence. So if you develop short range missiles, then that means you're effectively telling the enemy you'll be using them?

The minimum deterrence in theory works like this: You tell the enemy that if you try to inflict war on us, we'll inflict so much devastation on you in return that you really shouldn't even think about attacking us in the first instant. But here, we've just developed nuclear weapons that instead of acting as deterrents, have been placed under the heading of instruments of war. And that is madness.

So here's the really interesting bit to end this blog post. While Pakistan doesn't have money to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, raise the minimum wage so people can actually survive on their wages, pay off the circular debt so that uninterrupted electricity can be secured, we do have enough money to build new missiles and increase the armed forces' pays. My only question is: What's the point?

Altaf Hussain’s OCD

The man who runs Karachi from London. (Photo:
Tribune.com.pk)

Altaf Hussain seems to have lost his marbles. His inane demands have left many normal, rational and sane people scratching their heads. Of course people other than the MQM workers hardly take him seriously (except when they’ve got MQM licensed guns to their heads) but that hasn’t quite been a stumbling block for him. He has stated in his arrogant, brash and frankly comical manner that he will save the country; that he will save the people; that he will change the destiny of Pakistan. Just one question though, when will he save him from himself?

It all started long ago when Altaf Hussain fled Pakistan and became a citizen of the United Kingdom (bless that country for being a mini, posh, upscale version of Pakistan). Since then, he hasn’t dared to show his face in Pakistani public again and the best we get to see of him – no wait. We only get to hear him over the telephone’s loud speaker – is when he decides that the people of Pakistan (MQM members) are starting to forget him. So he puts on his nutjob accent and addresses the people as if they give a rat’s ass about his views.

Of late Altaf Hussain seems to have developed an OCD (obsessive, compulsive disorder) condition that forces him to visualise himself being assassinated at the hands of the CIA or the ISI. Well God help us all. Then apparently, to please the masters that be in Pakistan, he claims that martial law is the only way out of the quagmire that we find ourselves in. Well lucky for him he’s not a Pakistani citizen, otherwise some overzealous lawyer would have filed a high treason case against him. Come to think of it though, I doubt that would have happened given MQM’s legendary intolerance for everything to do with its British leader.

Not only is Altaf Hussain’s demand for martial law insane, it is also oblivious of ground realities. I doubt the people of Pakistan will allow another dictator to steer the ocean liner called Pakistan. The most concession that they will allow is a midterm election, and frankly the MQM’s chances of winning any seats out of Karachi and Hyderabad look slim. Of course that hasn’t stopped the MQM godfather from procrastinating and berating the current PPP government. Ironically, he and his stooges are allies of the battered and bruised PPP government. Surprising really.

MQM appeared to be a progressive party which was genuinely interested in representing the masses’ views when Musharraf was in power and it had a free reign of Karachi. The transformation of Karachi in itself was a remarkable achievement. But ever since Altaf Hussain got that OCD condition, he has started to live more in a fantasy rather than taking decisions based on the prevalent realities. His call for revolution was, well, unorthodox given the circumstances. But what really made the call for revolution sound ludicrous was his appeal to the army and the judiciary to help Pakistan and its people by hijacking the country. Apparently, the Pakistani constitution means little more than pieces of paper sewn together.

The change that Altaf Hussain desires for the Pakistani nation should come from the people of Pakistan, not from the army or the judiciary which are in fact subservient to the people of Pakistan. Altaf Hussain should realize that the biggest asset in Pakistan is the Pakistani nation, not the army which he implores to take over the government or the judiciary which he wants to support the extra constitutional steps taken by the army. Maybe then the ‘revolution’ he keeps chugging on about will actually materialise. 

I’ve had enough

It was a conspiracy alright. (Photo: Bbc.co.uk)

The whole world is in turmoil. Apparently Wikileaks has caused every douche bag’s pants to go up in flames. But you see I don’t care. I’m sick of Wikileaks and its bean spilling capabilities. The fact of the matter is despite all these revelations, not a single thing is going to change in the political structure of and composition of this country. The Butts will vote for the Butts, the Gilanis for Gilanis, the Chaudhries for Chaudhries and so on and so forth. That’s a fact. Not only that, but despite showing how dependent they are on American life support, the politicians of this country will still rule the roost with impunity in this God forsaken land where common sense was the first casualty in the aftermath of the Objectives Resolution.

Why am I ranting you may wonder? Well because I’m sick and tired of all the political wrangling and the never ending charades that we have to put up with. Where the sons of the demigods roam the streets as if their daddies own the whole goddamn country, how does anyone expect the leaks to create even a mild difference? It is not the self declared demigods’ fault. It is the nation’s fault because we’re too lazy, and too busy being lazy to actually move our asses and do the much needed job of correcting ourselves. But that’s a tall order for us to fulfil isn’t it? Just thinking about it is making my head burst with pain and the really sad part is that no one seems to care how pathetic we as a nation have become.

The US does not define our destiny; we do. So get your head out of your ass and start using your brain. The US did not want the Chief Justice to be reinstated, but we did. And we did get him reinstated. There, right there is your myth of conspiratorial theories busted and burnt down to the ground. Get a life. People make fun of you when you say “conspiracy”. Blaming everything on the West and then to sit back and crib and cringe about it like a little girl won’t get us anywhere, as has been amply proven. You want to break the American hold? Move your ASS! We aspire and then claim to be a self serving sovereign nation. Well I’m surprised why none of us has had the gall to ring up the Saudis and tell them to mind their own goddamn business yet. Is it because they are our oh-so-best-Muslim-friends? Or is it because they are the second most influential force in this country after the American embassy?

