The death of Pervez Musharraf

Pervez Musharraf

This is not a eulogy. I grew up in the era of Musharraf. I was a teenager, living in a privileged bubble watching as the country flush with American dollars boomed; metaphorically and literally. Pakistan had recently discovered the concept of marking up land values, and the terrorists had discovered that you can brainwash young men and women to blow themselves up. And such was my existence. The closest I’ve come to this boom was when my family migrated from a trusty old Suzuki Khyber, to the status symbol of the newly minted middle class, the Corolla GLi; and when the parade lane suicide bombing took away the lives of friends and people I had known; and that one time when I luckily missed being caught in the middle of a suicide bombing by 15 minutes (the attack on the then Surgeon General of Pakistan, Lt Gen Mushtaq Ahmed Baig).

I remember Musharraf’s fists of power in the air as he was informed of the carnage that unfolded in Karachi. And I remember when he said Pakistan has now embarked on an era of enlightened moderation. Privilege has this uncanny habit of making you blind to the pain, misery and suffering that surrounds you. Because it doesn’t affect you and bother you. It affects and bothers others. And who cares about others when you’re privileged?

It was only later that I recognized what a poisonous and treasonous snake the man who had said “Pakistan first!” actually was. Because if he had actually put Pakistan first, he wouldn’t have tried to play with its destiny like a man flipping a house for quick money does. Selling people for dollars to satiate the American appetite of goriness; filling the country and its institutions with holier than thou army officers who had no business or knowledge running those institutions; repurposing the law of the land and landing jiujitsu chops on it to make himself the tall and high lord of the country. I believe he thought he was doing the right thing. I believe he thought he knew what Pakistan needed, and I believe he thought he knew how to do it. Back then there were only 140 million of us, and the sad reality is that one man, no matter how perfect (let alone a treasonous snake), cannot, will not and has not ever been able to fix the mess. If it takes a village to raise a child, you can bet it was going to take a lot more people than one Pervez Musharraf to raise Pakistan.

But perhaps the most iconic and stunning blunder of his era — and the example that perfectly encapsulates that he believed himself to be the Napoleon Bonaparte of our times — was before he booted Nawaz Sharif from office. It was the wild, incomprehensible idea to turn the Line of Control into an active war zone. There was no need for that. Absolutely none. But Musharraf’s stupidity was such that he decided to take Kargil by himself; without informing his Prime Minister, without informing his own corps commanders, or the services chiefs of the branches of our military. We saw this film play out before, in 1965. When another tiny IQ man fancying himself as the liberator of Kashmir didn’t inform the Air Force of his folly to invade Kashmir. Anyway, the Indian response to Musharraf’s wet dream was swift, dramatic, and intense. It got so bad, that the same chief who had decided he would take Kargil and kill India’s aspirations of ever accessing Kashmir again, had to publicly deny that the soldiers who’s dead bodies were freezing in the mountains of Kargil were his. The shamelessness of it all should’ve made Musharraf rethink his rhetoric, but a narcissist never questions his antics. He only finds blame. It was the Indian Army that buried the men Musharraf had sent in to take Kashmir from them.

Musharraf was a larger than life personality. But he was a dictator who thought he knew better, just like the narcissists before him, and the narcissists after him. Just like all his predecessors and his successors, he too sought to place blame on anyone but himself. But history is not kind to those who are immoral and unprincipled. Because ultimately, the populist rhetoric wears off and the only thing left is you, your morality, your humanity, and your principles. And when the whole basis of your legacy is based on subversion, abrogation and treason, you cannot hope to be remembered fondly.

Farewell Musharraf. 

If Musharraf's a traitor, then Nawaz Sharif isn't that far behind either

Nawaz Sharif and Pervez Musharraf when they were best pals

Khawaja Saad Rafique is a man of many words. Recently, he said:

"There is no doubt that Musharraf is a traitor; he is Pakistan's worst offender."

Technically Musharraf is a traitor. He subverted the constitution of Pakistan for personal gain. But is he Pakistan's worst offender? Well Khawaja saab needs to get a neuro-exam so that he doesn't continue to spout off such utter nonsense.

I have always believed that Musharraf needs to be held accountable for his mistakes. There is no doubting the fact. But I have also always maintained that those baying for his blood need to be held accountable for their actions too. Nawaz Sharif for example lied to the people of Pakistan about his "deal" with Musharraf. Let's go back. His goons trashed the Supreme Court of Pakistan. Actions do indeed speak louder than words. Let's rewind up a bit more. Nawaz Sharif got into bed with Zia-ul-Haq, the madman who slaughtered Pakistan for his hypocritical gains. Maybe Nawaz Sharif needs to be brought to book as well. I mean, when we're calling one person a traitor based on certain parameters, those parameters need to be applied across the board, right?

The hypocrisy needs to stop. If Musharraf's head is rolled, then I suggest everybody else who's responsible for fucking Pakistan up from 1947 also gets the same treatment. If the law is to be applied, it should be applied equally. This selective amnesia that everybody seems to have needs to be checked.

Musharraf's wealth explained

Pervez Musharraf

65 crores. That's the value of assets declared by Pervez Musharraf in his nomination papers submitted to the election commission of Pakistan. He also has not paid any tax in the last 3 years to the government of Pakistan. Several questions have been raised about the source of Musharraf's funds (which he did not mention) and why he did not pay any taxes.

Let's discuss those questions.

