May 16, 2011

Bin Laden you naughty, naughty boy!

OBL was in fact very tech savvy. Hmm.
After 10 days of not blogging about OBL (because I couldn't care less, and because our "Higher Command" has ensured that I will hang my head in shame no matter what), I have decided to defecate on whatever respect OBL has had left.

Some people say he has no respect, but rather he's left behind a legacy. Well now I don't know about that but I sure as hell know he left behind 3 wives one of whom took a bullet in the leg for him - not in the heart though dear readers, please note. Guesses for why she didn't are only as good as the White House would let them be, but some of us mere mortals (with too much free time on our hands) can connect the dots ourselves. We don't need NSA to do that for us.

Porn was found stashed in OBL's Abbotabad house. According to the details which keep leaking out (I wonder why don't they just tell us everything in the first place? It would make life much easier for everyone) the pornography "consists of modern, electronically recorded video and is fairly extensive". Well now isn't that just charming?

So like I was saying before, bin Laden's wife did not take a bullet in the heart for him. The reason? Well any average schmuk can tell she had found bin Laden's porn stash. Not only was she having to share the old man with two other women, but also with the likes of pornography on DVD. That is just sick.

People on the very famous "liberal" newspaper the Express Tribune's website have poked fun at bin Laden for hiding porn in his house. Their reasons have varied between "he was after all a mortal" to "Osama was into freak stuff" to "he was actually preparing himself for the hereafter where he will get more than what he had on planet earth".

Whatever the case maybe, bin Laden proved in death he was a very modern liberal terrorist. Maybe the US can take that as a cue that all Muslims are in fact extremely liberal, and the only reason they like to play with guns is because the US has companies which make games like Medal of Honour and Call of Duty in which they're always killing harmless Muslims. Since in single player missions it is impossible to play the mission as Afghan Taliban or the Iraqi insurgents, they are left with no choice but to retaliate in the real world in real time.

Now you may argue that they can play whatever side they like in multiplayer missions but then you'll forget what OBL had wanted you to remember: Al-Qaeda and its ilk do not know how to play games on the internet and hence, there was no internet connection in bin Laden's hideout.

There. I've just solved America's entire nightmare of being stung by terrorists. Make the games' publishers put in single player missions in which the players can assume the role of Mullah Omar, bin Laden and Asif Ali Zardari.

That's all for now. My brain has been cooked after meticulously planning out this ingenious solution to ever lasting world peace.

Peace out. I need me a lemonade.

(PS: I know some of you are thick headed and will interpret this blog literally. If you do that, I suggest you go take a hike because this was a sarcastic joke. Well its more of a joke than sarcasm to be honest but then again. Loosen up. It won't kill you.)