But you know what? I don’t want to know the answer because it wouldn’t make any difference. We will go on lying around like useless pieces of scrap, while external forces in cahoots with the utterly shameless imbeciles who lord over us like black rain from the sky, write our destinies for us. Because that is what is convenient for us. There will be no revolution because revolution requires sacrifice. How many of us can even survive a paper cut to be able to say we want a revolution? It makes me sick. Double standards, hypocrisy, two-facedness are the striking highlights of our nation. You go to any parking stand and the toll collector will ask you for twenty rupees when the ticket says ten actually. You stop at any signal and policeman in commando fatigues will threaten you with his black cat moves and his shiny automatic weapon to get the hell out of the way of some douche’s horny son who needs to immediately get laid. You shoot him a dirty look and he shouts a stream of explicit expletives that will involve anyone from your mother, sister to uncle, aunt, father, grandfather etc. Basically, he will have abused your whole family tree.

And then there’s the contrast. The outhouses, the farmhouses, the multimillion rupees apartments in posh areas. And they all scream the same thing over and over and over again; no one cares. No one gives a rat’s freaking ass as to how the world ruins our country. No one cares how we ruin our country. No one cares how we deface and sully the name of Pakistan and in the process, muddy our own identity. It’s just gut wrenchingly sad. It’s pathetic. May God have just a tiny bit of mercy on us. Please God. You owe some of us that much because some of us actually care about Pakistan.  

Rise of the corrupt

The rising corruption in Pakistan has become a major
global concern. (Photo: Dawn.com)

We think that the corruption that we see in Pakistan is hidden, that the world cannot see it. That is probably the reason why the Government of Pakistan, Salman Taseer and Hussain Haqqani from an entire corps of other people decried the Transparency International ruling about how Pakistan is sinking into a myriad web of corruption.

However, the fact of the matter is that the corruption in Pakistan is like an open advertisement; open even to those who do not wish to see it. Consider the following example: Two children were born in rickshaws because the mothers couldn’t get to hospitals on time. The reason for them being unable to get to hospital was because of VIP movement due to which the police cordoned off the roads and did not allow anyone to pass through. People will remember how a Karachi University girl died in an ambulance in Karachi, because the roads had been closed for Pervez Musharraf’s motorcade. Compare these atrocities to the fact that in every VIP motorcade, there is always an ambulance that is trailing behind the “King’s” bulletproof vehicle.

The sorry state of affairs does not end here. Only today for example, while coming from Peshawer to Lahore on the motorway, I had to make way for a “VIP” who was travelling at breakneck speed. As if his bulletproof Mercedes wasn’t enough to ensure that us lowly scum subsided from his rear view mirror, there were three police vehicles “escorting” him. Even this wasn’t enough, as every flyover on the motorway had a police vehicle standing by on top of it with policemen looking down on the motorway like eager kids waiting for the circus parade to pass. On a service stop I asked a patrol man as to why he did not fine the “super fast” VIP and his response shocked me. He said that the VIP was exempted from the speed limit, and there are no less than 71 other people who are also exempted from the motorway’s speed limit of 120 km/h.

Such ostentatious displays of power do not augur well for the well being of the country. Where the rulers have different rules for the ruled and different rules for themselves, you can well imagine how it is almost impossible to expect the system to work. The famous saying that “absolute power corrupts absolutely” comes to life in Pakistan. Where the rulers have declared themselves to be above the law that is applied to the commoners, it is quite understandable that they will indulge in atrocious behaviour that is detrimental to the country’s image, whilst being hugely beneficial to their own.

This is the real face of Pakistan. While we continue to shy away from it and try to draw parallels from the West about how corrupt they are, we forget that two wrongs don’t make a right. Just because somebody else does it does not mean that we doing it are right. Similarly, instead of taking the Transparency International report positively and trying our best to eliminate, and at the very least address, the glaring fallacies present in our system, we dismissed it with the flick of a hand; or a tweet in case of Salman Taseer and Hussain Haqqani.

This system needs an overhaul. Unless we can get decent people at the very top, people who feel that they are not demigods, only then can we even begin to look towards our strategic partners and ask them for help. Until our image problem is not resolved, it would be totally futile and useless to keep pestering them to bail us out.

Return of the dictatorship – Response to the criticism

The friendly or hostile opposition is just a farce; they're all
in cahoots. (Photo: Dawn.com)

A lot of controversy has been generated by my last post, in which I quite clearly declared that the 18^th Amendment to the Constitution of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan was nothing more than a return to the dictatorial ways of these so called ‘democratic’ politicians. Article 63’s amendments in ways that have virtually made political parties a family heirloom, and have distorted the very foundations of a democratic culture are obvious for all to see. Those who disagree with me, please visit www.na.gov.pk to read the Amendment yourself.

The general hype around the article I wrote stems from the fact that I criticized all the stakeholders involved in this debauchery. Apparently, while it is ok for us to lambast the PPP, it is tantamount to blasphemy to say anything against the Holy Grail aka PML – N. When I mention facts that are authenticated and are doubt proof, people start calling me a Musharraf lover. Let me clarify something here. I compare two eras, not two people. I do not believe in individuals, I believe in institutions. Therefore Musharraf means nothing to me, just like Zardari; but the institution of political acumen that they both represent is something that I admire.

There was one particularly sordid gentleman who commented on my article that democracy was the worst thing that ever happened to Pakistan. The point to ponder is did we really achieve democracy? Or did we instead, end up voting for self seeking ego-maniacs who have passed laws that declare them demigods? I think the latter is true, but of course we all agree to disagree. The thing is though, Pakistan never had a proper democracy; democracy in the true sense of the word.

Just today for example, 36 ‘Islamic scholars’ declared Musharraf Wajib-ul-Qatal at the behest of Talal Bugti. It’s actually quite pathetic that the Islamic laws are now used to gain self serving interests rather than churning out justice for those in need. I can bet that these 36 Molvis will change their statement in an instant if Musharraf offered them riches or promised ultimate power to them. As far as Talal Bugti is concerned, he’s proved himself to be a coward. It was three years after his father died in a raid by the army that Musharraf left this country. If he had the balls, why did he not declare Rs 1 billion bounty on Musharraf’s head when he was in power? Now he talks about going to the Supreme Court, but we all know that’s just rhetoric. The selfish mentality of rich and influential landlords can be seen by the statements of Talal Bugti.