How did Musharraf end up making so much money when he was in fact a government subordinate and retired with not much (relatively) money? The answer to that would be that since his self imposed exile, Musharraf has gone on various international lecture series and tours. The average compensation for one lecture is $100,000 (that's almost 1 crore rupees, give or take). Now in the past 4 years if Musharraf has even done 25 lectures, that means he's earned 25 crores. Assuming he is an educated man and is not overly stupid, he must have (and he did indeed) made a lot of investments which have returned handsome profits to him. So where he got his money should be clear for all to see.

Now the second question, why didn't he pay any taxes? Well according to the Pakistan tax rules, residents of Pakistan earning income abroad are not liable to pay taxes on that income within Pakistan. The Pakistani tax rules assume that because Pakistanis send valuable foreign exchange to Pakistan, it is more than enough to not double charge them (unlike the United States of America, where foreign income is tax deductible). Hence, Musharraf did not pay any income taxes for the last three years he was not in Pakistan. The pension he gets already is tax deducted (income tax is deducted at source) and while we do not know why he did not pay any property taxes (maybe the properties are not in his name? Maybe he did pay the taxes through a proxy that don't appear in his name? Maybe he is indeed, a tax defaulter?) we can be reasonably sure that the money he did make is indeed legitimate.

And finally there's the biggest question of them all, one that doesn't even concern Musharraf. What about the other so called "sadiq" and "ameen" (pious and pure) politicians of Pakistan? The one's who are known to be inherently corrupt? For example Nawaz Sharif says he owns only 1.5 crore rupees in assets (maybe he forgot the 600 crore Raiwind estate he lives in is not his own?) while Zardari says he only owns 1.8 crore rupees (of course he also forgot he owns palaces in France, Dubai and God knows where else). And then there's the cherry on top of the cake, Hamza Shahbaz Sharif who says that he doesn't even own a Suzuki Mehran.

Let's take a moment to reflect on this. These gentlemen who claim that they have next to nothing travel in cars that cost around 6 - 7 crore each. They live in palaces that cost hundreds of crores. And they live a lifestyle that is simply not possible on the meager "incomes" that they declare. So my question is this, do you finger pointers not think before you open your mouths to make allegations?

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

I've just finished reading Irfan Hussain's article in today's Dawn. Normally I hold great respect for the man, but on certain fundamental points (like Pakistan's sovereignty for instance) I disagree with him to the extent of no reconciliation. His musings in today's newspaper fall in the latter category for me.

Irfan Hussain has benignly accused the government of being incapable of growing a pair when its required. Instead he accuses the government of hiding behind a facade, a mummer's farce if you will, so that it doesn't have to deal with the ugly realities of life. But on what points one may ask? Well on the point of the USA and its demonic stance of droning over Pakistan. Now I am all for these drone attacks because as we've seen they were an excellent way of killing Behtullah Mehsud and several others of his ilk. Unfortunately after this point is where I begin to differ significantly with Irfan Hussain. While he believes the government shouldn't have put the matter of the NATO supply routes before the parliament, I believe that's one of the democratic things this government has done.

Let me explain. Irfan Hussain says that because the government has decided to take this matter to the Parliament, it will be unable to maneuver around and show flexibility when the need arises to take some drastic measures as the people, and everybody in the Parliament will cause an uproar about how the will of the people wasn't taken into account. Essentially, Irfan Hussain is advocating that the government behave in a totally autocratic manner and take unilateral decisions which in essence amounts to licking the US of A's ass. Now I don't know from where he's getting these notions because if I remember correctly, he used to take very strong objection when this government or the previous government used to by pass Parliament in taking foreign policy level decision. Isn't this why he was always on Musharraf's case all the time? Well to really hit the nail on the head, isn't this extremely hypocritical?

While the thought of Pakistan licking USA's ass might get Irfan Hussain off, other self respecting Pakistani citizens such as myself realize that while it may be next to impossible to break the shackles of slavery vis-a-vis the USA, there needs to be a starting point.  The government's decision to involve the Parliament in the decision making process is 100% correct. The Parliament symbolizes the will of the people. Unfortunately for Irfan Hussain that will currently states that the USA can go to hell (but he needn't worry; our government isn't yet strong enough to say that to the USA, and probably never will be). In addition, by involving the Parliament the government is doing the legitimate and right thing. It is standing by its institutions. This also sets a precedent where all future significant foreign policy designs and ventures will be executed by the majority of the elected representatives leading up to across the board accountability.

Now Irfan Hussain can shimmy up to the USA all that he wants but let's get one thing clear. In a democracy, the majority needs to agree and be on board so that if God forbid things start to unravel, they can be patched up quickly. If the government does take a unilateral action, it will simply lose all credibility with the masses and then we would be forced to ask the question, why did we ever kick Musharraf out of the picture anyway because as I recall, he was really good at this doing-things-my-own-damn-way thing?

Stay in your limits, general

Can't say anything to the military, that's treason; can't say anything to the judiciary, that's contempt of court; can't say anything to the Mullahs, that's blasphemy; but the Prime Minister, President and Parliament, let's lynch them because it is our democratic right.

Or so read the Facebook statuses of thousands of Pakistanis. And apparently also on Twitter. So why is everybody being so queasy about treason and contempt of court and blasphemy? Well that's because the lot of Pakistanis with some common sense and rationality are increasingly being cornered with no way.

PM Gilani in an interview to a Chinese daily hinted that the replies filed by the Chief of Army Staff General Kayani and the Director General ISI General Pasha were unconstitutional and held no legal merit. He of course forgot that they were both respondents who were served notices by the court directly and then had to reply to the court with or without Gilani's approval.

Now we know that Gilani is not a very clever man and doesn't think things through properly. But we have been led to believe like the little black sheep who only bleat and follow whatever comes in their way, that Kayani is super perfect and that he has Kim Jong Il type powers of awesomeness. In addition we have also been told rather repeatedly that because Kayani is so perfect, he can never do any wrong. Oh how sorry were we.

You see in response to Gilani's rather stupid hinting capabilities, Kayani hit back at the "civilian democracy" in the place where it hurts the most. Kayani via an army statement said that Gilani's statement could have "serious ramifications" for Pakistan. But hold your horses! He further goes onto threaten the civilian baddies with "potential grievous consequences for the country."

As a citizen of this poor, shunned, brow beaten shell of a country that this once was, I stand hurt and well mighty damn angry. How dare Kayani who is nothing more than a grade 22 officer threaten the democratic institutions of Pakistan? Who does he think he is? Does he think he is God (naaoozubillah)? Does he have a magic wand that he will wave and make the problems of Pakistan go away? Oh wait. That can't be it because he was asleep in his king size bed at home when Pakistan's sovereignty was raped for 2 whole goddamn hours on May the 2nd!

It pains me, disgusts me and shames me that even now there are people in this country who support a martial law imposition; who think Kayani coming to the helm of affairs will fix everything. Well let me just bust your bubble: It will not. The favourite argument of these self professed cleansers of Pakistan is that because Zardari is corrupt, he has done corruption. Because he has done corruption, his whole party has done corruption. Because PPP has done corruption, the army needs to come to fix everything. Wrong!

So Zardari is corrupt and Gilani is stupid and Firdaus Ashiq Awan is an affront to the intelligence of women, the fact of the matter is they are only criticised because there are no "ramifications". Because criticizing them will not land you in jail, or your deathbed. Let's talk about another type of corruption today shall we?

Rs 800 billion was allotted to the army last year. Rs 800 billion. Now let's recount what took place last year. First there were the drone attacks. But it turns out Kayani was hand in glove with the Americans on that one. Let's all laugh about how stupid we all were for thinking the army was defending the frontier while in fact they were the ones providing spot locations for drone attacks. And lest you forget I'm all for drone strikes to wipe out militants. I'm just amazed at the sheer hypocrisy of those (read: army) who proclaim that the Americans will not be allowed to toy with our sovereignty. What sovereignty do they talk about? But I digress. Then came May the 2nd. A day that will forever go down in history as being the day when Pakistan lost all morality in the comity of nations. Why didn't our army defend us? Why didn't our Air force defend us? Why didn't the army shoot down the raiding American helicopters while they fluttered about in Pakistani airspace for two hours? Why didn't the army take action when all the action could in fact have been live from the Pakistan Military Academy? Why? And when the civilian baddies tried to fix that (via the Memogate, wrong method but correct intentions) the army just got pissed. What about the navy base attack? When 4 "Star Trek" characters set a whole base on fire and laid siege to it for 16 hours. How incompetent is our army? Even with Rs 800 billion a year in its pockets. And they talk about defeating India in war when can't even defend their own shoddy selves. Why does no one talk about this corruption?

And lest we forget, yes Kayani is the rat bastard who is responsible for putting this country under the water and making it sink. Now he trespasses the halls of morality but let me jog your memory. In 2007 Musharraf wanted an NRO with Benazir Bhutto. He sent his DG ISI to draft an agreement and get it signed. That agreement was called NRO. And who was that DG ISI, the architect of that agreement? Why yes it was Kayani. Who rules this country behind the facade of Gilani and Zardari? Why it's Kayani. And who has burnt this country down and sold it to the dogs? Why yes, it is indeed Kayani.

I don't have a problem with the army, or the soldiers who stand day and night watching these insolent generals who have nothing better to do than to fart all over the destiny of Pakistan. I have a problem with the generals. Making Kayani the chief executive will be the final nail in the Pakistan's coffin. Let's make that clear.

So how do we go about sorting through this mess? By letting the PPP complete its 5 years in power. You see we have now seen how inept the PPP has been in power. In the next elections people like me who have never voted before, are going to vote it out of power and vote somebody better in its place and so on and so forth. But instead if Kayani comes to the helm, well then bye bye Pakistan. You were truly loved and you will sorely be missed.

By linking the performance of the governments to the voting process and by empowering the common people, in only 20 years' time this country will be a much, much better place than it is today. People themselves will see how democracy is a million times better than the army mounting coups. Kayani should not sully the good name of all those nameless soldiers who have died, who stand upright during the night to protect his highness, and who when the time comes become brothers to those Pakistanis who need them. Kayani would be well advised to keep his fantasies to his self. Kayani should stay within his limits.

Will Manmohan Singh's cricket diplomacy work?

If history is a marker to judge the future by, then the answer is a definite no. But if you, like me, believe that the future is as unpredictable as the toss that will decide who bats or bowls first in Mohali, then the answer simply is: We don't know whether cricket diplomacy will work or not.

It is indeed a commendable step to invite over Zardari and Gilani to try to kick start a stalled dialogue process. And it will also give Singh a chance to escape the heat of the local issues plaguing his government such as the allegations of graft.

Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh

While there is no doubt that cricket itself stands to gain from the encounter between India and Pakistan on Wednesday, the diplomacy appears uncertain at best. Below are some of the incidents from history that show why cricket diplomacy has been a non-starter.