Musharraf’s a used cartridge, to use his own euphemism so it’s best to let him be. This is precisely why the PML – N supporters ought to hold their horses, and not lose their cool when they see someone praising the quality of governance in Musharraf’s era. Granted we had mismanagement, and I’m sure a lot of grievances but how do you explain that to people who continue to lose their family members everyday in Karachi? Or who have to pay Rs 80 a kilo for sugar? Or to those who understand the consequence of the mounting IMF debt on Pakistan’s increasingly fragile economy?

It’s shameful that leaders of the West have to ask, neigh demand us to do what is right and appropriate for our country; increasing the tax base, bringing the hence undocumented black sheep into the tax net, taxing the elite and the billionaire agriculturists. On the other hand, our leaders fidget over the insertion of clauses into the constitution that makes it mandatory for the Head of State to be a Muslim. Would someone be gracious enough to explain to me as to what exactly was the fault of all those non-Muslims who were born in this citadel of Islam? While we continue unabated with our demands that India treat its Muslim population on a principle of equality and justice, and the West stop negating and maligning the good name of Muslims and Pakistanis, in the Motherland we are ever ready to flaunt the basic rules that apply to our population. It reminds me once again of Prem Chand and the injustice he had to face even in death.

The fact remains that the current National Assembly of Pakistan has proved to be anything but democratic. But that does not cause me despair, because I believe that if this process of democracy is allowed to continue, grow and flourish, people will realize the power of their vote and will force these scumbags to either correct themselves, or get lost in the murky depths of history.

While you continuously boss us around…

The American War Machine in Afghanistan is losing;
and blaming Pakistan for the loss. (Photo: Dawn.com)

The thing is, I’m a proud Pakistani, and like all proud Pakistanis, belittling my country gets my blood roiling. Therefore, despite the legitimacy of American claims and demands, their outrageous actions and words spark a torrent of bubbling anger in my gut.

First of all, we’re not man-servants of imperialist goons. We are independent despite the clichéd opinions of cynical intellectuals. Then we have a democratic government, which despite being the champion of subjugation still allows us to bash it on every front. This freedom to form opinion on a personal level is quintessential in explaining the notion of anti-Americanism that pervades our daily lives.

Despite the legitimacy of American claims, and counter claims, we always assume the worst about it. Why? Well when writers such as John Moreau urge the American government to stop caring what the Pakistani government’s interests are, then they should also have the decency of understanding that the Pakistani government is not honor bound to American whims. It has its own agenda just like the US has its own agenda, and therefore it is entitled to follow it, just like the American government expects to follow its own.

The bone of contention is the Haqqani Network which has ample presence in Afghanistan, and which continues to be a thorn in the side of the American war machine in Afghanistan. While America urges Pakistan to dismantle the network at their end (North Waziristan in FATA) because not doing so is proving counterproductive to American interests in Afghanistan, the Pakistan military and government are reluctant to do so. For some odd reason, the military insists upon viewing India as a threat and therefore needs a stronghold in Afghanistan to fall back on in case of an India – Pakistan war.

The safeguards in this scenario appear to be the Haqqani Network which will act as the Pakistani lobby in the Afghani establishment once the Americans withdraw. What the Americans fail to realize, or address, is the fact that Pakistan feels threatened by the increasing influence of India in Afghanistan and in the American policies. The American reluctance in isolating India is easy to understand given that India has emerged as the new economic hub of the world, and the world’s lone superpower would be stupid to ignore it. But that does not mean that it can outright deny the concerns of Pakistan.

The need of the hour is for both governments to chalk out a roadmap, because they both love doing that, and proceed with it. Pakistan does not want terrorists operating from its soil, and the increasing drone attacks (many of them emanating from within Pakistan) prove so. On the other hand, it would be stupid of the Americans to expect Pakistan to alienate a major power bastion in Afghanistan after the American troops’ withdrawal.

So contextually, the recent statement by Mike Mullen stating that Pakistan will soon launch an operation in North Waziristan, followed by an immediate rebuttal from the Pak army saying that it will do what its interests demand and not foreign dictates, is cause for major concern. It represents the growing concerns that have engulfed the two allies with serious repercussions for both countries, particularly Pakistan. Statements by top officials of the Obama administration have even gone so far as to say that the AfPak policy should be changed to PakAf, and writers such as John Moreau want full land and air invasions in Balochistan and FATA if Pakistan is unwilling to bow down to American pressures.

I think that the one thing we can all agree on is that bombing Afghanistan was one thing, but poking Pakistan in the eye with a stick will open a Pandora’s Box here and that is no one’s interests. American misadventures previously have cost the whole world dearly, and now is not the time to inflict more pain on it. Now having said that, the Pakistan government would be well advised to think through its long term policy and objectives. It would be utterly stupid, that in the quest of gaining an upper hand in Afghanistan, we end up isolating ourselves from the entire world. Saner voices need to prevail on both sides if Project Afghanistan is to succeed.

Don’t I Just Love being an Ostrich!

Welcome to Ostrichistan.
(Photo: Procureinsights.wordpress.com)

The world moves in a circle, on a fixed path and rotates around a central axis. This causes us to experience day and night, and summer and winter. And all the seasons in between. But, this circular movement of our planet also gives a spin to the thinking ability of some of us who are then unable to call a spade, a spade.

This purely philosophical take on our ineptness is directly linked to the existential pattern of one particular animal. No, it is not a lion and no it is not a hyena. It is an ostrich which when faced with danger pretends the danger doesn’t exist by burying its head into the ground. Hmm. Now I think instead of calling people hypocrites, I should call them ostriches. That way, they get a cool nick name and I still get to poke fun at them.

So what has the ostrich approach got to do hypocrisy? Well like the ostrich, we have refused to believe the facts that we can see with our own two eyes. Yes the two eyes with which you are reading this post. Also, this approach helps us in getting across points to the other party which in all sensibility, are utterly pointless. Let me give you a localized example. When you talk about the injustices being meted out to the minorities, people give you a shut up call and tell you that because the majority is suffering from such a colossal pain in their unwashed bottoms, you really have no right to talk about the minorities and their issues. So I said ok, I shall talk about the majority then and try and put forth the problems and solutions which I see fit, forward. The result was that the same people then decided I was being too much of an ass, and the weather was much more interesting and then they played a game of guess-the-clouds’-shape; so ostrichey.