1. In 1987 Zia ul Haq visited Jaipur to witness a match between India and Pakistan which marked the resumption of cricketing ties between the two countries after 17 years of suspension. However, two years later in 1989 the freedom struggle in Kashmir blew out of proportion and the two countries were back to square zero.

2. In March of 2004 the Indian cricket team visited Pakistan for a series ending a 10 year drought. They were accompanied by Rahul and Priyanka Gandhi. India's national security advisor at that time Brajesh Mishra also showed up at the Lahore fixture of the series. He was the one who had designed the declaration of Islamabad in which it was claimed that Musharraf had promised no part of Pakistan would be used for terror activities against India. But that claim was short lived as by the very next year, India was accusing Pakistan of harbouring ill-intentions.

3. In 2005 Musharraf went to India to watch the Pakistani team play in India. Manmohan Singh also watched the match and they both issued a joint statement stating that the "peace process between the two was irreversible". However in 2007 with Musharraf's exit in place, Pakistan and India's future prospects of thrashing out issues appeared bleak at best.

4. In 2009 Gilani and Singh issued another joint statement from Sharm al Sheikh in Egypt pledging to restart the stalled process. However by now it had become apparent that after the 2008 Mumbai attacks, India's distrust of Pakistan was at its peak, and Manmohan Singh did not have the support to initiate in any meaningful dialogue to improve ties with Pakistan. The Wikileaks cables showed that.

A clearer picture will emerge after 28th March when the home secretaries' from both sides meet to try to negotiate about the resumption of talks. Till then, Manmohan Singh can only hope for the best till he meets the Pakistani leaders at Mohali.

Shocking facts about Pakistani income taxpayers

Sad but true. The rich get richer, the poor poorer. And
ironically, the poor get to pay the most.

Shocking revelations keep occurring in the Pakistani press. For example today it has been revealed that out of a population of almost 17 – 18 crore (170 – 180 million) people in Pakistan, only 17 lakhs (1.7 million) are registered income tax payers. Surprising?

But it goes deeper than this. According to the report published in the daily Dawn today, it has been alleged by the FBR (Federal Board of Revenue) that 16 lakhs (1.6 million) of the registered 17 lakhs (1.7 million) people pay only Rs 21000 as annual income tax. Why do they pay so less you may ask? Well that would be because they earn less than Rs 500,000 a year. Now let’s put all of this into context shall we?

Fact 1:

Pakistan’s total population – 170 million to 180 million (approx.)

Fact 2:

Pakistan’s registered income tax payers – 1.7 million

Fact 3:

Pakistan’s income tax payers paying Rs 21000 as annual income tax – 1.6 million

Fact 4:

The highest amount of income tax paid last year (2010) was Rs 50 lakhs (5 million)

In light of these facts, we can make some startling conclusions. To begin with, are only 1.7 million people out of 180 million earning any income in Pakistan? Seriously? Next, why is it that just 0.1 million or 1 lakh people in Pakistan earn more than Rs 500,000 in a year? That is just...mind numbing.

The Rs 50 lakhs, that the highest income earners paid is less than what it costs to buy a Land Cruiser. In fact, it is 1 crore less and there are only 526 people who declared that their tax amounts up to Rs 50 lakhs and who actually paid that amount. Astonishing isn’t it?

What am I supposed to say in front of these facts and figures? Words simply fail to register the magnitude of the disastrous state of our economy. Do I blame Zardari and Nawaz Sharif? Do I blame the government or the army? Or do I blame myself and the Pakistani population for being so selfish and self centred?

The 1.6 million people out of the 1.7 million who pay taxes contributed only Rs 87.662 billion to the national exchequer. These 1.6 million people belong to the lowest bracket of income tax payers. On the other hand, the top bracket of the income tax payers contributed Rs 286.023 billion to the national exchequer. Ironically, the collection of income tax from only the top 1706 taxpayers resulted in such a huge amount of money.

It is no wonder that the world governments, financial institutions, NGOs and what not keep repeating the mantra of Pakistan needs to help itself. The irony is that the Pakistani people don’t want to help themselves; apparently they can help themselves quite easily, and then lead a very good life too but somehow paying taxes has never been the strong point of the Pakistani culture.

These stats and figures paint such a dreary picture of our state of affairs that it has left me shell shocked and unable to fully comprehend the magnitude of the damage that we as a nation have been inflicting on ourselves. Where will we go from here? What will we do next? Has our collective conscience truly deserted us or is this simply a phase?

Sadly, we don’t have any answers to any of the questions that anyone might have. We’re just products of denial. And we’re damn good at it.

Musharraf minces no words

After a long time, Pervez Musharraf has had a flash. A brilliant flash. He literally - literally - hammered this Indian journalist dude right on the head. Maybe he could do the same to Kamran Khan and Hamid Mir probably? Please?

Seeing Musharraf take on the media in such a strong fashion makes me wonder what in God's name was the PPP thinking of letting him leave Pakistan? They should've made him their foreign minister. He would've been so much better than that self declared 'Pir' Shah Mehmood Qureshi.

But even now, why isn't the PPP backing off? If it had any bit of patriotism (notice patriotism here means hatred for India), it should let Pervez Musharraf come back and lambast the Indians into smithereens with his awesome, macho talks. In fact, he should be hired as a motivational speaker for the Pakistan cricket team. That way, Pakistan will win the match without even having to play against their counterparts from across the border! And to be honest, watching Umar Gul and Sreesanth yell it out in the middle of the pitch is going to be much more entertaining than watching Sachin Tendulkar bat like the greatest batsman ever.

But Musharraf is more than mere words. You see anything, ANYTHING at all, even a donkey dry humping a buffalo for that matter, is going to be better than Rehman Malik, Babar Awan, Firdaus Ashiq Awan, Latif Khosa, Yusuf Raza Gilani etc. But Musharraf is a human. Now I know he did very terrible things in the land of the pure but he is - and the conviction in my heart cannot be stronger - better than the PPP. Of course choosing him is like choosing bad over the worse but that is indeed quite relevant and true.

Savour the old general's spicy remarks putting the Indian anchor in place. After all, that is the Pakistani nation's favourite time pass isn't it? Watching the Indians being bashed.

NOTE: This piece in no way means I hate India. It is sarcastic. So peace. And if you don't want peace, then go to your mom's house. I'm sure she'll give you cereal and that'll put a smile on your face. Bye bye now.

We want change, but we won't vote!

The morally legitimate election process is the only right
way to proceed. (Photo: Dawn.com)

I asked a friend at university today if she'll vote in the next general elections. Hers was a standard reply: No, votes don't make any difference in this country. I then proceeded to ask her if there was any politician she supported and she said she supported Imran Khan. I then asked her whether she cribs about how pathetic the government is, how corrupt Zardari is, and how wretched our whole system and she said yes; she does all of that. I then asked her who gave her the right to criticize the system when she couldn't be bothered to go and vote?  Who gave her the right to bash Zardari when she did not vote against him? Who gave her the right to crib and cringe when she couldn't be bothered to go out and vote for the change? That left her open-mouthed but she did manage to rebound by stating that Imran Khan did not take part in the 2008 elections or else she would've voted. Well kudos to Imran Khan for being the most emotional man on the planet for refusing to be a part of the electoral process.

This mentality that my friend exhibited permeates the mindset of every Pakistani. We expect everything to happen on its own, without even moving a muscle. The fact however is nothing happens that way. Flies come and rest on stuff that refuses to move or is unable to. Why do we blame the Pakistani nation which goes to vote for the feudal landlords, their tribal heads, or their caste members and elects them to the Parliament? They are the poor, naked, eager and sad people of this country. You offer them a morsel of food in exchange for a vote, and they take the deal without thinking about what the next day will bring. But we are the educated people of this country aren't we? Or so we claim. Why don't we go out and vote for the politicians we know will bring about a good change? Why is it that Imran Khan is so popular, yet he is the only ONE man who is elected to the Parliament from his entire political party?

Some days ago, a news appeared in the daily Dawn which stated that a nationwide survey by the students of LUMS had been conducted from approximately 1000 students (youth) of Pakistan. The astonishing point of interlocution however was that the study concluded that the youth of Pakistan wanted change in the form of midterm elections. Now I don't know how many of the students of Pakistan want a midterm election, but I am totally against the notion of midterm government change. Besides, if the results are true then this is a hypocritical notion from the outset. Change should only come through a proper political process, one that involves all the actors; not through the whims of the people who only sit on their asses all day long and crib.

Despite absolutely hating the present PPP government from the bottom of my heart, with its narcissistic leaders, and utterly stupid front men/women (Babar Awan, Firdaus Ashiq Awan, Fauzia Wahab), I still want it to complete its mandated term which is set to expire in 2013. Why do I want that? Well because I have a theory, and that theory says that in order for the infantile democracy of Pakistan to flourish, for accountability, answerability and responsibility on the part of the rulers to spread, and for the people of Pakistan to become aware of the power of their vote, it is necessary to let the wheel of democracy roll. If we don't do that, or if we allow a midterm governmental change, all the effort spent trying to oust a dictator will have been for nought. People will go on believing might is right; the policies that define the fate of Pakistan will continue to be moulded inside the hallowed walls of GHQ instead of the Parliament, and the national character of Pakistan will continue to be a living testament of utter revulsion.

Letting the government's ship sail adrift is the only way if we want a change for the better. Now I know there are people in this country who believe democracy is a farce, and the government in place is a Western agenda. These are also the people who believe in conspiracy theories, and who proclaim Pakistan is the most powerful country in the world. While these maybe noble sentiments, they are hardly cognizant of the realistic situation on the ground. The cogent area of defining the fates of the 170 million Pakistanis is to let the status quo prevail, no matter how fractured it may appear because that is the only way that will allow us to heal our wounds. You see once the people start realizing that the influence the stick wielders have over us is solely based on the basis of our votes, we will naturally gain the upper hand in this historical conundrum that Pakistan is faced with.

We've spent three years under this government, and only two are left. It needs to be given credit for holding out so long amidst a barrage of insinuations, mudslinging, allegations of corruption, nepotism and a general sense of abandonment of the country. With the WikiLeaks recent disclosures about how much the politicians of Pakistan bend over backwards and lust after power, let's add that to the list as well. But the important question is: How many of us are actually going to cast the votes that will eventually rid us of these baboons?

I’ve had enough

It was a conspiracy alright. (Photo: Bbc.co.uk)

The whole world is in turmoil. Apparently Wikileaks has caused every douche bag’s pants to go up in flames. But you see I don’t care. I’m sick of Wikileaks and its bean spilling capabilities. The fact of the matter is despite all these revelations, not a single thing is going to change in the political structure of and composition of this country. The Butts will vote for the Butts, the Gilanis for Gilanis, the Chaudhries for Chaudhries and so on and so forth. That’s a fact. Not only that, but despite showing how dependent they are on American life support, the politicians of this country will still rule the roost with impunity in this God forsaken land where common sense was the first casualty in the aftermath of the Objectives Resolution.