But then, let’s even forget that part. Let’s talk about the US. Now I know you just went ‘ooooo’ and ‘aaaaaa’ because I said US; the country that we all hate so much but will absolutely love to go to and settle in and then make babies and teach them how Pakistanis are the best and that they ought to take over the US and turn it into an Islamic Republic and rid the world of the evil that the US and its citizens aka themselves, are spreading. I just got an idea. Instead of calling citizens of Pakistan Pakistanis, we should start calling ourselves ostriches. Wouldn’t that be just brilliant? The world will give us free aid to conduct experiments and research on ourselves from a totally scientific point of view and let’s face it, how many terrorist ostriches have you come across anyway? Oh and let’s not forget that in the process, we will turn ostriches halal. Brilliant.

Like true ostriches we demand aid from the US as if it’s our birthright, but then in typical fashion we throw a tantrum and demand that the aid be provided on our own ostrichey terms. When the US calls for taxing the rich and the elite we again throw up our wings, and pretend we can fly, but then look down and see we really never left the ground, and then say who is the US to lecture us on tax reforms? When the US says improve your water management system, we say it is saying that because it has teamed up with India (the sly vixen; don’t you just want to shoot it in the head and sell its skin in the black market?) to gang up on us poor hapless creatures. We pretend the Pak Army is a lion whose body is made up of Mard-e-Momineen, and that it keeps roaring and soaring and telling the world to not rattle us because we’re more deadly than the African Mamba. But then NATO attacks us, kills our soldiers and our guardian lion tries to roar only to find itself restricted by the fact that it has a beak instead of a jaw full of razor sharp teeth and an esophagus slightly taller than the Eiffel Tower.  

So really, what do we want? Then answer of course lies in the fact that we are confused creatures but hey, that’s not our fault because we were born confused and we will die confused. It’s an ostrich law that requires us to maintain that level of confusion so that nobody knows what is happening, and those who understand it are drowned out in the sea of this confusion penetrating all our pores.

Typically, we make lots of noises, and some of them are downright scary, but that’s all we ever do. We want aid, but we want it on our terms. We want F – 16s but we’re not interested in the Taliban and Al Qaeda making the world insecure. We want investment but we’re not willing to fix our corruption because it’s our country and we’ll ruin it in the way we see fit. We will let the King Ostriches have field days minting money off of us but when the US will tell us to broaden our tax base, we love to tell it to take a hike. So really, now we know we’re absolutely perfect at being one thing; an ostrich.

This article wasn’t written to degrade anyone’s feelings. It is a satirical piece on our plight. If you feel your feelings have been hurt, then please shove it, because I don’t give a damn. Period.

The British Press’s Screws are Loose

Guilty until proven innocent. And guilty even then, 

according to the biased British press. (Photo: 

Tribune.com.pk)

Most of us do not read up on the news appearing in the foreign newspapers. However, today due to my bad luck I was subjected to the news reports appearing on The Sun’s (English newspaper) website. One has to only sift through the content of the report to know that the English dailies are out there minting their profits on the back of issuing derogatory, appalling and sickening slurs on everything Pakistani.

Now this is not a post about absolving the Pakistani cricket trio of blame, if they’ve done wrong. However, as it so happens, despite weeks having passed, no formal charge sheet has yet been brought against them. I’ve always thought the British were a just nation, and having only been exposed to the Pakistani standard of journalism, where even the names of those people who are directly responsible for major misdemeanors are hidden from the public, it was with a bit of a shock that I read how the British press has maligned everyone from Ijaz Butt and Asif Zardari, to common Pakistanis by labeling us as ‘terrorists’, and calling Pakistan a ‘terrorist tinder-box’. I take very strong exception to this piece of abhorrent journalism where on the basis of mere allegations a whole nation has been reviled.

The British fourth estate has been particularly vehement in bashing the Pakistani cricket team, and understandably so. But what is unfathomable is the utterly slow reflexes (or lack of balls) of the Pakistani cricket administration. When Jonathan Trott had an altercation with Wahab Riaz, the PCB should have sued him right there and then. Instead, Shahid Afridi handed over the advantage to the British on a silver platter by saying “we showed a big heart.” The British do not need a big heart, they need a severe bashing to bring them down to their senses.

Consider the language that has been used in the British press. “Shameless Pakistan sink to a new low”, “Good bye and Good riddance” etc. The interesting thing about the first article was that it admitted that Jonathan Trott had called Wahab Riaz a “match-fixer”, and yet oddly enough the article called the Pakistanis farcical and shameless. It just goes onto show the lack of depth and maturity in British journalism.

But having said that, there isn’t a very clear distinction about what is ethical or unethical in our part of the world either. Everywhere we are made to hang our heads in shame, sometimes because of our cricketers and sometimes because of our shameless leaders. No wonder the world doesn’t take us seriously; no wonder we don’t take ourselves seriously. The resulting chaos is that we are steadily sliding back into primitive times where legal redress and recourse is unheard of, and people seek retribution by wanting to hear the sickening crunch of bones breaking in their rival’s body. It’s a national tragedy, what is happening to us; but then, we don’t even have a choice of breaking free from our shackles of enslavement because no sane man has entered politics yet, and those who try to find it impossible to break through the dynastic monopolies prevalent in Pakistani politics.

With the corrupt corrupting everything that they touch absolutely, it is no wonder that the level of governance has plummeted to abysmal levels, affecting every tiny detail in our lives. The one thing that really hurt the most is the sorry state of affairs of our cricket management that has ruined the image perception and credibility of the Pakistanis absolutely. It is no wonder that the world treats us like toothless cats, and continues to humiliate us with on every possible front.

Recuperating from all of the calamities that have struck us in rapid succession will take a long time; and on the way, we will find out that some scars never heal properly.

Facebook Politics

Musharraf with his trademark salute.
(Photo: Dawn.com)

Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a diehard supporter of Pervez Musharraf. Firstly because he was a general, and no general has ever made it into my good book and secondly, because he was a self obsessed, egotistical man. Now normally only one of these characters in a person suffices to make me never like him, but in the case of Musharraf, I'm forced to make an exception.

See whether you like it or not, agree to it or not, or even believe it or not, Musharraf did end up doing stuff that I have yet to see the politicians of this country do. Maybe he did it all because he had the general gene, or maybe because he truly cared for the country, or maybe he was scared that if he didn't perform, he wouldn't get a second chance. Whatever the case maybe, Musharraf introduced broad-range police reforms in 2002 which replaced the British era police legislation. He also introduced a system of local governments which are unprecedented in the history of the country and have never been seen since his departure.

A genuine hate for the man coupled with explosive bouts of schizophrenia no doubt, caused our erstwhile politicians to tank-roll the whole system. And herein lies the paradox; while there is no doubt that Musharraf's ego was larger than his camoflagued jacket at the waist, Monsieurs Sharif and Zardari's egos are larger than life itself. Not only that, but they are also utterly shameless because there is no other way of understanding why anyone would bulldoze a political setup that was actually working in the country for the first time.

Of late, I've heard and read in places that Mr. Musharraf has a huge fan following on Facebook and his fans refer to him as ‘Sir’ Musharraf. I beg your pardon, but I don’t believe the Queen has as yet decided that Pervez Musharraf is worthy of any Knighthood, and nor has she recognized any of his services that might have been carried out for the good of the UK. Although I will concede that Musharraf probably likes hearing being called Sir Musharraf. I think he should write another book and title it: From General Musharraf to Sir Musharraf.

Recently Pervez Musharraf announced that he will be returning to Pakistan. This announcement was made with poor hindsight because as it has transpired, he has based his popularity litmus test on the number of ‘likes’ that his page has received on Facebook. Admittedly, this number is almost 300,000 and is considerably larger than the number of ‘likes’ garnered for Imran Khan’s page,  or Zaid Hamid’s page, or even the US Government’s page, but it is still foolhardy to make Facebook fan following a yardstick to judge things by.

As much as Musharraf would like to disbelieve it, but the fact remains that the likes on his Facebook fan page represent a highly skewed sample from the total population. Pakistan has a below average tele-density (web access), and even then the majority of the net users is comprised entirely of urban, middle and upper class people. So the majority, people belonging to the rural areas, people living in slums, people with no internet access, are not even a part of the sample that Pervez Musharraf uses to base his popularity on.

The question of Musharraf’s popularity will only be answered once he decides to come back to Pakistan. In retrospect though, he is the first “former” leader of this country who has actually endeavored to take a stance of helping his countrymen and not just sitting back and enjoying the lavish fruits of his 9 year rule by holding a telethon and planning on holding more to raise money for the flood victims. If memory serves me right, both Benazir and Nawaz Sharif consumed with consummate selfishness and a hunger for power were busy politicking over the dead bodies of people in the aftermath of the 2005 earthquake, similar to what we’ve seen after the floods. It just goes on to show that some traditions die hard.

May God be with us all, and help us and lead us toward a peaceful, prosperous future. Amen.

What do we do?

Having seen some of the atrocities committed recently, I have come into a far better position to understand the notions that the Western world, or rather the entire world has about us. I can understand why the furor that was caused by the ‘Draw a Muhammad Day’ was so critical. I can also understand why Facebook and the people behind the atrocious event were so adamant about going forward with it.

The simple fact of the matter is that we as a nation try to deflect criticism by conjuring up comparisons with everyone across the spectrum. We are like ostriches; we rarely attempt to face our demons, rather we’re more inclined towards pretending the demons do not exist. Such mental faculty has been groomed and honed at the behest of successive governments because it defined the mood of the national public, making it easier for the powers to be to chide us repeatedly and perversely. Consequently, instead of trying to resort our problems, we end up blaming RAW, Mossad, CIA, FBI, the Freemasons, the Jews, Zionists, Israelis, Hindus, Sikhs, Afghans, Uzbeks, the Brits. Everyone, but ourselves. The thing is though, after we’re done blaming them so vehemently and vociferously, we rarely have the mental energy or capacity to resolve the issues at hand. As a prime example, the American-Russian war in Afghanistan was the cause of a massive influx of Afghan refugees into Pakistan; but maintaining the law and order situation, regulating those refugees, and ensuring they went back to their country was our job. Did we do it, or were we just too overwhelmed with emotions at the thought that our “Muslim” brothers and sisters were inconvenienced?

All the countries of the world, be it Saudi Arabia, Iran, Syria, Palestine, UAE (Muslim countries) always put their own interests before the “Ummah’s”. If this simple notion can penetrate the head of even one of my fellow countrymen, I will have done my job. We try to be the sole maverick hero of the Muslim world, but the truth is we’re not. We can pretend as much as we want to but the fact of the matter is that the Muslim world tends to look down upon us with disdain. We have brainwashed ourselves into believing that we are far superior to the rest of the Muslim nations but we’re not. We need to clarify these misgivings about our position in the world and concentrate on alleviating the problems existent in our society today that have nothing to do with the rest of the world.

It is high time that we stop calling the world ‘hypocrites’ and ‘double agents’ when we are ourselves are master-champions in that ball game. We are so good at it that we ourselves have now inconspicuously failed to realize that we’re playing a double game. In all this sordidness that we have spread with august gusto, we have sullied the name of Islam. We have confused the cogent and lucid with ill-advised contempt which is totally devoid of reasoning. While we stand up amid great crescendo defending the construction of the Cordoba House just two blocks from Ground Zero, how many of us have thought of the moral responsibility that we as Muslims bear to the city of New York? Although I believe in the freedom of religious affiliation, and I actually wrote a rebuttal to Miss Sarah Palin rebuking her for bringing her hawkish views into this case of the Cordoba House, how many of us can actually proclaim that the Muslims are morally justified in building a Masjid so near Ground Zero? If the WTC was in Pakistan, and the attackers were Christians, you can well imagine a sort of mutiny would’ve taken place had a Church been approved to be built at the sacred site.