Why am I ranting you may wonder? Well because I’m sick and tired of all the political wrangling and the never ending charades that we have to put up with. Where the sons of the demigods roam the streets as if their daddies own the whole goddamn country, how does anyone expect the leaks to create even a mild difference? It is not the self declared demigods’ fault. It is the nation’s fault because we’re too lazy, and too busy being lazy to actually move our asses and do the much needed job of correcting ourselves. But that’s a tall order for us to fulfil isn’t it? Just thinking about it is making my head burst with pain and the really sad part is that no one seems to care how pathetic we as a nation have become.

The US does not define our destiny; we do. So get your head out of your ass and start using your brain. The US did not want the Chief Justice to be reinstated, but we did. And we did get him reinstated. There, right there is your myth of conspiratorial theories busted and burnt down to the ground. Get a life. People make fun of you when you say “conspiracy”. Blaming everything on the West and then to sit back and crib and cringe about it like a little girl won’t get us anywhere, as has been amply proven. You want to break the American hold? Move your ASS! We aspire and then claim to be a self serving sovereign nation. Well I’m surprised why none of us has had the gall to ring up the Saudis and tell them to mind their own goddamn business yet. Is it because they are our oh-so-best-Muslim-friends? Or is it because they are the second most influential force in this country after the American embassy?

But you know what? I don’t want to know the answer because it wouldn’t make any difference. We will go on lying around like useless pieces of scrap, while external forces in cahoots with the utterly shameless imbeciles who lord over us like black rain from the sky, write our destinies for us. Because that is what is convenient for us. There will be no revolution because revolution requires sacrifice. How many of us can even survive a paper cut to be able to say we want a revolution? It makes me sick. Double standards, hypocrisy, two-facedness are the striking highlights of our nation. You go to any parking stand and the toll collector will ask you for twenty rupees when the ticket says ten actually. You stop at any signal and policeman in commando fatigues will threaten you with his black cat moves and his shiny automatic weapon to get the hell out of the way of some douche’s horny son who needs to immediately get laid. You shoot him a dirty look and he shouts a stream of explicit expletives that will involve anyone from your mother, sister to uncle, aunt, father, grandfather etc. Basically, he will have abused your whole family tree.

And then there’s the contrast. The outhouses, the farmhouses, the multimillion rupees apartments in posh areas. And they all scream the same thing over and over and over again; no one cares. No one gives a rat’s freaking ass as to how the world ruins our country. No one cares how we ruin our country. No one cares how we deface and sully the name of Pakistan and in the process, muddy our own identity. It’s just gut wrenchingly sad. It’s pathetic. May God have just a tiny bit of mercy on us. Please God. You owe some of us that much because some of us actually care about Pakistan.  

Of Wikileaks, Zardari and the Pakistani nation

Oh Wikileaks, what have you done? (Photo: Dawn.com)

As the Wikileaks saga continues to gather steam, a lot of very serious question marks have been raised on the moral integrity of our politicians. Take the example of Maulana Fazl-ur-Rehman (who is nothing but a gigantic slur on the respected institution of Maulana) who reportedly told the American ambassador Anne Patterson that he expects the US’ help to become the country’s Prime Minister. I ask you. This is the man who wastes no time in lambasting the US, whose party expresses outright sympathy with the Taliban, and yet he has the gall to go to the American embassy and demand America’s help for his ego boosting maniacal deed. This is what I call the age of hypocrisy and Maulana Diesel is certainly leading the crowds.

Then there is the curious case of the Saudi King’s two faced interactions with the Americans. He wants them to bomb Iran and he calls Zardari an impediment to development. Now while this may be true, but I thought the call for the unity of the Muslim Ummah preceded personal difference and ideologues. Apparently, the Saudi royal family has decreed it doesn’t matter so long as petrodollars keep rolling into their palatial residences. Zardari is corrupt, and even if he isn’t, he hasn’t done anything to rectify his failing image. On the other hand Nawaz Sharif will be ruing the revelations in the Wikileaks cables too.

According to one cable, Nawaz Sharif thanked the US government via its ambassador for helping appoint Kayani as the Chief of Army Staff. It seems the Sharifs’ fascination with army and its generals knows no time boundaries or historical facts. The cables are also revealing in that the ruler of UAE stated that Nawaz Sharif is not a man who can be expected to keep his promises. Well, don’t we all know that already?

The Americans are all praise for Ashfaq Pervaiz Kayani and why shouldn’t they be? After all he is their principal man in the South Asian region. The government suffers from a huge trust deficit in the international arena and quite rightly so. According to the released documents, President Zardari is the most paranoid man on the planet. He reportedly told Joe Biden that he feared Ashfaq Kayani and the ISI will take him out. Now that’s just spilling the beans. Who would have known that the ISI and the army chief are larger than life beings in Pakistan?

But the story and I admit it’s quite an intriguing one, does not end here. Zardari also instructed his son, who I still hold does not fulfil the requirements of being called a Pakistani citizen, to appoint Zardari’s sister Faryal Talpur as President if he is assassinated. The badass oaf does indeed intend to run Pakistan like a familial enterprise. Besides, if he really is so scared about his life, why doesn’t he run off to his French chateau and let 170 million people of Pakistan breathe a sigh of relief? And just who gave the right to Bilawal Zardari to decide the future heads of state of Pakistan? It’s bone crunching sick.