The recent cataclysmic events in the cricketing world have only reinforced my views about us. While we are the frontrunners in preaching the values of ethics, morality, shame and mannerisms to the entire world, we fail miserably and shamefully ourselves in all those disciplines. We have no sanctity of our national flag, because as it so happens, to many it is just a piece of cloth with two colours; we have no respect left for our identity because our “stars” do not care what image they send out to the world. We are innocent people, easily fooled into believing anything that comes out of anyone’s mouths; we’re like sheep bleating about aimlessly, following anything and everything that we see. We’re full of pent up energy and there is no release. The world keeps on castigating us, but as it so happens we keep throwing them plenty of good reasons to keep doing so. And then, as it so happens, the million dollar question is: What do we do? 

The Three Balls that have Changed the Face of Pakistan Cricket

The moral clout of Pakistan cricket lost forever.
(Source: Newsoftheworld.co.uk)

It seems as if Pakistan’s lucky stars have gone on vacation. Everywhere you look, bad luck appears to be the main culprit, the new disease affecting us. It all started one fine day with the statement of David Cameron about how Pakistan is playing the role of a double agent in Afghanistan. Since then, we’ve gone even further south than we already were (if that’s possible), while the gods have bestowed glad tidings in David Cameron’s house in the form of a daughter.

The first event in this series of unprecedented events was the Airblue flight ED – 202 crash that led to the deaths of 152 passengers. The cockpit recorder shows that a third person was present in the cockpit at the time of the crash. Perhaps our affinity for the complete disregard of rules was the cause of the crash? But I speculate. Let’s move on. A few days after the crash, an even bigger calamity struck the nation, one that we were quite unprepared for. The floods came crashing down upon as if we were mere sticks in the way of the mighty oceans. Man’s helplessness against Mother Nature’s fury was thrown into sharp relief, or rather [sic] Pakistanis’ helplessness against everything, from God to God’s creations, was thrown into sharp relief. We mourned the loss of 1600 people. But even if that was not enough to shake your fragile bones, the Sialkot incident where a mob lynched two brothers publically would have made even the pacifists of the world turn in their graves. Take your pick.

We were just beginning to come to grips with the magnitude of the disaster that hit us, the floods, and the human toll; the suffering of those who were ravaged and displaced, and the fact that we have entered extremely hard economic times here in Pakistan that another bombshell was dropped on us. In fact, it has just been dropped a few hours ago. The Pakistan cricket team’s players are involved in the ugly business of match fixing. And not just match fixing, what a case of match fixing it is. It is detailed down to the last inch by the News of the World. Just click the link and you will know what I mean.

Aesthetics aside, and the moral scrutiny that Pakistan will once again have to undergo, there is little that we Pakistanis back at home can do but hang up our heads in shame. Of course the morally deceased amongst will have a problem with that and will say that this is no unique incident in the history of cricket, and such incidents have happened in the past. You are very right, but the fact is a decade since the idea of match fixing was finally laid to rest in world cricket, it has raised its head once again and Pakistan is associated with the notion.

What scares me most though is that our panacea for such ills is temporary and short lived. We will change a few players, shuffle a few players, remove a few players, and all will be well. That is how it has always been. The one thing that is not how it has always been is the fact that the Pakistanis are staring into their reflection, and realizing how doomed we are.

But it shouldn’t surprise any of us. Without delving into the morbid business of cursing our own selves and justifying the natural calamities that have struck in the last month, I do feel that there is nothing of substance left now to call ourselves proud Pakistanis. We have been badly let down by our own President, and we have been humiliated beyond known boundaries of despair by our cricketers. The repercussions of the Pakistani antics in the cricketing arena will be profound and vast for the world. The only question left is: Will they make an impact in the shameless world of Pakistan?  

From We to Me

Map of districts affected by the floods

This is a first hand report. I went door to door, asking people to make a donation; anything at all that they would like to give and not just money. The results were astonishing. Out of 40 households, only one came forward with a charitable donation of Rs.100. This attitude forced me to ask myself: Why? Why are people so reluctant to give? Why are people not hospitable and charitable anymore?

There are several reasons to that. Several reasons that I can think of, and several of them I know are true. Having studied a little bit of sociology, I can think of sociological reasons to identify the reasons for this lack of helping attitude. I can associate political reasons to this lack of civic sense and yes, there are psychological reasons too.

Over the last few years, our national character has degenerated at an alarmingly fast rate. There are no studies to back up my claims, but if you are a Pakistani who dares to venture out of your house gate, you will understand what I am saying. It seems as if a general wave of rage, irritation, displeasure, irritability etc has engulfed Pakistan. People have stopped caring, and from US and WE, it has become ME and I.

This disintegration of the social fabric has had profound consequences on all the facets of an average Pakistani's life. He has been deprived of electricity, good food, jobs, justice, the whole nine yards, and he just doesn't give a rat's ass about anything anymore now. All he cares, or rather, all WE care about now is ourselves, our lives, our girlfriends, our wives, our families and that's it. Gone are the days when communities used to come together and have a fun filled evening. To quote a personal example, I don't even know the name of my next door neighbors.

The political aspects are also equally responsible for this utter mess that we find ourselves in. It appears that the general happiness of Pakistanis only peaks when dictators are abound in the Presidential Palace in Islamabad. And once again I am forced to ask the question why that is so? The general rule of thumb is that when generals are at the helm of affairs, some semblance of orderliness exists. There is some order in the way things are done and handled. The same cannot be said of the democratic forces of present in this country. Every time the PPP has ruled for instance, we have only suffered at the hands of massive corruption, IMF loans, and a general debilitating effect on the general morale of the country. The same is true for the PML-N, who's leader was about to declare himself a demigod before he was sent packing back home. In all this muddle, it is easy to see why the national calibre and the social level of responsiveness goes down dramatically.