Now I’m no supporter of Pervez Musharraf but like I’ve always said, Musharraf had widespread popularity in the international community along with cordial relations with everyone. That is why the Saudi King never said no to meet him unlike Zardari, who met him after “hectic diplomatic efforts” when he had anointed himself co-chairman of the PPP.

Pakistan is immersed in controversies galore as of now. With the leak of some 250,000 plus cables, Pakistan has once again come into the limelight for all the wrong reasons. It is highly shameful that a country that cannot provide basic amenities of life to its residents pretends to be the most powerful Muslim country in the world. It is time now to use our common sense and see we’re no better than a browbeaten country on the brink of disaster. With a credibility deficit due to our incumbent government, and a lack of self realization we really are facing the murky depths of doom. One wrong move will trigger this massive slide until we reach the bottom of the pit, and only God knows how, when and if, we’ll ever get back out.

Wikileaks burns down diplomacy

Wikileaks has forced diplomatic channels to buzz up
around the world. (Photo: Beehivecity.com)

The Wikileaks leaking papers are all over the news. The one thing that must’ve hit Zardari in the heart, and will have forced Baray Mian Sharif to float in the air is the Saudi King’s proclamation that Zardari is the biggest impediment to Pakistan’s progress. Be that as it may, but who gave the right to Khadim-ul-Harmain-Sharifain to put his long nose in matters that are privy to a foreign country? Now I know the moral brigade will awake from its slumber and curse me for using such derogatory language against the King of Saudi Arabia; but why? Why is it so painful for all when the West says the same things for example?

Before the people force me on my way upwards with their stone throwing, I would like to tell them a little story that went on at this year’s Haj. Apparently, the Saudi government itself has decided some Muslims are more equal than others when it comes to performing Haj. We all know how corrupt our government is; there is no denying the fact. But did you know that the multimillion dollar monorail that has been built to facilitate pilgrims in their movement from Makkah to Muzdalifah and Mina is only open for use by the Saudis? And to the Arabs from next year. Not the “highly respected” Muslim brethren from the Citadel of Islam itself.

So here’s the deal: When the Saudi government treats us as if we’re sewer rats swarming around in their gutters, why can’t we at least maintain a bit of self respect and self dignity and tell the Saudis to mind their own business? After all there are always calls from the “patriotic” Pakistanis to tell the US to mind its own business and quite rightly so, but why the hypocrisy then?

And not only that, but the Saudi King is also reported to have urged the United States to attack Iran and bring down its nuclear facilities. Now why such aversion to a fellow Muslim country, that has never harboured any ill-wishes towards the land of the Prophet (SAW)? This whole attitude smacks of debauchery and ill will on part of one of the most respected Muslim countries in the Muslim Diaspora.

Despite stern criticism from around the globe for the leaks that were made available to the New York Times daily and The Guardian daily in London, Wikileaks has refused to back off. In a way they are right too, because this is a form of doing a perverted justice to those who refuse to be held accountable.

Anyway, Israel certainly regards Pakistan as a hotspot as Wikileaks pointed out with its released documents. According to Ehud Barak the President of Israel, Pakistan is a “private nightmare”. Also, there is a strong fear amongst the Israeli intelligence that if Pakistan were to fall into militant hands, Israel’s survival would be at stake. There was also consensus that Musharraf had to be kept in power. This ought to cheer the neo-cons amongst us who use Israel as an excuse for every wrong in the world. Their mission has been partially accomplished by the declassification of the leaked cables emanating from the Presidential suite in Tel Aviv.

There is so much more to write but I really must get a move on. Wikileaks or no Wikileaks, we have problems that need to be sorted out. It shouldn’t take the declassification of 250,000 documents to force us into action. A bit of self introspection incidentally, would help us go a long way in helping us to revive our long forgotten gracious image. 

The average Pakistanis

(Photo: Independence.teabreak.pk)

The hunkering politicians of Pakistan have lost it. They are going nuts over everything that doesn’t even come into the daily agenda of the average Pakistani. I’ll give you an example of what Hanif Abbasi was shouting on TV today: Anyone who supports Musharraf or is his friend, the people of Pakistan will eat him alive!

I have just one question to ask of the new chaperone of the PML – Nawaz, who in God’s name cares who Musharraf’s friend is or isn’t? When the Nawaz party isn’t bashing Musharraf, they’re giving pernicious statements against the government which is detrimental to all the stakeholders in Pakistan aka the poor “awam”. And if they aren’t busy swooning over the magical re-growth of the Sharifs’ hair, they are busy legislating on issues such as Hindu cartoons are corrupting our youth and children. Touché gentlemen, touché!

If you leave the PML – N alone for a while, you will find that the PPP is up in arms throwing tantrums against all and sundry. Sometimes it is against other political parties, other times it is against its political allies. Still other times, they’re busy throwing tantrums against the myriad corruption that we find ourselves in. And yet, the PPP tells its government officers to boycott Transparency International because it’s a bad kid, and mommy has forbidden them to play with bad kids. While they acknowledge they are corrupt, they really don’t want to do anything about it.

If the two largest political parties of this country could get their heads out of their asses for a change, a lot of important things would fall into place. We would have a government that actually worked for instance; and the lives of the average Pakistanis would register a surprising positivity, which seems absolutely impossible in the current scenario.