But that's not the end of the story. In the aftermath of the 2005 earthquake in Pakistan, the government demonstrated a sense of urgency. That sense of emergency was reflected in everything; the news, the evacuation, the handling of the affair etc. This disaster on the other hand, despite being one of the greatest deluges in all of known history, witnessed sheer indifference on the part of the government till it was too late. And then, the government was more focused on PR building, and damage control exercises rather that doing what it should've done; help the people. Mr Zardari thundered across Europe, enjoyed lavish dinners and what not, and the Prime Minister busied himself with boat rides and visits to fake relief camps. The sentiment that rebounded almost unanimously through the masses was 'Why?' followed by sheer uncontrollable anger.

I don't claim to be right, but these are the reasons as I see and understand them of why people are not willing to come forward with help. And it's not just us Pakistanis, even the international community has failed to come up to expectations. They were too busy lambasting Zardari to pay any attention to the plight of the 20 million displaced people in this country.

But once again, why should they care when WE, US, OURSELVES, do not?

Why Help Will Not Come to Pakistan

While we moan the loss of innumerable lives lost, and millions more ravaged due to the fury of mother nature, it is futile to expect the same level of aid to come to Pakistan's rescue as was seen in other natural disasters such as the 2005 earthquake, the Tsunami and more recently the Haiti earthquake. True we do not have as many casualties as the aforementioned disasters did, but the scope and intensity of devastation is mind boggling. Consider the fact that all four provinces have been damaged from this excess of Mother Nature's ferociousness.

So why do I say that help will not come to Pakistan? There are mainly two reasons, aptly summarized by Mr David Hughes, the famous British political commentator in his blog post for the Daily Telegraph. Mr Hughes has pointed out that the reason why the British public is taking its time in coming to the rescue of the Pakistani population is because:

1. The Pakistani President was gliding over the sights of Europe instead of overlooking relief efforts back home and,
2. The British public has associated Pakistan with extremism (religious or social) and it simply does not care for the country or its people anymore.

They'll wait. And then they'll stop waiting.
(Source: Dawn.com)

This might be a bitter pill for most PPP/Zardari supporters to swallow, and in all probability they won't even bother swallowing it, but the true extent of Zardari's exuberant foreign shenanigans has been put to the fore not by any Pakistani, but by a foreign veteran journalist. Irreparable harm has been done to the image of Pakistan by Zardari's untimely foreign trips and he has made the country a laughing stock in the international comity of nations. Under such circumstances it would be sheer imprudence to expect any sort of help from any quarters; thus any aid that the GoP is getting, it should treat it as a gift from the heavens. Maybe this will make the hardliners amongst us shut up with their on going vehement discourses against the US which has stepped forward with the most amount of aid for our ailing country.

The second reason is easy to understand. The Pakistani population has been fine tuned to churn out hard line stances (completely ridiculous at times) which are never easy for the other citizens of the world to understand (indeed this is a perfect time for some self introspection on our part). It is no secret that Muslims have demanded that Sharia be enforced in the UK and that has only isolated the Muslims from their British counterparts. More importantly, Pakistanis living the UK have denounced its culture, values, heritage and way of life, called it un-Islamic and therefore unacceptable and yet they have taken advantage of its fairness and just values at every turn (double standards?). The average Pakistani in the UK thinks that he knows what is best for his country back at home, and he knows exactly how he/she can correct the terrible ills plaguing Pakistan, yet day after day these very "patriotic" Pakistanis are found enjoying their British way of life. This has led to a sort of image problem where the general British population has started associating Pakistanis to everything that is wrong with the world. And the fact that almost all terror plots somehow end up having some sort of linkage to Pakistan has completely ruined the credibility of Pakistan and Pakistanis. Consequently the image perception of the native British population vis-a-vis the Pakistanis has deteriorated to a great extent, and now Pakistanis and Muslims in general are equal to extremists, fundamentalists and terrorists; and quite clearly, this notion will be very hard to dispel. In such circumstances, you really cannot blame the Brits for not helping us. 

Double standards? (Source: Dailymail.co.uk)

But there is a third reason, that you only get to understand when you start reading the comments beneath that blog post by Mr Hughes. Once you start reading them, you find out just how much venom is being spewed against the Pakistanis and just how much respect we afford in the modern world. Our leaders, from Nawaz Sharif to Musharraf to Zardari have literally ruined the whole image of Pakistan in front of the international community. How then can we expect them to be aware of our plight? When slurs are made against ISI, and when comments such as "the country should sell its army, lol" are posted beneath a post about the need for humanitarian assistance, you can well imagine what the people think of us, and our country in particular. It doesn't help matters when you realize that your government is spineless and really not interested in good PR at all anyway.

If only our people were educated to realize that the only way out of this vicious circle of enslavement by the same people is by NOT voting them to power, we might change for the better. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it but the fact is that only through education will this nation be able to make a difference. For now, we need to realize that the only help that is going to come is going to come from us. We need to take cognizance of the plight of the poor and the miserable and the displaced because let's face it, all that they've got left is us.

What Did We Do to Deserve This?

D for Donate, but to whom? That is a big problem here. There are roadside camps on, for example Wahdat Road in Lahore, which I know as a fact are only their to swell the pockets of the organizers. As usual, the people unaware of who to trust and who not to are donating with whatever they can. On the other hand it is business as usual in other parts of the country (the not affected). Star Plus blazes on non stop, people vacation in foreign lands (excluding Zardari who is on a "official" trip), Dawn News is more interested in showing Javed Sahib, the Indian composer, Karachi remains closed where "less" people died today than yesterday and I can go on and on and on.

But what do I write? That a woman committed suicide after giving poison to her 3 kids because they couldn't stay hungry any longer? Or that a train went over 4 women and 2 kids killing them on the spot? Or maybe that the lawyers were once again busy agitating over God knows what agenda at the expense of those people who wilt under the open skies everyday trying to seek justice? Or that there are 15 million heart wrenching stories to be heard in Pakistan today?

As usual, Mr Junior Zardari is all smiles and flashy teeth for the cameras in the UK where he opened a donation point. What exactly is a donation point anyway? And why does one need to inaugurate it? And as usual, the idiotic personnel of the PPP present lameass excuses for the simply outrageous activities of their leaders. But coming back to Junior Zardari, this is what he had to say:

If he (Asif Zardari) thought he could be more useful in Pakistan, I'm sure he would be there. 

By that logic Mr Zardari ought to stay away from Pakistan at all times, because let's face it; he's never going to be useful for Pakistan. I took my Uncle who's come from the UK to a relative's house, and I must admit that I was literally ashamed at what he had to see. The traffic mess on the roads, the rudeness, the poverty, the slumps and the naked people just sitting on the roads with gaunt faces waiting to be heard, and waiting to tell their stories. What must my Uncle have thought at the state of my country? There are so many crises at hand it actually seems surreal to imagine that the government can cope with them. The impressions that they are making certainly seem to reinforce my point of view.

While Mr Zardari poses for the cameras with his "bateesi" showing for all to see, one person is being displaced, dying, starving, crying, hurting every minute back in Pakistan (I was about to write home, but then I figured: What does home mean to Zardari? Not Pakistan). People are so disillusioned that they aren't even waiting for the government or the army to come to their aid. They're just doing everything that they possibly can themselves. In Kot Addu, people repaired a bridge by using stones and sticks only to see it being swept away. But then they just started rebuilding it again. These are real Pakistanis, demonstrating the Pakistani spirit.

Since our politicians will never be mature enough to understand the subtleties of calamities and miseries, the political enigmas have been exposed from head to toe. Salman Taseer couldn't shut his I-told-you-so face when he said Kalabagh dam is the need of the hour. No sir, it is not the need of the hour. The need of the hour is for you to shut up and mind your own goddam business which is worth millions of dollars. And this reminds me, if these people (Zardari, Sharif, Qureshi, Gilani, Taseer etc) were to donate just 0.05% of their wealth to the relief activities, this country would be in a much better state. But alas, no one really cares about the non-people. Nawaz Sharif continues to go on photo-op sessions with nice backgrounds being found in the flood devastated areas and the ghosts of human flesh acting as A-Class props. Yusuf Raza Gilani is way to busy in electioneering to pay any real attention to the catastrophe at hand. Zardari is busy trying to show his teeth to the world media and gloating about how the PPP trumped the PML-N in the recent by-polls. The Punjabi MPAs turn out to be the most selfish among all by refusing to donate a one-month salary to the CM's relief camp.

You deserve this Mr President. (Source: Dawn.com)

So there you have it. One Pakistani's tirade and rant at the outrageous situation in his beloved country. What did we do to deserve this? What did those poor people do to deserve this? What did we do to have Zardari gloat at us from the UK? What did we do? Rumors are abound that some person threw two shoes at Zardari. If that is true then I, as a Pakistani salute whoever you brave sir are, and I want to let you know that you have given a tiny sense of adulation to the 15 million lives tormented and ravaged by the floods.

There is so much more to say and so much more to share. But how do I go on? I just don't have any words. I have no words. 

NOTE: You can donate Rs 10 by sending an SMS to 2471. Express Tribune's effort. 

David Cameron’s Antagonism

British Prime Minister David Cameron. (Source: Dawn.com)

David Cameron appears to be a loose cannon. I mean, after his remarks castigating Pakistan were broadcast to the world, one got the feeling that David Cameron doesn’t really think things true. For one, the venue (India) of the statement wasn’t very graceful. And secondly, the remarks themselves are not very polite. They are extremely demeaning and very blunt.

Maybe David Cameron doesn’t know but the fact is that despite whatever the ISI may or may not have done, or been involved with, it is a strategic pillar of Pakistan and it will remain so. Another important thing that David Cameron appears to be unaware of is the fact that Pakistan has lost 3021 citizens alone in 2009. That is more deaths, in a single year, than the entire British army has suffered in Iraq and Afghanistan combined, since 2001. But now since the British Prime Minister was stupid enough to isolate Pakistan and infuriate it with his senseless remarks, might I remind him that his country is responsible for a lot of things that seem to be going wrong with our country today. For one, the lack of progress made by the Royal Army in Afghanistan is directly resulting in more terrorists crossing the border into Pakistan every day, thereby endangering Pakistani lives. But I suppose according to David Cameron, the only precious lives are sitting back home in the UK. 

The British Prime Minister’s insistence that Pakistan exports terrorism is fundamentally flawed. Let’s rewind to the London train bombings. All the actors in the event were British citizens. Does it not reflect poorly on the part of the MI5 and MI6? But I suppose it’s ok for them to be asleep and do nothing, and dream while British citizens plot against their own country, so long as the ISI is doing “the job that it is supposed to do”.

Maybe David Cameron was just trying to be a hero to the people back home, and in India. Well to be honest, that stunt has really gone well. Also, it has exposed the shoddiness of David Cameron. He is new to politics; maybe he should’ve waited for the intelligence brief by the MI5 and MI6 before lambasting Islamabad by suggesting it looks “both ways” in Afghanistan. Countries the world over are duty bound to protect their interests in the world, by hook or crook. This does not mean that I endorse what the ISI may or may not have done, but the simple fact remains that those trying to teach morality to us should look at themselves before lecturing us. The UK is complicit in the murder of thousands of Iraqis and Afghanis. It is complicit in making extremists out of ordinary peace loving people. What more do they expect us to do then? We are already trying to clean up their mess; YOUR mess, David Cameron.

David Miliband has already called the remarks of David Cameron unprofessional and uncalled for. And the Pakistani Ambassador to the UK, Wajid Shamsul Hasan has stated that these remarks are “an immature reaction, from an immature politician.” It is finally good to see that the Pakistani state is finally finding the guts to speak its mind. May God give it the strength to keep it up. Which reminds me, General Ahmed Shuja Pasha, the Chief of ISI has decided to cancel his visit to the UK in protest over the simply idiotic remarks by the British premier. On the other hand, our President appears to pay no heed to what the nation demands of him. Geo TV has already produced an estimate of the expenses to be incurred on his five day stay in the UK. May God give him some shame and give him the will power to instead spend the crores to be divested on his trip, on the poor people who have lost everything that they had collected bit by bit, in the floods and rains.