Life is sad. Life was always sad, but this, right now is just agonizing. Sugar isn’t available anywhere for less than a hundred rupees; parents cry in despair over the raped bodies of their little kids; and quacks pretend to be doctors and end up murdering innocent people who dared to fall ill. The lawyers protest after beating media personnel, and the army pretends to be the god of Pakistan. The flood stricken people live life as if hell has come upon them in this lifetime while the donors willing to help Pakistan keep castigating the government to mend its ways. The rich simply refuse to pay taxes while the poor are forced to pay for the sins of the rich. In all this commotion and hullabaloo one never gets to know the plight of the average Pakistani who suffers, as he used to, and will continue to do so.

While the government busies itself over petty issues, it doesn’t fire known corrupt officials and ministers because that would mean it isn’t the PPP anymore. And yet, they fight over Musharraf as if there is no bigger malady facing this nation than his sorry self.

The PPP has no answer when it is asked about the 230 MW electricity producing ship that will supply power to the residents of Karachi at a whopping Rs 15.66 per unit; it also has no answer when it is asked to comment on the 19500 MW of energy production capacity available in Pakistan. But nobody talks about that, because talking about it would mean talking about an issue that relates directly to the average Pakistanis.

In the angst of living life in misery under the government of Pakistan, with people of varying degrees of mental calibres comparable to monkeys and rats ruling over us, it has befallen this calamity struck nation to fend for its own self. Let God be my witness today, for I refuse to be a part of the blood sucking, leeching process that has been initiated against the average Pakistanis; because it is the average Pakistanis who make us all proud of being Pakistanis in the first place.

Why Musharraf is so right

Pervez Musharraf. (Photo: Dawn.com)

Pervez Musharraf is the former dictator of Pakistan. Now normally, we all hate dictators. We abhor them and think of them as despicable scum. But for some odd reason, Musharraf hasn’t met the same fate. If his Facebook fan following is indicative of any notions, then I feel he has risen from the ashes, no less.

Where Imran Khan goes wrong

Charismatic personality, but that's about it. (Photo:
Dawn.com)

I am supposed to be doing my consumer behavior project right now, but instead, I’m much busy (and actually interested) in writing this post. I was reading an op-ed by Mehreen Khan on Tribune.com.pk in which she has quite clearly stated why Imran Khan would’ve been much better off had he stuck to philanthropy alone.

Why politicians jitter at the thought of Musharraf’s return

Pervez Musharraf is the former military ruler of Pakistan. He wasn’t a politician, he was a general. By his own admission in his autobiography, he wasn’t exactly a servile officer. But then, that’s the kind of character you want in a man who has to get down and do the dirty business of taking tough decisions. Day after day, I seem to be moving towards an increasingly pro Musharraf stance because he charms better than Nawaz Sharif, is more articulate when need be than Benazir Bhutto, and is utterly brutal and savage when time calls for it.

This is the reason why politicians have started shuddering at the thought of Musharraf coming back to Pakistan. Sure the people at the bottom of the social spectrum will hate him and will spit every time his name is mentioned because they have always been downtrodden and Musharraf did not help them just like all the other rulers. But the urban middle class, the major stakeholders in the country’s affairs were affected by his policies. This is the reason why Musharraf continues to draw support everyday across the whole spectrum of politically inclined sages from the Pakistan’s middle class.

He represents change, and perhaps is the only viable alternative available to the majority against the current ruling elite both at the center and at the provincial level. Pervez Musharraf does not hide behind a façade of fake morality or words. Just listen to how he has responded to Talal Bugti. I can bet for sure that had it been Zardari or Nawaz Sharif, they would’ve chickened out and let their henchmen do the talking and then made a deal with Bugti himself. But I suppose that is why they’re politicians.

I also read up on Musharraf’s party’s manifesto. His party’s manifesto, quite unlike other parties’ manifestos states the problems, and then states their solutions. There is no use of fancy, flashy words and there are no fake promises. Unlike the PPP, Musharraf’s party actually explains how they will get “Rotti, Kapra aur Makaan.”

But then, there are certain aspects of Musharraf’s behavior and past that simply cannot be ignored. He subverted the constitution when it suited him, and he let 42 people die in Karachi because of his ego. He made the judiciary a laughing stock and he paralyzed the media when it went against him. So how do you trust such a man to do the right thing? The answer is you don’t. Rather, you expect him to come up with brilliant points to counter your arguments. Musharraf does that with blinding ferocity, and pinpoint precision.

He is also a shrewd man and that is why he has been such a sensational hit with all the urban Pakistanis. His image comes across as cool, hip and modern whereas the the PML – N and the PPP come across as lethargic, corrupt and arrogant idiots. Choosing between the two sides in this political enigma is fairly easy. To quote an old man:

It’s not about the facts; it’s about what you can prove. It’s not about your personality; it’s about your image perception.

On those counts Musharraf fares admirably. So does this mean I drop my demand for him to be tried in court for treason? Well, no. But I do expect him to go inside the court, and rip it to pieces with his cool arguments and his awesome statements.

This is the reason why we need democracy to flourish, because it gives a person like Musharraf (who appears to genuinely care about the crises engulfing Pakistan) a fighting chance to make a difference. After all, we have been decrying that the 335,000 plus fan following he’s got on Facebook is hogwash. But if these 335,000 urban, educated, middle class, people go out to vote for Musharraf’s party in the elections, then these hogwash Facebook fans will have changed the course of Pakistan’s history.